Seattlehog - What I Know - UAB

[vector4dz]

UAB and Erectile Dysfunction - What I Know - Week 8



Ok - so UAB huh?

One of the problems with participating in the historically great SEC West this year (besides, of course, losing every single freaking game) is that the "cupcake games" seem even MORE lame than usual.

The Hogs have reached a stage where even pretty good teams from outside the Power Five conferences simply don't have the size to compete against our O-line.

This is sorta cool I guess but it is a pretty monster let down in terms of excitement and anticipation compared to the parade of top 10 games as hopeful underdog that we get this year.

All in all it made for a pretty stress free Satuday of binge watching football. It left my mind free to wander.  That can be fun.

There are probably quite a few life lessons to be learned while watching college football for an entire Saturday. The main one that I picked up was that there are a LOT of Cialis commercials.

Are they having trouble selling the stuff? It appears erectile dysfunction must be reaching epidemic proportions. Most likely because of all the beer, rum, and burgers they manage to sell us football fans when they aren't pushing Cialis. They are making me long for the days of a good [CENSORED] commercial or 3 chatty ladies sitting around a table discussing the relative absorbency of their maxi-pads and the personal torture that is a "not so fresh feeling".

But more than learning about the lack of starch in our nationwide manhood these commercials have taught me something else - that my lifetime of relationships with women have been pathetically lacking.

I'm not sure I have ever rowed a boat on a pond with a woman.  I've never owned a convertible so we could drive with our mature relationship hair blowing. I don't have side by side bath tubs and if I did I'm almost positive I wouldn't have them installed outside.

This newfound knowledge of appropriate romantic behavior makes me wonder what I have been doing with my life all these years.

Somewhere around the fifth ad I decided that a better approach to this advertising might be to show fat slovenly guys like myself watching football, sucking down booze and assorted fried meats. Then they would wander home to their wife, crawl into bed and the lights would go out. From the dark we would hear the sound of their significant other griping because of the predictable difficulty that ensued. Followed by the sound of our protagonist snoring away as his wife contemplates homicide.

The tag line could be "Cialis - save yourself some hassle!"

Plus this could segue straight to a spot about sleep apnea and C-pap.

Some advertising agency needs to hire me.


Okay - on to What I Know for Week 8.


I know Will-da-Beast is our best back right now, and it's not real close. I know this is surprising.

I know every season we hear about a skill player that "added 15 pounds of muscle" but kept every bit of their speed and quickness. I know that the next year we almost always hear about the same guy dropping 15 pounds to regain that speed and quickness.

I know Budda is gonna be that guy this year.

I know the Tretola touchdown pass was revealing in a lot of ways.  It showed the remarkably nimble feet and athleticism of these huge creatures. It also showed off the "O-line as Rock Star" aspect of the program that Bielema works hard to promote.

I know our special teams remain a near disaster - which I find surprising.

I know the 49 yard field goal by McFain was a welcome relief. But I think the highlight of the day for that kid has to be when he was "chasing" the 100yd kickoff return, fell more than 10 yards behind, then made a desperate dive as the UAB guy crossed the goal line, like he somehow still had a chance.

I know someone in his family needs to get a snapshot of the dive with the ball carrier in the same shot and blow it up into a poster for him.  That was special.

I know Gus is developing some nervous tics on the sideline. He is chewing gum like he is punishing it for something and his hand keeps going to his nose in a move that is dangerously close to being interpreted as a pick on national TV.  Someone needs to let him know before this turns into a GIF disaster.

I know Gus's offense is better than last year and still improving. But his defense is worse and moving the other direction.

I know I kinda want to get in on the fun that could be the Ole Miss upstart bandwagon but I am prevented from doing so because Bo Wallace is a PU-U-U-U- NK!  He reminds me of maybe a pledge trainer at a fraternity that has been repeatedly kicked off campus for hazing.

I know I kinda like Hugh Freeze but he looks like a dyspeptic uncle - the guy at the family reunion that is always burping and popping Tums and everybody is quietly concerned he might actually be having a heart attack.

I know Ellis scored her first goal last week. She yelled and danced.  So did the other team because she scored it for them.



I know Ellis likes to wander around the living room playing little pretend games while I am watching football. She does the voices of herself AND her dolls - giving them lectures and guidance. It is an interesting insight into her psyche.

I know yesterday I heard her whispering "Not now Baby Alexander - the teacher is coming and we don't want to get in trouble AGAIN!" 

I know I asked her what she was going to get in trouble for and she gave me a guilty look and said "Just stop talking to me Dad".

I know BA threw a couple of beautiful passes - one to Morgan and the TD to Sprinkle. But that even against UAB our receivers don't get much separation.

I know BA could have a game like Treyvone Boykin and we would all still ride him.

I know he ain't gonna have a game like Boykin.

I know TCU. WOW.  Should be top 5 if it not for that Baylor collapse.

I know when I was watching Kentucky last night I said 2 things to myself that I thought I would never say. "Those UK uniforms are kinda cool" and "Hey Kentucky is good!" 

I know I think we will beat Mississippi State. At least I was thinking that when I saw Dak Prescott in a walking boot.

I know Ellis, along with just about every other girl her age, is going to be Elsa from "Frozen" for Halloween.  I keep trying to get her to be Anna but she won't listen.

I know Anna is a way cooler chick than Elsa but Elsa gets all the love. Anna is clever and funny and she gets the dude in the end.  Elsa is just an overwhelmed chick with a cool dress that can't handle her powers and almost kills her sister - TWICE!

I know it's weird that I have passionate opinions about that.

I know I will be interested to see the line for the Mississippi State game.  If it's more than 6 I'm taking the Hogs.

I know beating the #1 team on the road would maybe be UNPRECEDENTED  in Hog history.

I know that would be fun.

Until Next Time

Seattle

Twitter: @seattlehog
http://seattlehog.org/

[showme]

Your posts/articles/short stories/whatever you call them are excellent. You would be a good guy to have a beer or 2 with while watching a hog game. Thanks for taking the time to do them.

[hogs24]

Great read as always. Look forward to these every sunday.

[lefty08]

I know I enjoyed that, as the daddy of a 5 yr old girl I really enjoyed that



Thanks

[Hogfan46]

UAB and Erectile Dysfunction - What I Know - Week 8



Ok - so UAB huh?

One of the problems with participating in the historically great SEC West this year (besides, of course, losing every single freaking game) is that the "cupcake games" seem even MORE lame than usual.

The Hogs have reached a stage where even pretty good teams from outside the Power Five conferences simply don't have the size to compete against our O-line.

This is sorta cool I guess but it is a pretty monster let down in terms of excitement and anticipation compared to the parade of top 10 games as hopeful underdog that we get this year.

All in all it made for a pretty stress free Satuday of binge watching football. It left my mind free to wander.  That can be fun.

There are probably quite a few life lessons to be learned while watching college football for an entire Saturday. The main one that I picked up was that there are a LOT of Cialis commercials.

Are they having trouble selling the stuff? It appears erectile dysfunction must be reaching epidemic proportions. Most likely because of all the beer, rum, and burgers they manage to sell us football fans when they aren't pushing Cialis. They are making me long for the days of a good [CENSORED] commercial or 3 chatty ladies sitting around a table discussing the relative absorbency of their maxi-pads and the personal torture that is a "not so fresh feeling".

But more than learning about the lack of starch in our nationwide manhood these commercials have taught me something else - that my lifetime of relationships with women have been pathetically lacking.

I'm not sure I have ever rowed a boat on a pond with a woman.  I've never owned a convertible so we could drive with our mature relationship hair blowing. I don't have side by side bath tubs and if I did I'm almost positive I wouldn't have them installed outside.

This newfound knowledge of appropriate romantic behavior makes me wonder what I have been doing with my life all these years.

Somewhere around the fifth ad I decided that a better approach to this advertising might be to show fat slovenly guys like myself watching football, sucking down booze and assorted fried meats. Then they would wander home to their wife, crawl into bed and the lights would go out. From the dark we would hear the sound of their significant other griping because of the predictable difficulty that ensued. Followed by the sound of our protagonist snoring away as his wife contemplates homicide.

The tag line could be "Cialis - save yourself some hassle!"

Plus this could segue straight to a spot about sleep apnea and C-pap.

Some advertising agency needs to hire me.


Okay - on to What I Know for Week 8.


I know Will-da-Beast is our best back right now, and it's not real close. I know this is surprising.

I know every season we hear about a skill player that "added 15 pounds of muscle" but kept every bit of their speed and quickness. I know that the next year we almost always hear about the same guy dropping 15 pounds to regain that speed and quickness.

I know Budda is gonna be that guy this year.

I know the Tretola touchdown pass was revealing in a lot of ways.  It showed the remarkably nimble feet and athleticism of these huge creatures. It also showed off the "O-line as Rock Star" aspect of the program that Bielema works hard to promote.

I know our special teams remain a near disaster - which I find surprising.

I know the 49 yard field goal by McFain was a welcome relief. But I think the highlight of the day for that kid has to be when he was "chasing" the 100yd kickoff return, fell more than 10 yards behind, then made a desperate dive as the UAB guy crossed the goal line, like he somehow still had a chance.

I know someone in his family needs to get a snapshot of the dive with the ball carrier in the same shot and blow it up into a poster for him.  That was special.

I know Gus is developing some nervous tics on the sideline. He is chewing gum like he is punishing it for something and his hand keeps going to his nose in a move that is dangerously close to being interpreted as a pick on national TV.  Someone needs to let him know before this turns into a GIF disaster.

I know Gus's offense is better than last year and still improving. But his defense is worse and moving the other direction.

I know I kinda want to get in on the fun that could be the Ole Miss upstart bandwagon but I am prevented from doing so because Bo Wallace is a PU-U-U-U- NK!  He reminds me of maybe a pledge trainer at a fraternity that has been repeatedly kicked off campus for hazing.

I know I kinda like Hugh Freeze but he looks like a dyspeptic uncle - the guy at the family reunion that is always burping and popping Tums and everybody is quietly concerned he might actually be having a heart attack.

I know Ellis scored her first goal last week. She yelled and danced.  So did the other team because she scored it for them.



I know Ellis likes to wander around the living room playing little pretend games while I am watching football. She does the voices of herself AND her dolls - giving them lectures and guidance. It is an interesting insight into her psyche.

I know yesterday I heard her whispering "Not now Baby Alexander - the teacher is coming and we don't want to get in trouble AGAIN!" 

I know I asked her what she was going to get in trouble for and she gave me a guilty look and said "Just stop talking to me Dad".

I know BA threw a couple of beautiful passes - one to Morgan and the TD to Sprinkle. But that even against UAB our receivers don't get much separation.

I know BA could have a game like Treyvone Boykin and we would all still ride him.

I know he ain't gonna have a game like Boykin.

I know TCU. WOW.  Should be top 5 if it not for that Baylor collapse.

I know when I was watching Kentucky last night I said 2 things to myself that I thought I would never say. "Those UK uniforms are kinda cool" and "Hey Kentucky is good!" 

I know I think we will beat Mississippi State. At least I was thinking that when I saw Dak Prescott in a walking boot.

I know Ellis, along with just about every other girl her age, is going to be Elsa from "Frozen" for Halloween.  I keep trying to get her to be Anna but she won't listen.

I know Anna is a way cooler chick than Elsa but Elsa gets all the love. Anna is clever and funny and she gets the dude in the end.  Elsa is just an overwhelmed chick with a cool dress that can't handle her powers and almost kills her sister - TWICE!

I know it's weird that I have passionate opinions about that.

I know I will be interested to see the line for the Mississippi State game.  If it's more than 6 I'm taking the Hogs.

I know beating the #1 team on the road would maybe be UNPRECEDENTED  in Hog history.

I know that would be fun.

Until Next Time

Seattle

Twitter: @seattlehog
http://seattlehog.org/

+1
Humorous, poignant and thought provoking as usual. Your "column" should replace Wally Hall's on the front page of the Sunday sports section.  I'm serious.

[showme]

I know every season we hear about a skill player that "added 15 pounds of muscle" but kept every bit of their speed and quickness. I know that the next year we almost always hear about the same guy dropping 15 pounds to regain that speed and quickness.

I know Budda is gonna be that guy this year.

Boy isn't that the truth. Any media guy who spewed that nonsense this year has done nothing but proven that they don't know football.

[hobhog]

Good stuff, but feel need to defend McFain. I noticed in replay he actually tripped and fell down, didn't leap. Still embarrassed I am sure, but it happens. Good effort.

[eusebius]

I know beating the #1 team on the road would maybe be UNPRECEDENTED  in Hog history.


While it would be huge, it's not unprecedented. The Hogs knocked off #1 LSU in Baton Rouge in 2007, 50-48 in 3OTs behind the exploits of Darren McFadden. LSU rebounded to win the BCS national championship over Ohio St. 

[Science Fiction Greg]

I know beating the #1 team on the road would maybe be UNPRECEDENTED  in Hog history.


While it would be huge, it's not unprecedented. The Hogs knocked off #1 LSU in Baton Rouge in 2007, 50-48 in 3OTs behind the exploits of Darren McFadden. LSU rebounded to win the BCS national championship over Ohio St.

See!  HDN 2.0!

[vector4dz]

I know beating the #1 team on the road would maybe be UNPRECEDENTED  in Hog history.


While it would be huge, it's not unprecedented. The Hogs knocked off #1 LSU in Baton Rouge in 2007, 50-48 in 3OTs behind the exploits of Darren McFadden. LSU rebounded to win the BCS national championship over Ohio St.

Yeah I pretty much blew that one. Good reminder to at least do a LITTLE research before typing something.

[RazorbackRon]

There are probably quite a few life lessons to be learned while watching college football for an entire Saturday. The main one that I picked up was that there are a LOT of Cialis commercials.

Good read as always and I know I'd rather see a Cialis ad rather than another lame political ad.