Great Aggie Jokes thread

[Donny2665]

Here is one from way back when they first started putting the hi beam switch on the column.

Auto manufacturing companies have been approached to move the hi beam switch back to the floor board, sighting the reason "too many damn aggies involved in accidents from getting their foot caught in the steering wheel while trying to dim their headlights to oncoming traffic."

[dc10x1103]

1. aggie child goes up to his mother and asks,"can i have another dog"?  the mother answers,"absolutely not.  you haven't finished the one you have now yet".  2.  why does san francisco have more gays than texas has aggies?  san francisco got 1st choice.

[Huckleberry Pig]

We might get it handed to us saturday..but..ef it, i'm still supporting the team and figure we might as well have a little fun at the #aggies' expense.

Did you hear the Texas A&M library burned down? The saddest part was that half the books weren't colored in yet.
The OU library burned down too. They lost their book.

Two Aggie football players were down in College Station partying. They were hootin' and hollerin' when a bartender
asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it
only took two months. "Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender. The Aggie replied, "Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years."

Q: Why do Aggie cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

Q: How do you get an Aggie cheerleader into your dorm room?
A: Grease her HIS hips and push.

FIFY... we all know they dont have cheerleaders.

[JethroB.]

FIFY... we all know they dont have cheerleaders.

Ha!! good point

[mad hawg]

Q: how can you spot an aggie in Vegas?
A:  he's the only one playing the parking meters. 

[OldArmy94]

Yes, I am an Aggie, and I love Aggie jokes.  So, please feel free to share!  I will get us started:


* Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at A&M. The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

* Did you know that an Aggie engineer invented the toilet seat?  Unfortunately, a UT engineer stole the design and cut a hole in the middle.

* Did you hear about the Aggie whose wife gave birth to twins?  He demanded that she tell him who the other man was.

* Rectal thermometers are banned in College Station.  It seems that they were causing too much brain damage.

Ok, your turn.  Gig 'em, and here's to a good game on Saturday!

[McKdaddy]

Welcome back, Sarge. I'll be the Hog fan sitting on the 42-yard line w/ 3 Ags -- my in-laws -- as my guests in RRS. I've asked them not to be too red-a$$ during the game, so as to not piss-off my friends in red that sit nearby.

[Arkansas Fan]

There's only steers and queers in Texas...and we know UT is the steers!

[Hogman2]

How many Aggies does it take to change a light bulb?  Answer:  5 ; 1 to hold the lite bulb and four to turn the chair!

[TOM "tbw1"]

Dennis Franchione?

[HogShat]

How do you get a one armed aggie out of a tree?? Wave at him!

Did you know the wave was banned at Kyle Field? Last year 3 aggies drowned..

How do you get an A&M cheerleader in your dorm room? Grease her hips and push like hell...

[LuckyDavey]

Two Aggies after graduation decided to start a chicken farm.  They bought a thousand baby chicks and planted them feet first out in the field.  After 2 days, they were all dead.  Undaunted, they bought a thousand more baby chicks.  This time they planted them head first.  They were all dead in a very short time.  They decided to check with their old professor at A&M.  They wrote him of the problem with all the details.  A few days later, they received his reply, "How many times did I tell all of you not to send me a problem like this without including a soil sample?"

[JethroB.]

Know what you get when you drive through College Station real slow??

A degree

[Augustus]

Why is ice no longer available at Kyle Field?

Because the one person at A&M that knew the recipe, graduated.

[Ex-Trumpet]

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[Ex-Trumpet]

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[SC Hogman]

Did you hear about the Aggie that got stranded on a stopped escalator?

[devildoghawg]

Johnny Football was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says, "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."

[Ex-Trumpet]

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[Ex-Trumpet]

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[davidharwood]

Aggie jokes coming in so fast it messes you up

[Ex-Trumpet]

.

[dcrback]

Aggie father to son...'I would have sent you more money, but the envelope was already sealed'.

'Son, I'm sending you money for a cell-phone so you can call for help the next time you get locked in your car'.

Oldies that I remember...

[stan the man]

I'm afraid after Saturday,the joke will be on us

[HogFanatic]

Someone should post the "fan too stupid to use hat" pic.
That doucher was wearing an aggies hat.

[jcharkansas]

I'm afraid after Saturday,the joke will be on us

Yep so you better make the most of this thread cuz after Saturday they won't be quite as funny

[Bucksnort]

How do Aggies practice safe sex?
            They get rid of all the animals that kick.

[Augustus]

[wupigsuey]

That's pretty good

[Bahahaha11]

I was out fishin with a couple of aggie friends of mine about a month ago and we weren't having much luck so I asked if it was time to pull up for lunch. they said, "yeah, thats a good idea."

So we got to shore and one of the aggies pulled out a long red tube like object. The other aggie asked.."man, what you got there"

"This here is what they call a termis."

"A Termis?" the other asked....

Yeah, a Termis....you see, its pretty cool. You put something Hot in it and it stays hot. You put something cold in it and it stays cold. Its one of the coolest inventions this decade."

"Ill be dipped" the other one said...."well, what you got in that thing anyway?" He asked.

"well, I have a cup of chicken Noodle soup and 2 popsicles."

[Ex-Trumpet]

Someone should post the "fan too stupid to use hat" pic.
That doucher was wearing an aggies hat.

Photoshopped, but still good! 

[rljjr]

Aggies after Manziel leaves?

[Augustus]

[Ex-Trumpet]

Wonder how JM's tattoo goes over in the aTm locker room?

[Wayne Watson]

You know you're getting close to College Station when you see the sheep backed up to the fence.

[kaiserhog]

You know you're getting close to College Station when you see the sheep backed up to the fence.

Ha. Sometimes, I miss the Southwest Conference.

[ErieHog]

There are no Aggie jokes.  Just true stories.

[Ramtough]

3 aggie fans drown today when the pickup they were riding in the back of ran into a lake and they were unable to lower the tailgate to escape.

[PygmalionEffect]

Did you hear about the aggie that broke his leg raking leaves?
















he fell out of the tree

[BERLY_HOGMAN]

 What do you call an Aggie with 2 brain cells?











































PREGNANT!

[lahawg1]

How do you get an aggie to get off your front porch?

























































You pay for the pizza......

[pigmailyen]

An A&M student went door to door with a can of paint and a brush, looking for work during summer break in an upscale neighborhood.  He knocked on one lady's door and asked if she would like him to paint anything for her.  The lady immediately said, "Heaven must have sent you!.  My porch looks awful, and I'll pay you $100 to paint it." 

They shook hands, and the lady went back in the house.  After some time had passed, the Aggie knocked on the door again.  "I'm finished now," he said.  When the lady looked out on the porch to check his work, it looked exactly the same. 

"You said you were going to paint my porch--" she started to say.  The Aggie, still holding the wet paintbrush, cut her off with a knowing smile and said, "It's alright, ma'am.  I realized right away that it's not a porch.  It's a Mercedes."

[AcornHunter]

How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?

Three . . . one to eat and two to watch for cars.

[the_kosher_pig]

The local power company in Arkansas needed light poles installed.  They had to break up the contract and get it from an outside vendor.  They chose a team from Texas A&M and from Arkansas.  The Arkansas team comes back to report to the supervisor.  They say "we put in 29 poles today."  The supervisor was impressed.  An hour later, the A&M team finally shows up.  He asks them, "how many poles did you put in today?"  They responded "3."  The supervisor shakes his head and points out the Arkansas team put in 29.  The A&M team said "yeah, but they left 30 foot sticking out of the ground!"

[the_kosher_pig]

Arkansas, Vanderbilt, and A&M all received grants to find out why the [CENSORED] has a head on it.  The Arkansas team reports back that it's to give more pleasure to the male.  Vanderbilt reports back with a study proving it's for female pleasure.



The A&M team comes back and says it's to keep your hand from slipping off and hitting you in the face.

[jojogunn]

The Aggie's Momma asked her son what he wanted for Christmas.  He said he would like some new clothes and something to play with.  She got him a new pair of pants with a hole in the pocket.:-)  :razorback:

[NuttinItUp]

Wonder how JM's tattoo goes over in the aTm locker room?

Funny, but unfortunately photoshopped.
http://totalfratmove.com/johnny-manziel-in-cabo-for-spring-break-reveals-texas-longhorn-tattoo-or-does-he/
http://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2013/3/13/4098292/johnny-manziel-texas-tattoo
http://www.goodbullhunting.com/2013/3/12/4094698/johnny-manziel-tattoo-pics-faked-original-pic

[lahawg1]

Did ya hear about the Aggies going to Fayetville for the game? They got to Shreveport and the sign said "Arkansas Left" so they went back home......

[AcornHunter]

When the Aggie fans hit town, you people need to be extremely careful with your jokes.

A while back I was poppin' some loud Aggie jokes in a crowded ice house down on the Brazos.  The joint was near the joke factory, so there were some students and fans in there.  The beer was cold, and I was really crankin' 'em out and puttin' 'em down.  Of course, I got into an altercation with an Aggie.  Rather than let it progress to fisticuffs (he was XXL) I made my exit (plus I was outnumbered) and headed on out to the pickup.

He and a couple of his buddies followed me out.  He was livid and red-faced, slobberin' all down his front.  I was scared.  As I fumbled with my keys to hurry and unlock the door, he pulled a razor on me.  I truly believe that he would have cut my throat . . .  if he could have found a place to plug it in.

[HawginTexas]

At the beginning of spring a car was found with three dead Aggies at a drive in movie. Authorities concluded that they had frozen to death during the winter. The police said that on the marquee was the words "Closed for the Season" and the aggies confused this for a movie title.