I bet my Wallabees we beat either Ole Miss or Misser State: From the beach, by Harry Rex Vonner

[BPsTheMan]

I freely admit, when I wrote my last column, I was drunk. Guess what I am this time.. Drunk again. But as my journalistic career has taken off, I bought new Wallabee shoes to help me look the part. Still ain't found the right derby hat yet, and I'm not going to push the issue. I'm going to let it come to me. In the meantime, I'll just keep working. Working for you Hogville. I'll be working the day I die. Covering the Razorbacks for Hogville.

I did a half day at my other job today, and I just left JJ's in Rogers. And while at JJ's, I learned nothing except our waitress was hot. I was with Royals fans, and we all talked about work, and how hot our waitress was. Useless.

But it's not about what I didn't learn. It's about what I already know: more than Robert Shields. And I also realize I didn't pre-empt Robert this time. He's like clockwork on Monday at 10:30 am. I'm like a week and a few days behind. I'm okay with that, and I don't care if you are. I'm a Maverick. If that pisses you off, hey, I'm a tough journalist.

So we lost to Bama by one point. It was a moral victory. But many only want to talk about the bottom line. Well, you know what the bottom line is? Buy low. Because the stock market is tanking. That's the bottom line. If you aren't 70, keep buying, you idiots. If you think you're going to sell off all of your IRA at just the right time, bank all that 30 percent return over the last year and a half, and then buy it back at the right time, John L. Smith is laughing at you.

Bottom line moral victory is what I'm about. And the way we played the second half against Georgia was a moral victory too.

Folks, the Razorbacks are leading the nation in moral victories. I like moral victories. People who hate them are the same people who quit football their junior year in high school, scored an intramural championship in club flag football in college, and then watched Saving Private Ryan and thought they'd all the sudden become a badass. I'm not that guy. I'm that other guy. Like Marky Mark. The moral victory lover who would have kicked Nick Saban's ass on kickoff team as a player, if for any other reason, because he's smaller than me. That little punk.

So who we scared of? If I was at Bama, I could recruit 5 stars. Harry Rex Vonner! Recruiter of 5 stars at Bama who could kick Nick Saban's ass if we actually played football against each other!!! He got jobs because people thought he was Lou Saban, and he's 5 foot 5!! Please. Ninth grade girls are 5'5! Look at his coaching tree. Derek Dooley and Will Muschamp!

So who's winning here? Arkansas is! Running the ball. Tripping people. A little play action to the tight end and then watch Texas A&M get beat 59-0 on TV. Make a heartfelt comeback in the second half against Georgia and get on the bus before white Little Rockans start pretending they want to fight on the War Memorial Golf Course. I bet they wouldn't be on Markham yelling like that after dark. Chumps. So whoever that shirtless guy was yelling about fighting, Harry Rex Vonner is calling you out right now on national message board. Chump!

CBB is bringing this thing along folks, and Jeff Long is about to make a decision on whether or not he wants to become the new Mike Slive. Penn Wagers is retiring. Doyle Jackson's old crew is taking over. Screw you Auburn! And screw Katie Perry! 

After we beat UAB, it's a new season. Four games left and we will go 3-1 from there. Finish the season 7-5 in Columbia, MO, the city with no pizza. So when that happens, it won't be hard to skip the pizza, get your asses back in the car and head back home. Meet the team when they arrive and rush the new football facility in celebration of a bowl bid. Acting like we've been there before.

Now, I'm against the legalization of marijuana folks. But, BUT, I will be FOR the temporary legalization of marijuana.. for just that weekend. In Fayetteville, lighting up some buds in celebration of The Season Of Frank. Christian or atheist, Republican or Democrat, red and yellow, black and white, finger in the air alma mater guys and sidewalk fans alike, partaking of some of that naturally grown sedative as a group.

Lighting one up for the Hogs and the Liberty Bowl. I might even get a tattoo.


Send your complaints to Wayne.

[DeltaBoy]

Put down your pipe and that jug of Shine your hitting.

[hogsanity]

The conventional wisdom is that Bo Wallace will have at least 1 Bo Wallace game, where peope will just wonder what the heck he was doing.  The things is though, their DEFENSE can cover up for a whole lot of mistakes. 

[Sir Oinksalot]

Haha...

Hare, Hare the T-Rex Von Braunner-Krishna !!

give 'um hell Hare...

[snoblind]

3 questions...

Who is Robert Shields?
They still sell Wallabees?
What happened to those Ukrainian refuges?

[BPsTheMan]

3 questions...

Who is Robert Shields?
They still sell Wallabees?
What happened to those Ukrainian refuges?

refugees are at my house

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=wallabees

don't know the answer to the other question

[HogFansReunited]

Damn good read but who the hell is Robert Shields?

[Boardon Hamsay]

Good read, Rex.  Richly slathered in quality insights that you can't get over from the bench, or from the birch, or in between the beech trees or from whatever that Shields guy pines about.

[PonderinHog]

Good read, Rex.  Richly slathered in quality insights that you can't get over from the bench, or from the birch, or in between the beech trees or from whatever that Shields guy pines about.

Reported to Wayne.

[Suidae Suis Scrofa]

After reading that entire missive I agree.  I think.  All I know for sure is that I'm confused. 

-phil

[Dwight_K_Shrute]

Sorry but the waitresses at JJ's in Rogers are Fayetteville 5's at best.  The talent in Benco is lacking. Not sure how they are going to properly staff Twin Peaks in Rogers unless they import college girls.  I will drive the commuter bus from campus if needed.

[lumphog]

Finally..........someone with a clear grasp of WTH is going on

[Ex-Trumpet]

For those of you that were not driving yet in the '80's...these are Wallabees:

[panhandlepig]

  Harry Rex, before I decide whether or not I agree with anything you said, I have some questions.

  What is your fixation with clothes?

  Do you wear those wallabees with your cargo shorts? If and when you find the right derby will you wear it at the same time?

  Since when did Rogers Arkansas have a dang beach?

[snoblind]

For those of you that were not driving yet in the '80's...these are Wallabees:

I think I still have a pair or two in the back of a closet.  Haven't worn them in years, going to have to check and pull them out.

[snoblind]

refugees are at my house

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=wallabees

don't know the answer to the other question

Pics or we don't believe you.

Geez, can't believe the price on them these days.

Don't care, just felt obligated to ask for some reason.

[Großer Kriegschwein]

2 things forgot to address that are critical during the season of Frank:

1) You forgot frito pie in there somewhere

2) You Didn't remind everyone that Rev is lost in an outhouse in southern Missouri

[Ex-Trumpet]

I think I still have a pair or two in the back of a closet.  Haven't worn them in years, going to have to check and pull them out.

The Wallabees are a thing of beauty...even after I snow-guarded them.  The suede is now more like a smooth leather.  And the most comfy shoe I have ever had.

And, they look great with either cargo or gym shorts.

[BPsTheMan]

  Harry Rex, before I decide whether or not I agree with anything you said, I have some questions.

  What is your fixation with clothes?

  Do you wear those wallabees with your cargo shorts? If and when you find the right derby will you wear it at the same time?

  Since when did Rogers Arkansas have a dang beach?

all good questions sweet lady, all good questions..

per fixation with clothes, I'd forgotten I'd written about cargo shorts, so you have a point there. I need to go to a hypnotist and find out what the hell is going on with that

per Wallabees with cargo shorts and the derby hat, sure I'd wear them together. Why not?

as for Rogers and the beach, I'm lying about being at the beach

[BPsTheMan]

2 things forgot to address that are critical during the season of Frank:

1) You forgot frito pie in there somewhere

2) You Didn't remind everyone that Rev is lost in an outhouse in southern Missouri

per Frito Pie, this was not a poll

per Rev, he has you fooled. If he says he's in an outhouse in southern MO, he's really in a honky tonk in Hazard Kentucky. If he says he's touring old Virginia plantations for a documentary, he's really running OKC Thunder ticket scalping in Bricktown.

per Trumpet and Sno, we should start a band called the Wallabee Brothers. Robert Shields does not have a band.

[The_Hog_Father]

Keep these coming Rex, love it.  :razorback:

Robert Shields, not so much though... 

[thebignasty]

These are going to put all the other mmqb opinion piece journalists out of work. 

[lumphog]

Well, I'm writin you back to say you hadn't said anything about Mama or trains or trucks or prison, but you did mention gettin drunk

[poloprince]

Wallabees show swag.

[panhandlepig]

all good questions sweet lady, all good questions..

per fixation with clothes, I'd forgotten I'd written about cargo shorts, so you have a point there. I need to go to a hypnotist and find out what the hell is going on with that

per Wallabees with cargo shorts and the derby hat, sure I'd wear them together. Why not?

as for Rogers and the beach, I'm lying about being at the beach

  Great answers, Harry Rex. I will now agree with everything you said, even though I didn't read anything past the first paragraph and likely won't

  Don't think I have a problem with cargo shorts. Quite the contrary. I wouldn't be caught dead in them since I'm a girl. But, cargo shorts are all I buy for my husband. He hasn't shopped for himself in 20 years and trusts me for all his fashion choices.

Since I discovered cargo shorts, I no longer have to carry a purse. I can pack all my essentials in my hubs pockets...oh the freedom. I hate a purse, always have, always will.

  I wouldn't bother with a hypnotist. Just rock your cargo shorts, your wallabees and your derby hat and don't give it another thought. I am assuming you will sport a hog tee with that ensemble? Please tell me you will. Go Hogs. BEAT UAB.

[BPsTheMan]

  Great answers, Harry Rex. I will now agree with everything you said, even though I didn't read anything past the first paragraph and likely won't

  Don't think I have a problem with cargo shorts. Quite the contrary. I wouldn't be caught dead in them since I'm a girl. But, cargo shorts are all I buy for my husband. He hasn't shopped for himself in 20 years and trusts me for all his fashion choices.

Since I discovered cargo shorts, I no longer have to carry a purse. I can pack all my essentials in my hubs pockets...oh the freedom. I hate a purse, always have, always will.

  I wouldn't bother with a hypnotist. Just rock your cargo shorts, your wallabees and your derby hat and don't give it another thought. I am assuming you will sport a hog tee with that ensemble? Please tell me you will. Go Hogs. BEAT UAB.

long sleeve t shirt underneath and a Hog tee on top - I basically dress now like I did when I was ten

[panhandlepig]

long sleeve t shirt underneath and a Hog tee on top - I basically dress now like I did when I was ten

   Sounds good to me. Now that I think about it, thats how I prefer to dress too...except when I have to look like an adult, which is increasingly rare.

[Boardon Hamsay]

Reported to Wayne.

Reported to Tom Cotton and Madeline Albright

[PonderinHog]

Reported to Tom Cotton and Madeline Albright

Guaranteed ugly baby contest winner.

[Boardon Hamsay]

Guaranteed ugly baby contest winner.

Well, you got me there!

[Pigsknuckles]

Put down your pipe and that jug of Shine your hitting.

...and give it to me...HRV makes more sense than anything I have heard the past week.

[bphi11ips]

Harry Rex and Seattle Hog propping this dump up.

[preachr]

HRV is my favorite writer.

Except for his use of words that wouldn't have been approved at Harding.

And most of the other ones.

[moses_007]

"John L. Smith is laughing at you."

Actually, I bet John L. laughs his ass off everytime we lose.  He's probably thinking, "Hell, they let me go and look at the Curly they have now running their team...."

[zane]

People are gushing about the quality of content and journalism that HRV so passionately and eloquently puts forth when penning his stories about the hogs.



Contrast that to Bob Shields in his mom's basement like.....

[Mike_e]

So, Harry Rex, When are you coming out with your top 25 list of moral victory winners.

It's good to know we're back in the top 25, thanks for that and keep up the good work. -if you call it that-

[preachr]

Harry Rex and Seattle Hog propping this dump up.

This.

[code red]

Why is this still here??

[MrKnowItAll]

Why is this still here??

Shirley you jest ?

[SemperFi]

Reading threads like this remind me of why I love Hogville so much and that no other message board by any other fan base can match wit with those that do make this board so fun to be part of.

[Ex-Trumpet]

HRV, you need to post a link to some great 'bro country tunes while we read your compositions...and that would be awesome!

[LZH]

I actually understood every single word in that glorious post......

[panhandlepig]

I actually understood every single word in that glorious post......

  I just now got around to reading every word..I've read better and I've read worse.

Sometimes in life you just gotta appreciate when someone  writes something that makes sense. Sometimes in  life, you have to ask yourself why you care.

   I give up trying to figure it out  and don't' care why I care anymore. Go Hogs.

[XX]

Never thought I'd miss reading Robert Shields...