Crazy people you've met in the gym...

[twistitup]

Big Old Dude....

I swear there is a dude 70+ yrs old and this guy is in better shape than anyone in there. Full beard (grey), Full head of grey hair, and built like a brick shiite house ~

Obsessive about his guns; I would be too at his age

[razorbackfanatic]

I didnt ever workout with this guy but I think this story fits in well here. I use to work with this guy at Walmart DC in Clarksville. We never really had an official nickname for him but I have called him klepto, blackdutch and 501.
This guy was in his late 30's and was former military for about 15 years. He wasnt that big prob about 5'8" 170 but had unbelievable biceps. The rest of his arm was descent but his bicep looked like a softball, it had no length to it, just a giant ball. I think the guy just sat around at home and did curls all day. He is very dark complected and he looks half mexican but he always denied it. He told us one day his dad was black dutch!
My department(meat and produce) worked second shift and was real young and we were all full of piss and vinegar so we would pull some ungodly production numbers and then some of us would go out in the parking lot and play basketball until 4 or 5 in the morning. He would were stone washed or just denim Levi's and always take his shirt off. He looked...

[razorbackfanatic]

...like a model from a Levi's jean commercial and he sweat like a whore in church. Seems like I always got stuck guarding him, he would sweat all over u.
This guys wife was a hardcore pentecostal but u wouldnt think he'd been in church a day in his life. He drank like a fish, stayed out all night, would always go to parties some of us would throw and he cussed like a sailor. One night at a party it was late about 2 and the party was about over, I noticed a friend of mine had a spotlight that looked just like the one I had in my car, so I said that looks just like mine and he said it might be, blackdutch had it earlier. So I went to my car and he had ransacked it. My glove compartment and console had all been gone through and he had taken the light bc I didnt have anything good in there. This was the first time we realized he was a thief. He got caught at another party later and was confronted and he started crying and stuff and told everyone he had a problem.  This guy would drive down the road in his pickup and if u had a bicycle, lawnmower, weedeater, etc. sitting in ur yard he would pull over grab it and would take it to a pawn shop or take it home and fix it then take to a pawn shop...

[razorbackfanatic]

... One night we were at my friends apartment after work drinking and it was like 5 in tbe morning and Blackdutch started freaking out and said he had to get home before his wife woke up and jumped in his truck.
This guy was completely wasted and everyone tried to stop him but he wasnt having any of it. Also he had been driving home drunk for the 3 or 4 years we knew him at this point. He was so bad he couldnt get it in gear(standard) and a friend of mine had to help him.  A couple guys were like we gotta follow him, but he just took off out of the apartment complex. At the end of the street u come to a hwy and u must turn left or right. If u go straight theres a house and their driveway but its down a hill. He completely ran the stop sign bounced across the higher road and landed in these peoples driveway.
He hit so hard his (stolen) pushmower in the back of the truck flew out and landed in the middle of the highway and started rolling down the road. A couple of my friends jumped in their cars to go get him, but...

[razorbackfanatic]

...he threw the truck in reverse flew out of the driveway and headed right towards the interstate. But when he swung right he went off the road onto a field by the hwy and took out about 200 yards of barbwired fence and finally got back on the hwy. He then headed to Scranton and back home to Bellville just outside Danville. He left my friends behind before they ever got to the Arkansas river bridge at Scranton! He was like no other person I have ever met.  I got a few more stories about him, but this took way longer than I expected! Sorry for the length!

[kingofdequeen]

cool story(s), broseph.

[DeltaBoy]

We have a old Marine Recon guy who fought in Nam that I work out with some time His arms are the size of most people legs.

He cleans the racks on the Tricep machine , Lat pull and rowing machings.  4 sets of 10.

[razorbackfanatic]

One day at work we were orderfilling and I looked up and he was doing pull ups on the rack with his feet straight out in front of him, I watched him do about 30 like it was nothing.

[Grag T]

"Blackdutch" haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhaa that story is killing me 

+1

[Buck Ocean]

BLACK DUTCH is probably one of the top stories I've ever heard!

[Buck Ocean]

THE HITMEN featuring HOT ROD & PORTUGUESE

HOT ROD - An old timer.  50s style greaser.  He's probably 70.  Has white hair, slicks it back, and makes repeated trips to the lockerroom to break the comb out and work the Elvis look.  He loves to shoot the shine.  Loves the drag racing and motor speed t-shirts.  He's got an old camaro and parks it on the lawn at the gym.  We call him HOT ROD.  He always jacks up one foot on a bench, then crosses his arms over said knee when he's in B.S. mode.  We call that the "hot stance". 

PORTUGUESE - Training partner of HOT ROD.  He's from southwest Texas.  Short, but with a barell chest.  He seldom speaks, always keeping the arms straight, but with hands crossed, like an usher or a mafia don.  He will eyeball you from distance, not say a word. 

Alone, they are HOT ROD and PORTUGUESE.  Together, they are the HITMEN.

[Buck Ocean]

NAKED MAN

He's one of the coolest dudes ever.  Early 40s, fake tan, gold chain and feathered hair.  He's athletic, knows his stuff, but loves the late 80s hot pink and purple striped tight euro shorts.  Good lookin leg definition, but hairy.  He insists on talking to you butt naked in the lockerroom.  As soon as he walks in the lockerroom, the underwear comes off.  He looks you dead in the eyes when he talks, expecting you to look at his dong with your periferal vision or something. 

[1CavHog]

We have a guy at our gym who looks exactly like Ted Kazynski, the unabomber. To top it off he wears full length spandex pants and tucks his shirts into them. Strong as an ox though and very friendly, just an odd sight.

[Buck Ocean]

We have a guy at our gym who looks exactly like Ted Kazynski, the unabomber. To top it off he wears full length spandex pants and tucks his shirts into them. Strong as an ox though and very friendly, just an odd sight.

Anytime you get a Unibomber sighting you had a good workout.

[Buck Ocean]

RIVER RAT

She is real lean, about 5'6 with ear length black hair pulled back in a tight ponytail.  Her ace isn't big, but toned.   And she cocks it up to the rear while she struts thru the gym making eye contact with young scum.  She's got the wide stance ghetto walk.  You know, toes pointed outward, shifting the hips at will.  Dont' get me wrong, she's in great shape.  But the head tilts back, and the nose is pointed up like a French cartoon charactor or one of Dr Seuss' Who characters.  So one day she's gettin after it on the eliptical, the usual.  But she wedges her wrists in there backwards and puts all the pressure on the arms and toes, that way she can point the ace up in the air.  She actually turned around, looked at me in the eyes, then looked at her own ace, then looked back at me to see if I was interested.  Almost like  "Hey, you see this ace right here?"  So my buddy said "Look at that ol' river rat gettin it upstream."  Like she was paddling a kayak on the Colorado.  [CENSORED] awesome. 

[DeltaBoy]

Better watch out she will pin you to the floor and take you!

[Grag T]

"River Rat", haaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!  +1

I think EVERY gym has a nasty ol' river rat (or several.)  Typical chick who is about a 5 but thinks she's a 9... and surely the whole world must revolve around her undeniable planet-aligning hotness.  Struts around like a supermodel in heat completely unaware that she is more repulsive than anything else.  It would actually be kinda sad if it weren't so funny to watch 

[kingofdequeen]

"River Rat", haaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!  +1

I think EVERY gym has a nasty ol' river rat (or several.)  Typical chick who is about a 5 but thinks she's a 9... and surely the whole world must revolve around her undeniable planet-aligning hotness.  Struts around like a supermodel in heat completely unaware that she is more repulsive than anything else.  It would actually be kinda sad if it weren't so funny to watch 

a five that acts like a nine is awful.

a seven that acts like a five is divine.

[DeltaBoy]

a five that acts like a nine is awful.

a seven that acts like a five is divine.

In the words of LSUfan  Dat Tru!

[Smolder]

we have a few at my gym.

There is a 60 year old woman who comes to the gym. Goes by all the weights and starts jazzercising for about 45 mins, then leaves. Pays 60 bucks a month to drive to a gym, dance in front of a mirror, and leave. I don't get it.

There is a 40 year old gentleman who runs the treadmill/stairclimber with a blindfold on everyday. At least once a week he falls.

[DeltaBoy]

The Perfume Queen   

She is in her late 40's or early 50's, store bought matching outfits,  but my lard she smells like she took a bath in some strong french perfume.  It is so strong I can not be with it 2 stations of her or I have a sinus flareup.   

[GS99]

ESPN gets in the act:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hruby/110120_gym_freaks

[DeltaBoy]

Certain times of the Day we have those ESPN The Yakker lined up on the Elcips or Treadmeals talking to each other or on the phone.

[Grag T]

I forgot all about

OBI WAYNE KENOBI

Wayne was the owner of this little gym in Texas I belonged to for about 4 years.  He was the biggest perfectionist on the face of the earth... I mean he would make sure that every weight would be on the correct spot on every weight tree at all times.  It was like he could sense "a disturbance in The Force" when a weight wasn't in it's proper place, thus he would periodically get up and put everything in it's exact spot.  OBI WAYNE KENOBI.

[Buck Ocean]

BILL CLINTON

5'9 and had the rear of a donkey.  Big glutes, wide quads.  He loved the hacksquat.  In between sets, he would post up with one foot crossed over the other, putting weight on one leg.  He always coughed and cleared his throat when he was in the company of others, almost as an attention getter to get strangers to look his direction.   He would go all the way down on squats too.   And not to mention.......the head of BILL CLINTON.


THE T-SHIRT BROTHERS

Two brothers, one already fit and one nerd trying to get fit.  The fit one had the outgoing personality.  Would talk your leg off and sell it for more oxygen.  The nerd was quite, but had dry humor within.   The lead brother always sold up his fitness and lifts.  I've never seen anyone take the hand held digital fat readers worth a penny, but this dude bet the farm on it.  "You see that?  I'm at 5% bodyfat"  Ha, ha....right.   The brothers always wore the white t-shirts.   And i'm not talkin country-style o.g.  2XL long like you see in Eudora, Ark.   I'm talkin about a British-esque medium with short short sleeves and the back barely covers the ace.   

[Buck Ocean]

EYE BALL BURNER

There was a guy at the Village that squinted his eyes so tight when he talked you couldn't tell if he had his eyes open or shut. Like a blind person almost.  Older guy, 50s.  Bald on top, shaved on the sides.  Dark eyebrows.  Kinda hairy.  Decent shape.  Went with the sleeveless tee's and would always don the calf high white socks pulled up as high as possible.  He really liked to hang out in the lockerroom and strike up conversation, preying on innocent young men.  He always asked the questions, spoke very little of himself.  The sauna is where he would hook you in.  Thing is that since you couldnt tell what he was looking at, you went by his angle or direction he held his head.  Well, as if you couldnt imagine where this story was going.......he loved to fix the position of his head to where it was pointing right at your dengus and continue to have conversation.  To make matters worse, my workout partner seen him and another man sitting on the same side of a booth rounder at Basil's. 

[Buck Ocean]

BABE LEWELLYN

Real big guy, great shape.  6'1 250 off-season, 220 ripped torn.  He was into the gas, but the real real good gas.  He had a pharmaceutical background with extensive weight training experience.  He trained like an IFBB pro and to this day he did some amazing feats i've yet to see replicated.  I would talk to him occasionally and he would shoot the shine with me back.  My training partner said he worked with him at the WM Fitness Center in the 90s.  His name was Todd.  So me and my partner are working out, and my buddy points out Todd on the other side of the gym.  Todd must have thought he was on stage at the New York Pro because he wore baby oil all over his body to work out.  My buddy says to me  "baby oil on".  But I've got my headphones in and what I made out of it was 'BABE LEWELLYN'.  So Todd became known as The Babe.  An update on The Babe, he is in jail awaiting trial for wacking a broad and dumping her body in Beaver Lake a few years ago.  The law never found the body, but from what I heard The Babe told some jokers he did it while he was in jail on a controlled substance charge.  The name Babe came long, long before he wacked that broad. 

[hogwild210]

I saw a guy wearing leopard print skinny jeans on the track at my gym today. I wish I was kidding 

[twistitup]

Muscle bound women who talk deep like men....now that shiite is CRAZY

[DeltaBoy]

My favorites are not Crazy but it is all the Hot Moms that come in with tight outfits and their hair pulled back in a pony tail.   They are plumb distracting at times.

[Hawg Balling]

There was a guy at our gym my wife and I knicknamed "Butt Cut" due to his hairstyle.  He was ripped, but I honestly don't think I ever saw him lift a weight or do anything in the gym other than talk to people. 

[DeltaBoy]

We have a group of Hot Moms that comes in to Samba 3 times a week Some of them could hurt a ole man like me real bad!

[Grag T]

Bump for the dillhole I saw in the gym yesterday;  I can't even come up with a nickname for what I saw.

This guy is on the bench press and with extraordinary difficulty was finally able to complete one rep with three plates (315).  Clearly having reached his max you would think he would go back down... but no, he then puts on four plates (405) and a spotter lifts probably a good hundred pounds of it.  THEN, he actually puts five plates on, and has three spotters lifting at least 200 of it.  AND YES, LO AND BEHOLD, dumb ass actually has them put six plates on the bar (585) and his spotters proceed to lift it down for him so as not to see him crushed through the floor and then they basically deadlift 300 pounds of it off of him. 

I have yet to figure what any of that so called workout was supposed to prove.  Someone feeling creative please come up with a name for this guy.

[HuntinHog]

Bump for the dillhole I saw in the gym yesterday;  I can't even come up with a nickname for what I saw.

This guy is on the bench press and with extraordinary difficulty was finally able to complete one rep with three plates (315).  Clearly having reached his max you would think he would go back down... but no, he then puts on four plates (405) and a spotter lifts probably a good hundred pounds of it.  THEN, he actually puts five plates on, and has three spotters lifting at least 200 of it.  AND YES, LO AND BEHOLD, dumb ass actually has them put six plates on the bar (585) and his spotters proceed to lift it down for him so as not to see him crushed through the floor and then they basically deadlift 300 pounds of it off of him. 

I have yet to figure what any of that so called workout was supposed to prove.  Someone feeling creative please come up with a name for this guy.

Why name someone who won't be around long? 

[Silver Hog]

What about the guy on the ipod/iphone that spends 4 minutes out of every 5 looking for a new song or texting.  The guy spends more time hunched over looking at his gadget and getting drinks than doing anyting productive.  All he is doing is taking up space I need if he decides to 'rest' on a bench I need.

[razorbacker231]

My current gym only has hot coed's and Moms but no weird guys except a similar Jean wearer like Buck described.

Hate to say it Delta but that probably means YOU'RE the resident weird guy 

HAHAHA.  I bet they are on their local...i dont know...stay at home moms forum.  Thread titled, "what keeps you from going to the gym more?"

"Well i am in the delta, and there is some weirdo with some obsession with young girls and moms.  He is always staring at us.  too....creepy...."

"Eww, That is sooo uncomfortable, like a delta gym stalker or something.  be safe, dont leave the gym by yourself at night if he is there...."




Oh snap, i can only seem to think of hotties and no weirdos myself though.  Guess im right there with you sir!  Oh well igorance was bliss while it lasted.

[DadVader1]

Most gyms have a Screamer - which doesn't need explanation.

There was a pretty-much legendary arm wrestling champion who used to work out at the old Razorback gym in LR who looked like the out-of-shape, older Elvis but who apparently had Popeye like forearm & wrist strength.

The owner of a Fayetteville gym in the early-to-mid 80s and a few of his powerlifting buddies were crazy in a GOOD way and made the gym a lot of fun.  I don't know how many times I saw one of them blow out nose capillaries and spray the mirror while doing squats.  It was like a badge of honor - and the mirror at that squat rack pretty much stayed gross.  I also loved his bulletin boards, which usually featured things like tiny condoms, quotes from serial killers, and such.

[Grag T]

lol, those previous posts are hilarious 

I just remembered SPAZWELL

This dude was as dumb as a retarded rock but looked like an even more handsome version of Ricky Martin.  Chicks would flock to him like a magnet, speak with him for a minute, and then walk away just laughing and shaking their heads.  His claim to fame was entering a tough man contest, getting winded about midway through the second round, and throwing up in the middle of the ring for everyone to cheer and laugh at.

Spaz, lol

[GS99]

There was a pretty-much legendary arm wrestling champion who used to work out at the old Razorback gym in LR who looked like the out-of-shape, older Elvis but who apparently had Popeye like forearm & wrist strength.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1220536/German-armwrestler-shows-single-Popeye-esque-limb.html

[fantana]

Awsome thread!! Every gym has the old man that sweats like he just got out of the pool and uses every bench before you....and doesnt wipe it down. And then there is the guy that hits the gym 5 days a week and does the same thing EVERY time (dont know why that bothers me).  I also love the guy that takes over 5 stations at once simultaneously while there is 9 other dudes wanting to lift.

[Silver Hog]

The noob:

I put my stuff on the leg curl machine and turn around to clean off the previous machine. I turn back and some jackhole is now sitting in the leg curl machine,  adjusting settings that I had already dialed in, and oblivious to the fact I am staring at him and waiting. 

He then proceeds to try and do leg extensions on it!   Then it dawns on me - has has NO clue how to use the machines at all, and he has no gym etiquette what so ever.  Figure he must have come in on a free pass, haven't seen him since.

[DeltaBoy]

The noob:

I put my stuff on the leg curl machine and turn around to clean off the previous machine. I turn back and some jackhole is now sitting in the leg curl machine,  adjusting settings that I had already dialed in, and oblivious to the fact I am staring at him and waiting. 

He then proceeds to try and do leg extensions on it!   Then it dawns on me - has has NO clue how to use the machines at all, and he has no gym etiquette what so ever.  Figure he must have come in on a free pass, haven't seen him since.

We get them at our gym in Jan every year.

[Hawg Balling]

We get them at our gym in Jan every year.

I hate going to the gym in January, early February, and May and having to work my way through the New Years resolutioners and summer weather noobs. 

[DeltaBoy]

I hate going to the gym in January, early February, and May and having to work my way through the New Years resolutioners and summer weather noobs. 

It is a real pain especially the talkers who take 15 minutes between sets visiting.

[fortson23]

the worst is the guys that lie at the gym when u asked the for a spot and they tell u what "they used to be able to do"

[hawgball]

Favorite is the time a guy jumped up from the weight bench and broke out singing 'Born to be Wild' along with the overhead music. He realized what he did, turned red...looked around and quietly said "I'm sorry".  Must have been a great set.

[BigSexyHog]

At every gym, there is a guy who wears spandex shorts with a tucked in tank top.  Never fails.

There are also the old men who use paper towels to dry off after showering.

LMFAO.... This is so true

[Buck Ocean]

Got plenty to add over the winter.

DELTA BRAVO - In the 40-50 year old range.  Blue jean warrior.  Rolls sleeves up on the Harley Davidson t-shirt.  He walks totally bowed out, moving in a manner that looks like he froze his arms midway up doing a side delt lateral raise.  The head is tilted back ever so slightly.  He goes with a fro-hawk or euro-hawk, no skin showing, just feathering the hair back on the top end.  He will steal your station in a heart beat! Doesnt matter, marked with your towel and water bottle this guy don't care.  Once I went to the bathroom and came back with my stuff in a corner and him on my bench! I was actually so shocked I laughed instead of getting pissed.  BUT, that was the first time.  I truely don't get along with this dude.  He's the ULTIMATE d-bag......The Delta Bravo

EYE CONTACT - The old E.C.'s head is on a swivle with a tractor beam zero'd in on the pupil of peoples eyes.  He has this tight lip seal on his mouth, which comes across as a smirk.  Totally shaved bald head, and probably an older guy.   He loves to be noticed.  He loves to get in your way.  I have no idea where the attention crave comes from in this gentlemen, but I guess I didn't look his direction one day when he was in my area.  I'm over on the smith machine with only a mirror in front of me, along with some old monolith equipment on the right hand side.  No need for anyone other than me to be over there.  So in come this dude, and visibly places a screw on this piece of equipment right to my side, ultimately getting my attention.  Looked at me and gave the tight lip seal nod, along with some eye contact.  What the hell? This screw literally belongs here? B.S. dude. 

SKUNK WORKS - Got someone working at the gym that is proving to be a problem in depth perception.  From the back, very petite wearing tight pants and oversized t-shirt.  The hair is the black on top, bleached underneath approach which I'm sure cost $100 at a hair dresser but looks like Gravette's Dollar General bathtub job.  When she turns around, its the return of burn out.  Real old, smokers talk.  Constant prankster.  She comes up and pulls the pins out of your chest press while you arnt looking, and for a split second you think 220 pounds is no challenge.  She comes up behing you and steps on the scale when you weigh yourself, once again providing a sense of you let go of the rope with your diet. 

[DeltaBoy]

We are filled with Spandex Queens so far this month you can't get to Bikes or the E-Clip with out waiting.

[Grag T]

Buck those are awesome, keep 'em coming 


HOCKER- This nasty bastard is constantly snorting and hacking, clearing his sinuses.  CONSTANTLY.  He spends more time going back and forth to the lockerroom to spit then working out.  I guess we should just be thankful that he doesn't spit on the floor at least, he seems about that classy of a dude.

FILABIA MIGNON- This is just gross... I overheard some skany chick one night telling somebody about the huge mess known as her beef curtains.  Horrendous detail, she must've figured my headphones would have kept her conversation private but I didn't have any music on at that moment.  She goes through about one workout per week with a short little trainer who is a serious alcoholic.  Pretty sure he's slipping her one.