UAB Brainstorm - What if a dinosaur bird had carried Houston Nutt away into oblivion? From the beach

[BPsTheMan]

From the beach: by Harry Rex Vonner

I know DeltaBoy and Shields are going to hate this, but I've been considering all the chain reactions and domino effects that might have been, from UAB going back ten years. We had our PTB's wanting to keep Houston Nutt, those wanting him gone, and those only wanting to keep him so they could get Gus on staff. Circa 2004-05. All the scenarios had been running through my mind for weeks.  Then, after the UAB victory, as I was staring down at my Wallabees, it hit me:

What if a dinosaur bird had swooped down into Razorback Stadium during a game, during the two year warning, and carried Houston Nutt away into oblivion? Seriously.


It's a cool crisp November afternoon in Fayetteville against the Ole Miss Rebles in 2004. The Hogs are 3-5, the first installment of the two-year-warning, as if losing the Las Vegas Bowl a few years earlier wasn't a clue. Flying planes over Razorback Stadium is only a glimmer in a random fan's mind at this point. Gus Malzahn is in the stands watching, thinking about his Springdale team the coming year. He walks up to visit Jim Lindsey in his luxury box, and then it happens:

Paul Eells: "Third down and 14 as the Hogs break out of the huddle.."
Keith Jackson: "I'm looking for a draw here Paul."
Paul: "Arkansas in a double tight end formation, one back,...uh, what...?"
Keith: "Paul? Paul what is that...?"
Paul: "Uh..it looks like the referees are whistling an official timeout for something...Keith, I don't know..."
Keith: "Paul, that looks like...uh I don't now, uh, Paul?.. The refs have stopped play..."
Paul: "Oh my! ... what is that?! Keith it's a dinosaur bird!"
Keith: "Well, Paul it's a dinosaur bird alright, and it's swooping down onto the field. Wow, players and coaches scrambling away from the dinosaur bird Paul!"
Paul - "It's got Houston Nutt!!!"
Keith - "What the f...  !!! Paul it's grabbed Houston Nutt straight off the sidelines!! It's still got him! Nutt is trying to wiggle away!!"
Paul: "He's trying Keith! Oh my! That dinosaur bird is not letting go! It's got him! Houston Nutt is not getting away from that thing! Oh my!! Taking off out of the stadium!! It's got Nutt!!"
Keith: "Paul there is dead silence in the stadium right now!! I cannot believe what we're seeing!  Nutt is gone!!"

Razorback fans are silent, in shock, mouths open, looking around at each other in disbelief.

Paul - "Keith, in all my years, I've never seen anything like this! We've just witnessed a dinosaur bird swoop down into Razorback Stadium and pluck Houston Nutt up and fly him away into oblivion!!"

Then at one exact moment, after a few more seconds of breathing in the oxygen of the same air in which Houston Nutt was just flown away into oblivion by a dinosaur bird, Razorback Stadium erupts in cheers. It's bedlam. Bedlam. And for reasons Ole Miss fans do not understand, they are joining in, high fiving Razorback fans in the northeast corner of the stadium.

Keith - "Paul, I'm not sure how I'm feeling here! I do have to say I'm concerned about Houston Nutt on a personal level right now, wherever he might be! But I'm also feeling that Arkansas fans have just voiced an optimistic call for the future! Those are some mighty cheers Paul!"


What would have followed would have been the Hogs on the cover of Sports Illustrated. "Arkansas coach missing. Nutt plucked from Fayetteville by dinosaur bird." SI jinx for a few weeks? Bring it. (And at that very time, a young defensive coordinator at Wisconsin would be thinking, "There's no way that could ever happen twice in the same stadium.") That's right folks. No Houston Nutt season in 2005. No text messages. No FOI's. No Gus at offensive coordinator. No Cotton Bowl against Missouri later. No planes later. No ArkansasSports360.

Now folks, I know what you're thinking: Why didn't Harry Rex Google the proper scientific name for dinosaur bird? Because I hate scientists, that's why (As an aside, I've also found out - through journalistic investigation - that GUV, DeltaBoy and Robert Shields pronouce "idea" as "idear", trying to sound British like Madonna). Anyway, since Shields articles are not interactive, and Harry Rex Vonner articles ARE, you now get to decide what the course of events would have been after that. New coach in 2005. Who? Where would a dinosaur bird have taken Houston Nutt? Et cetera...

Here's my take: The Hogs would have hired Rich Rodriguez in 2005, and Gus Malzahn would have ended up as OC for Steve Roberts at Arkansas State. Bobby Petrino would have never stepped foot in Fayetteville. Gus would become head coach at Stephen F. Austin, and Brent Venables takes over at Auburn (and hires Gary Gibbs as his Defensive Coordinator for The Auburn Defense).

And by 2013, Arkansas AD Jeff Long would have hired...Bret Bielema.

What is your interactive take on how the dominos would have fallen?


Screw Katie Perry
Thank you
Harry Rex Vonner - Journalist



Send your complaints to Wayne

[bphi11ips]

The dinosaur bird would have taken Houston Nutt to its lair high above Boxley Valley.  Arkansas would have won 35-3.  Diana would have tracked Nutt down and beat the dinosaur bird over the head with a two-by-four.  Nutt would be back on the sidelines the next week to squeak out a win in Starkville.  The next year, he'd get Darren McFadden and Felix Jones, and the year after that, he'd hire an influential high school coach in order to sign his 4 stud players, and then he'd totally screw up the best chance the Hogs have had to establish a dynasty in 40 years.

What we need are dinosaur birds meaner than Diana Nutt.

[RazorbackRon]

In before Delta ..... Wait, this is Sunday and Delta, only posts while he's at work educatin' the fine TX youngsters.

[MuskogeeHogFan]

From the beach: by Harry Rex Vonner

I know DeltaBoy and Shields are going to hate this, but I've been considering all the chain reactions and domino effects that might have been, from UAB going back ten years. We had our PTB's wanting to keep Houston Nutt, those wanting him gone, and those only wanting to keep him so they could get Gus on staff. Circa 2004-05. All the scenarios had been running through my mind for weeks.  Then, after the UAB victory, as I was staring down at my Wallabees, it hit me:

What if a dinosaur bird had swooped down into Razorback Stadium during a game, during the two year warning, and carried Houston Nutt away into oblivion? Seriously.


It's a cool crisp November afternoon in Fayetteville against the Ole Miss Rebles in 2004. The Hogs are 3-5, the first installment of the two-year-warning, as if losing the Las Vegas Bowl a few years earlier wasn't a clue. Flying planes over Razorback Stadium is only a glimmer in a random fan's mind at this point. Gus Malzahn is in the stands watching, thinking about his Springdale team the coming year. He walks up to visit Jim Lindsey in his luxury box, and then it happens:

Paul Eells: "Third down and 14 as the Hogs break out of the huddle.."
Keith Jackson: "I'm looking for a draw here Paul."
Paul: "Arkansas in a double tight end formation, one back,...uh, what...?"
Keith: "Paul? Paul what is that...?"
Paul: "Uh..it looks like the referees are whistling an official timeout for something...Keith, I don't know..."
Keith: "Paul, that looks like...uh I don't now, uh, Paul?.. The refs have stopped play..."
Paul: "Oh my! ... what is that?! Keith it's a dinosaur bird!"
Keith: "Well, Paul it's a dinosaur bird alright, and it's swooping down onto the field. Wow, players and coaches scrambling away from the dinosaur bird Paul!"
Paul - "It's got Houston Nutt!!!"
Keith - "What the f...  !!! Paul it's grabbed Houston Nutt straight off the sidelines!! It's still got him! Nutt is trying to wiggle away!!"
Paul: "He's trying Keith! Oh my! That dinosaur bird is not letting go! It's got him! Houston Nutt is not getting away from that thing! Oh my!! Taking off out of the stadium!! It's got Nutt!!"
Keith: "Paul there is dead silence in the stadium right now!! I cannot believe what we're seeing!  Nutt is gone!!"

Razorback fans are silent, in shock, mouths open, looking around at each other in disbelief.

Paul - "Keith, in all my years, I've never seen anything like this! We've just witnessed a dinosaur bird swoop down into Razorback Stadium and pluck Houston Nutt up and fly him away into oblivion!!"

Then at one exact moment, after a few more seconds of breathing in the oxygen of the same air in which Houston Nutt was just flown away into oblivion by a dinosaur bird, Razorback Stadium erupts in cheers. It's bedlam. Bedlam. And for reasons Ole Miss fans do not understand, they are joining in, high fiving Razorback fans in the northeast corner of the stadium.

Keith - "Paul, I'm not sure how I'm feeling here! I do have to say I'm concerned about Houston Nutt on a personal level right now, wherever he might be! But I'm also feeling that Arkansas fans have just voiced an optimistic call for the future! Those are some mighty cheers Paul!"


What would have followed would have been the Hogs on the cover of Sports Illustrated. "Arkansas coach missing. Nutt plucked from Fayetteville by dinosaur bird." SI jinx for a few weeks? Bring it. (And at that very time, a young defensive coordinator at Wisconsin would be thinking, "There's no way that could ever happen twice in the same stadium.") That's right folks. No Houston Nutt season in 2005. No text messages. No FOI's. No Gus at offensive coordinator. No Cotton Bowl against Missouri later. No planes later. No ArkansasSports360.

Now folks, I know what you're thinking: Why didn't Harry Rex Google the proper scientific name for dinosaur bird? Because I hate scientists, that's why (As an aside, I've also found out - through journalistic investigation - that GUV, DeltaBoy and Robert Shields pronouce "idea" as "idear", trying to sound British like Madonna). Anyway, since Shields articles are not interactive, and Harry Rex Vonner articles ARE, you now get to decide what the course of events would have been after that. New coach in 2005. Who? Where would a dinosaur bird have taken Houston Nutt? Et cetera...

Here's my take: The Hogs would have hired Rich Rodriguez in 2005, and Gus Malzahn would have ended up as OC for Steve Roberts at Arkansas State. Bobby Petrino would have never stepped foot in Fayetteville. Gus would become head coach at Stephen F. Austin, and Brent Venables takes over at Auburn (and hires Gary Gibbs as his Defensive Coordinator for The Auburn Defense).

And by 2013, Arkansas AD Jeff Long would have hired...Bret Bielema.

What is your interactive take on how the dominos would have fallen?


Screw Katie Perry
Thank you
Harry Rex Vonner - Journalist



Send your complaints to Wayne

And maybe if all of the new age believer's (including Nutt) who had been waiting for the spaceships to come and take them back to Heaven from the tops of the plateau's surrounding Sedona, Arizona,  we might never have gone through all of this. But then there is reality.

[LZH]

It's noon somewhere! 

Bingo!  And look at the time here in Florida!

Welp, this one's on you, ET!

[Delicious~Dreams]

LMBO!  I so needed to laugh today....Thank you, Harry Rex as always baby!

[Boardon Hamsay]

I believe the dinosaur bird would have taken Nutt to Peru. There, Nutt would embrace a new career training alpacas for the Peruvian Alpaca Racing Association. Controversial anti-llama comments would force Nutt's resignation after 4 years in the PARA. Nutt would then move to Uruguay and become a union leader for Uruguayan rugby players. After two years of mediocre negotiating for Uruguayan rugby players, Nutt would be forced to resign and find a job making ponchos.

Meanwhile back on The Hill, the Hogs would move forward under the direction of June Jones. Jones would have mixed success for 2 seasons before suddenly resigning to become a coffee bean farmer and pine tree breeder. After much speculation, the Hogs would then look to Mike Leach to add stability to the program.

Leach would find some early success at Arkansas, leading the Hogs to back to back 7 win seasons with an exciting offense and unconventional approach. In his 3rd season, Leach would encourage fans to use a new, pirate themed Hog call, "Arggh, Pig, Booty!" In retrospect, this would foreshadow Leach's downfall.

Leach would further embrace his affinity for piracy by switching to Nike puffy shirt uniforms in his 4th year. Traditionalists would scoff at the use of anthracite eye patches on the running hog helmet  logo but a 5-0 start would keep skeptics in the minority. Then Big Red would be given a peg leg and the team would start "running through the Arggh" instead of the "A". Other rumors of a Hog shaped pirate ship replacing the BAC would remain unconfirmed. Losses to Alabama, LSU, and ironically enough, East Carolina would be enough to stir the fan base into action.

The following spring, a small group of Razorback fans would ban together and set sail in a fleet of bass boats across Beaver Lake armed with tshirts guns. The self proclaimed "Seahogs" would not be denied. They would take command of Leach's houseboat, throw Leach overboard, and then scuttle his boat. Leach would swim to Prairie Creek in a life jacket and initially be labeled a hero for surviving the sinking but upon finding the wreckage, the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission would determine Leach had been supplying the Catfish Hole with non-farmraised catfish for quite some time. Leach would be fired after the ordeal but the debate over farmraised vs non-farmraised catfish would linger for some.

Looking to get back to some form of Razorback tradition, Bielema would then take over.

[Oklahawg]

Damn fine read.

Nuttasaurus. Sounds like an extinct dino-bird to me.

[Mike_e]

Aww heck, ifn that ol dino-bird had made off with ol huten we'd a had a multi-gazillion dollar lawsuit with the aspca and pita for letting that ol dino-bird get a fatal case of gas by eaten ol huten.

[KennyForAD]

Nutt, after escaping from dinobird:

[zane]

[Theolesnort]

Under that scenario I could see us drop the name Razorbacks for the Fighting Pterodactylis. It would be very fitting under the circumstances.

[IntegrityHog]

Best post yet Rex. 

In your response to your post:

"After escaping the protected airspace over Reynolds Razorback Staduim, the pteradon looked over at HDN and said 'I've been looking for a soulmate for so long.  When I saw you running an offense even older than me, I knew that the rumors of the dinosaur extinction weren't true."

[Bacons Rebellion]

The EPA would have descended on Fayetteville, declaring Razorback Stadium the last ecology proven to provide a food supply to pterodactyls and pteranodons and declared it off limits to football until an Environmental Impact Study could be evaluated, which is still in preparation.

All games would have been moved to WMS, which the NCAA will not allow for use as recruiting visits, we would have had to move to NAIA and today we would be celebrating consecutive victories over Oklahoma Baptist and MidAmerica Nazarene.

All in all, I guess you could call it a wash either way.

Washington County would have more than made up the difference selling t-shirts to dinosaur bird watchers.

[Fatty McGee]

Nutt, after escaping from dinobird:

Thanks for reminding me why I don't care for Barrett either. 

[BPsTheMan]

I've never been able to start drinking before noon.....

I have deadlines to meet Led. Do you really want me to write these when I'm sober?

[BPsTheMan]

I believe the dinosaur bird would have taken Nutt to Peru. There, Nutt would embrace a new career training alpacas for the Peruvian Alpaca Racing Association. Controversial anti-llama comments would force Nutt's resignation after 4 years in the PARA. Nutt would then move to Uruguay and become a union leader for Uruguayan rugby players. After two years of mediocre negotiating for Uruguayan rugby players, Nutt would be forced to resign and find a job making ponchos.

Meanwhile back on The Hill, the Hogs would move forward under the direction of June Jones. Jones would have mixed success for 2 seasons before suddenly resigning to become a coffee bean farmer and pine tree breeder. After much speculation, the Hogs would then look to Mike Leach to add stability to the program.

Leach would find some early success at Arkansas, leading the Hogs to back to back 7 win seasons with an exciting offense and unconventional approach. In his 3rd season, Leach would encourage fans to use a new, pirate themed Hog call, "Arggh, Pig, Booty!" In retrospect, this would foreshadow Leach's downfall.

Leach would further embrace his affinity for piracy by switching to Nike puffy shirt uniforms in his 4th year. Traditionalists would scoff at the use of anthracite eye patches on the running hog helmet  logo but a 5-0 start would keep skeptics in the minority. Then Big Red would be given a peg leg and the team would start "running through the Arggh" instead of the "A". Other rumors of a Hog shaped pirate ship replacing the BAC would remain unconfirmed. Losses to Alabama, LSU, and ironically enough, East Carolina would be enough to stir the fan base into action.

The following spring, a small group of Razorback fans would ban together and set sail in a fleet of bass boats across Beaver Lake armed with tshirts guns. The self proclaimed "Seahogs" would not be denied. They would take command of Leach's houseboat, throw Leach overboard, and then scuttle his boat. Leach would swim to Prairie Creek in a life jacket and initially be labeled a hero for surviving the sinking but upon finding the wreckage, the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission would determine Leach had been supplying the Catfish Hole with non-farmraised catfish for quite some time. Leach would be fired after the ordeal but the debate over farmraised vs non-farmraised catfish would linger for some.

Looking to get back to some form of Razorback tradition, Bielema would then take over.

Excellent take Scarlett's Slatherdom

And I believe Leach's connection with the catfish saga would add fueled rumor to dead pirates occupying the haunted run-down mansion next to the Catfish Hole

[mlloyd4]

Good stuff, really good stuff.

I think that the dinosaur bird takes Nutt somewhere in Mississippi... or maybe to baton Rouge

[Biggus Piggus]

Said dinosaur bird would have shat out an indigestible Nutt, who would have taken the events as signs from the heavens. Nutt, feeling quite immortal, would have implemented the spread option offense and proceeded to win 10+ games every season thereafter. His recruiting classes would have been No. 1 every season, because I WAS SHAT OUT OF A DINOSAUR.

[DeltaBoy]

Funny tale Harry and some nice writing.

[HogFansReunited]

And just when I thought you couldn't possible get any better, you wright this brilliant piece of work.  Bravo Sir.

[John Futrall]

From the beach: by Harry Rex Vonner

I know DeltaBoy and Shields are going to hate this, but I've been considering all the chain reactions and domino effects that might have been, from UAB going back ten years. We had our PTB's wanting to keep Houston Nutt, those wanting him gone, and those only wanting to keep him so they could get Gus on staff. Circa 2004-05. All the scenarios had been running through my mind for weeks.  Then, after the UAB victory, as I was staring down at my Wallabees, it hit me:

What if a dinosaur bird had swooped down into Razorback Stadium during a game, during the two year warning, and carried Houston Nutt away into oblivion? Seriously.


It's a cool crisp November afternoon in Fayetteville against the Ole Miss Rebles in 2004. The Hogs are 3-5, the first installment of the two-year-warning, as if losing the Las Vegas Bowl a few years earlier wasn't a clue. Flying planes over Razorback Stadium is only a glimmer in a random fan's mind at this point. Gus Malzahn is in the stands watching, thinking about his Springdale team the coming year. He walks up to visit Jim Lindsey in his luxury box, and then it happens:

Paul Eells: "Third down and 14 as the Hogs break out of the huddle.."
Keith Jackson: "I'm looking for a draw here Paul."
Paul: "Arkansas in a double tight end formation, one back,...uh, what...?"
Keith: "Paul? Paul what is that...?"
Paul: "Uh..it looks like the referees are whistling an official timeout for something...Keith, I don't know..."
Keith: "Paul, that looks like...uh I don't now, uh, Paul?.. The refs have stopped play..."
Paul: "Oh my! ... what is that?! Keith it's a dinosaur bird!"
Keith: "Well, Paul it's a dinosaur bird alright, and it's swooping down onto the field. Wow, players and coaches scrambling away from the dinosaur bird Paul!"
Paul - "It's got Houston Nutt!!!"
Keith - "What the f...  !!! Paul it's grabbed Houston Nutt straight off the sidelines!! It's still got him! Nutt is trying to wiggle away!!"
Paul: "He's trying Keith! Oh my! That dinosaur bird is not letting go! It's got him! Houston Nutt is not getting away from that thing! Oh my!! Taking off out of the stadium!! It's got Nutt!!"
Keith: "Paul there is dead silence in the stadium right now!! I cannot believe what we're seeing!  Nutt is gone!!"

Razorback fans are silent, in shock, mouths open, looking around at each other in disbelief.

Paul - "Keith, in all my years, I've never seen anything like this! We've just witnessed a dinosaur bird swoop down into Razorback Stadium and pluck Houston Nutt up and fly him away into oblivion!!"

Then at one exact moment, after a few more seconds of breathing in the oxygen of the same air in which Houston Nutt was just flown away into oblivion by a dinosaur bird, Razorback Stadium erupts in cheers. It's bedlam. Bedlam. And for reasons Ole Miss fans do not understand, they are joining in, high fiving Razorback fans in the northeast corner of the stadium.

Keith - "Paul, I'm not sure how I'm feeling here! I do have to say I'm concerned about Houston Nutt on a personal level right now, wherever he might be! But I'm also feeling that Arkansas fans have just voiced an optimistic call for the future! Those are some mighty cheers Paul!"


What would have followed would have been the Hogs on the cover of Sports Illustrated. "Arkansas coach missing. Nutt plucked from Fayetteville by dinosaur bird." SI jinx for a few weeks? Bring it. (And at that very time, a young defensive coordinator at Wisconsin would be thinking, "There's no way that could ever happen twice in the same stadium.") That's right folks. No Houston Nutt season in 2005. No text messages. No FOI's. No Gus at offensive coordinator. No Cotton Bowl against Missouri later. No planes later. No ArkansasSports360.

Now folks, I know what you're thinking: Why didn't Harry Rex Google the proper scientific name for dinosaur bird? Because I hate scientists, that's why (As an aside, I've also found out - through journalistic investigation - that GUV, DeltaBoy and Robert Shields pronouce "idea" as "idear", trying to sound British like Madonna). Anyway, since Shields articles are not interactive, and Harry Rex Vonner articles ARE, you now get to decide what the course of events would have been after that. New coach in 2005. Who? Where would a dinosaur bird have taken Houston Nutt? Et cetera...

Here's my take: The Hogs would have hired Rich Rodriguez in 2005, and Gus Malzahn would have ended up as OC for Steve Roberts at Arkansas State. Bobby Petrino would have never stepped foot in Fayetteville. Gus would become head coach at Stephen F. Austin, and Brent Venables takes over at Auburn (and hires Gary Gibbs as his Defensive Coordinator for The Auburn Defense).

And by 2013, Arkansas AD Jeff Long would have hired...Bret Bielema.

What is your interactive take on how the dominos would have fallen?


Screw Katie Perry
Thank you
Harry Rex Vonner - Journalist



Send your complaints to Wayne

I miss Paul

[preachr]

Pulitzer.

[Hogfaniam]

"It's got Nutt!" Lulz

[East Clintwood]

The EPA would have descended on Fayetteville, declaring Razorback Stadium the last ecology proven to provide a food supply to pterodactyls and pteranodons and declared it off limits to football until an Environmental Impact Study could be evaluated, which is still in preparation.

All games would have been moved to WMS, which the NCAA will not allow for use as recruiting visits, we would have had to move to NAIA and today we would be celebrating consecutive victories over Oklahoma Baptist and MidAmerica Nazarene.

All in all, I guess you could call it a wash either way.

Washington County would have more than made up the difference selling t-shirts to dinosaur bird watchers.

Wow -- Would those be conference wins?

[Boardon Hamsay]

Excellent take Scarlett's Slatherdom

And I believe Leach's connection with the catfish saga would add fueled rumor to dead pirates occupying the haunted run-down mansion next to the Catfish Hole

And that haunted, farm-raised catfish deprived, dead pirate filled, run-down mansion next to the Catfish Hole definitely connects to Darrell Royal's Floating Flaming Fulminating Spectral Head taking up part time residence in Barnhill.

In fact, I believe Darrell Royal's Floating Flaming Fulminating Spectral Head resides in multiple dimensional planes. In one dimensional plane, Darrell Royal's Floating Flaming Fulminating Spectral Head roams the concourse of Barnhill arena, the BAC, and occasionally makes his way through the UofA tunnel system and underground Kappa harem.

At the same time, I believe Darrell Royal's Floating Flaming Fulminating Spectral Head also resides in a dimensional plane where HDN was indeed plucked from the sidelines of DWRRS by a large pteranodon and catfishgate occured under the watchful, patch covered eye of Mike Leach.  Perhaps, just perhaps, that haunted, farm-raised catfish deprived, dead pirate filled, run-down mansion next to the Catfish Hole serves as a nexus between multidimensional planes where Darrell Royal's Floating Flaming Fulminating Spectral Head is the constant preventing a tear in the fabric of spacetime!

Or, it's a huge coincidence.

[Michael D Huff AIA]

Frank Broyles nudges the guy sitting next to him in the box and says, "Look, it's one of those dinosaur birds.  A darned flying lizard.  I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid."

After a few seconds the dino bird has to drop Nutt just outside of the stadium as Nutt's many trips to McDonalds and the subsequent weight gain has worn out the dinosaur bird.  Their standard prey weighs somewhat less than a football coach with a few thousand trips to McDonalds under his belt. Literally. 

In a stroke of luck, Nutt lands on top of a Petit Jean Meats hospitality tent and lives.  Petit Jean Meats is given free advertising in the stadium for life.

No oblivion for Hootie.  Nutt then makes the media rounds and is on every talk show, even Oprah, where he tells the story of how he fought off the dino bird.  Bruised, scraped  and in a neck brace, Nutt talks about how "when I thought I was going to die all I could think about is how much I love that helmet."  Fellow football coach Bobby Petrino is watching from his home and thinks, "Damn, I hope I never look like that."

Nutt has a new found support from the fan base.  Losing record?  We don't care, our coach is BAD ASS!!  HE BEATS DOWN DINOSAURS!!  No talking head on any sports network ever refers to him as the "Right Reverend" again.

Shortly after the near-abduction, a no-fly zone is installed around Fayetteville (don't want to run into any pteradons with your plane, right), essentially eliminating the advertising planes from flying on gameday.  No planes pulling anti-Nutt ads are ever seen.

The Razorbacks limp through the rest of the season, but recruiting is better the following season due to Nutt's increased exposure.

A couple of seasons later, an IT specialist on U of A's staff finds security camera footage of Nutt being dropped by a struggling dino bird, and not fought off as per Nutt's dramatic story.  Nutt is branded a liar by half of the fan base, while the other half support him for what is deemed to be "non-football reasons".  A Freedom Of Information Act request is put out for his cell phone records (if he would lie about fighting off a dinosaur bird, what else would he lie about?)

Nutt resigns.  Ole Miss offers him a job soon after. "If he can survive a dinosaur bird, he can survive as a head coach at Ole Miss", says Mississippi's AD.

[thebignasty]

That sounds like Paul, but nothing like Keith.  Keith probably would have admired the prehistoric dinosaur for 'use of it beaks and it  wing to get that YAC. Thats yard after capture.'  In future contests Keith likely would begin including 'making sure that prehistoric dinosaur bird thing keep duminating that Nutt' in his keys to the game.

Mike Markuson finishes the year as interim HC and Arkansas wins out despite not throwing a single pass the rest of the season. Markuson wins the job, and loses his first 5 and the job the following year.


Jeff Long gets the Grobe deal done. The world darkens and fades, and humanity dissipates.   Nutt sells Dino birds ** used Chevys from a small dealership nestled in their mountain lair.

[OneTuskOverTheLine™]

I believe the dinosaur bird would have taken Nutt to Peru. There, Nutt would embrace a new career training alpacas for the Peruvian Alpaca Racing Association. Controversial anti-llama comments would force Nutt's resignation after 4 years in the PARA. Nutt would then move to Uruguay and become a union leader for Uruguayan rugby players. After two years of mediocre negotiating for Uruguayan rugby players, Nutt would be forced to resign and find a job making ponchos.

Meanwhile back on The Hill, the Hogs would move forward under the direction of June Jones. Jones would have mixed success for 2 seasons before suddenly resigning to become a coffee bean farmer and pine tree breeder. After much speculation, the Hogs would then look to Mike Leach to add stability to the program.

Leach would find some early success at Arkansas, leading the Hogs to back to back 7 win seasons with an exciting offense and unconventional approach. In his 3rd season, Leach would encourage fans to use a new, pirate themed Hog call, "Arggh, Pig, Booty!" In retrospect, this would foreshadow Leach's downfall.

Leach would further embrace his affinity for piracy by switching to Nike puffy shirt uniforms in his 4th year. Traditionalists would scoff at the use of anthracite eye patches on the running hog helmet  logo but a 5-0 start would keep skeptics in the minority. Then Big Red would be given a peg leg and the team would start "running through the Arggh" instead of the "A". Other rumors of a Hog shaped pirate ship replacing the BAC would remain unconfirmed. Losses to Alabama, LSU, and ironically enough, East Carolina would be enough to stir the fan base into action.

The following spring, a small group of Razorback fans would ban together and set sail in a fleet of bass boats across Beaver Lake armed with tshirts guns. The self proclaimed "Seahogs" would not be denied. They would take command of Leach's houseboat, throw Leach overboard, and then scuttle his boat. Leach would swim to Prairie Creek in a life jacket and initially be labeled a hero for surviving the sinking but upon finding the wreckage, the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission would determine Leach had been supplying the Catfish Hole with non-farmraised catfish for quite some time. Leach would be fired after the ordeal but the debate over farmraised vs non-farmraised catfish would linger for some.

Looking to get back to some form of Razorback tradition, Bielema would then take over.

Good gods man..! How did you find the time, while writing the most maddeningly stupid B.S., to figure out the proper use of irony...!?

You are no amateur my friend...

[Jackrabbit Hog]

Coach Nutt would have made a great recurring character on Land of the Lost.  Maybe the prehistoric bird (which was really a flying reptile, not a bird) dropped him there.

[thebignasty]

I'm a from the beach fan but I'll tell Racks when he isn't on the money and this column has issues.   Sorry Racks, just honesty.

[OneTuskOverTheLine™]

The EPA would have descended on Fayetteville, declaring Razorback Stadium the last ecology proven to provide a food supply to pterodactyls and pteranodons and declared it off limits to football until an Environmental Impact Study could be evaluated, which is still in preparation.

All games would have been moved to WMS, which the NCAA will not allow for use as recruiting visits, we would have had to move to NAIA and today we would be celebrating consecutive victories over Oklahoma Baptist and MidAmerica Nazarene.

All in all, I guess you could call it a wash either way.

Washington County would have more than made up the difference selling t-shirts to dinosaur bird watchers.

I simply must find out who the idiot is that translated Greek to English and put in all of those silent P's... I mean really, WTH..!?

[Boardon Hamsay]

I simply must find out who the idiot is that translated Greek to English and put in all of those silent P's... I mean really, WTH..!?

I blame Ptolemy

[Boardon Hamsay]

Good gods man..! How did you find the time, while writing the most maddeningly stupid B.S., to figure out the proper use of irony...!?

You are no amateur my friend...

I had help from Darrell Royal's Floating Flaming Fulminating Spectral Head!

[Jackrabbit Hog]

I had help from Darrell Royal's Floating Flaming Fulminating Spectral Head!

Uh, Scarlett, you forgot to post that last one as Harry.

You're slippin.

[King TUSKankahamun]

Uh, Scarlett, you forgot to post that last one as Harry.

You're slippin.

I KNEW IT!!!!!

[thebignasty]

Uh, Scarlett, you forgot to post that last one as Harry.

You're slippin.

Nah

[thebignasty]

Oops

[BPsTheMan]

That sounds like Paul, but nothing like Keith.  Keith probably would have admired the prehistoric dinosaur for 'use of it beaks and it  wing to get that YAC. Thats yard after capture.'  In future contests Keith likely would begin including 'making sure that prehistoric dinosaur bird thing keep duminating that Nutt' in his keys to the game.

Mike Markuson finishes the year as interim HC and Arkansas wins out despite not throwing a single pass the rest of the season. Markuson wins the job, and loses his first 5 and the job the following year.


Jeff Long gets the Grobe deal done. The world darkens and fades, and humanity dissipates.   Nutt sells Dino birds ** used Chevys from a small dealership nestled in their mountain lair.

Who said anything about prehistoric?

Your scenario is hereby rejected

[BPsTheMan]

I'm a from the beach fan but I'll tell Racks when he isn't on the money and this column has issues.   Sorry Racks, just honesty.

blah blah blah blah blah..

[BPsTheMan]

I KNEW IT!!!!!

now we're both logged in at the same time - how do you splain that one smart guy?

how's your herpes?

[Boardon Hamsay]

Uh, Scarlett, you forgot to post that last one as Harry.

You're slippin.

I KNEW IT!!!!!

Ragks and I collaborate on critical Hogville initiatives from time to time. Namely Hoffa threads, Team Blasingame III business, encouraging the return of [you], Tavern affairs, and keeping OTR in check via a human betterment program that includes a medieval torture inspired, inclusionary teased reward system that ultimately still alienates him due to lacking worthiness.

[RazorbackRon]

now we're both logged in at the same time - how do you splain that one smart guy?

Isn't that what MrCoolHhog and PantherHoggy also proclaimed?

[MuskogeeHogFan]

now we're both logged in at the same time - how do you splain that one smart guy?

how's your herpes?

I guess it is good that we have a senseless thread with no actual direction or meaningful content to keep all the Pro-Bielema's and Anti-Bielema's from taking each other out. Oh boy.

[King TUSKankahamun]

now we're both logged in at the same time - how do you splain that one smart guy?

So what, you've got 2 accounts and the ability to do some kinda woo doo voo doo. Tall order for a short man

[bphi11ips]

This inspired me to Google some Dave Barry quotes.

[Robert Shields]

The ArkansasSports360 comment made me laugh.

Didn't read it.

[Jackrabbit Hog]

The ArkansasSports360 comment made me laugh.

Didn't read it.

Well played, sir.  Well played.

[Biggus Piggus]

Well played, sir.  Well played.

How? How did he read that comment if he "didn't read it." As confused as ever.