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Great Aggie Jokes thread

Started by JIHawg, March 26, 2007, 08:15:02 am

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grassroothog

What do you get when you put 32 aggies in the same room?




A full set of teeth.

ErieHog

Quote from: grassroothog on September 21, 2017, 07:28:07 pm
What do you get when you put 32 aggies in the same room?




A full set of teeth.

A collective IQ of 16.
No cause, ever, in the history of all mankind, has produced more cold-blooded tyrants, more slaughtered innocents, and more orphans than socialism with power. It surpassed, exponentially, all other systems of production in turning out the dead. The bodies are all around us. And here is the problem: No one talks about them. No one honors them. No one does penance for them. No one has committed suicide for having been an apologist for those who did this to them. No one pays for them. No one is hunted down to account for them. It is exactly what Solzhenitsyn foresaw in The Gulag Archipelago: "No, no one would have to answer. No one would be looked into." Until that happens, there is no "after socialism."

 

grassroothog


Oklahawg

Quote from: Grag T on September 21, 2017, 09:09:48 am
Aggie told his buddy "I'm gonna quit drinking.  Last night was the last straw, I came home and blew chunks."

Buddy said "So what?  I've done that countless times."

Aggie said "No you don't understand, chunks is MY DOG."

Hey, old buddy! Good to see you still have a sense of humor.
I am a Hog fan. I was long before my name was etched, twice, on the sidewalks on the Hill. I will be long after Sam Pittman and Eric Mussleman are coaches, and Hunter Yuracheck is AD. I am a Hog fan when we win, when we lose and when we don't play. I love hearing the UA band play the National Anthem on game day, but I sing along to the Alma Mater. I am a Hog fan.<br /><br />A liberal education is at the heart of a civil society, and at the heart of a liberal education is the act of teaching. - Bart Giamatti <br /><br />"It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth,' and so it goes away. Puzzling." ― Robert M. Pirsig<br /><br />Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.  – Yogi Berra

Oklahawg

The A&M grad got a job working for the Dallas police department.

The first day on his beat he found a pig wandering around Deep Ellum.

Having not covered what to do with random farm animals in police school, the aggie called his supervisor and said, "I found this pig wandering around Deep Ellum, what should I do with him?"

The supervisor rolled his eyes, sighed, and said, "ah, hell, take him to the Dallas zoo" thinking that would solve the problem and get the aggie back on his beat quickly.

The next day, the supervisor is walking through the squad room when he sees the aggie. Seated next tot he aggie is the pig.

The supervisor said, "Aggie, I thought I told you to take that pig to the Dallas zoo?"

The aggie replied, "Oh, I did. We had so much fun we are going to the Rangers game tonight."
I am a Hog fan. I was long before my name was etched, twice, on the sidewalks on the Hill. I will be long after Sam Pittman and Eric Mussleman are coaches, and Hunter Yuracheck is AD. I am a Hog fan when we win, when we lose and when we don't play. I love hearing the UA band play the National Anthem on game day, but I sing along to the Alma Mater. I am a Hog fan.<br /><br />A liberal education is at the heart of a civil society, and at the heart of a liberal education is the act of teaching. - Bart Giamatti <br /><br />"It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth,' and so it goes away. Puzzling." ― Robert M. Pirsig<br /><br />Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.  – Yogi Berra

LZH

Quote from: Grag T on September 21, 2017, 03:47:59 pm
Win or lose, at least we aren't this



Nearly as bad as the quarterback from Tennessee, his name is escapes me now, wore those little bikini drawers with his buddies posing on the dock. Too funny.....

hotdog hog

How do you get a one armed Aggie out of a tree?

Waive at him!

Ex-Trumpet

Quote from: Grag T on September 21, 2017, 03:47:59 pm
Win or lose, at least we aren't this



The more I look at this the more I'm convinced it actually is Sam Bradford.
Do dyslexic, agnostic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if there really is a dog?

Athog


MultipleScoreGasms

Why doesn't aTM teach driver's ed and sex ed in the same semester?

The mule gets too tired.

Hogtropolis™

Since it's Aggie week, I figured it was time for some Aggie jokes. What's your best or some of your best Aggie jokes?

Why can't Aggie farmers raise chickens?



They plant the eggs too deep.

parallaxpig

How do you get an TEXAS A & M graduate off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.
noun: parallax<br />the effect whereby the position or direction of an object appears to differ when viewed from different positions,

OneLardAlmighty

True story.  I lived in Waco for a few years on Austin Avenue, about a mile from downtown in one direction, and nearly a mile from Baylor's old stadium in the other direction.  Baylor was struggling in those days, so you could always count on their stadium being about half full, maybe even less.

One weekend A & M came to town, and in the late afternoon I noticed a continual stream of Aggie fans filing past my house.  They had parked downtown, some 2 miles away from the game.  No other team's fans did that.  There was usually ample parking in the big parking lots around the stadium and in the surrounding neighborhood.

My dad was visiting and noticing this curious spectacle, so he asked me why the Aggie fans parked so far away.  I told him it was a night game, so they parked downtown to give themselves more time to get to there.

 

RandyBo

An Aggie with a frog on his head comes into a bar and orders a beer.  The bartender serves a beer then watches as the frog reaches down grabs the beer and drinks it up.  The bartender looks the Aggie up and down then out of curiosity asks "What is that?"  The frog answers "I don't know but it started out as a wart on my backside."

rufus

What do you call 5 sheep tied to a post in College Station?

A brothel

howie76

An Aggie alum and Arkansas alum applied for a job at the same time, the employer said he could only hire 1 person. He told them to take this test and whoever scored the highest is who he would hire. Well after they took the test the employer graded them and said they both scored exactly the same, then he said I'll hire the Arkansas man. The Aggie got mad and said why are you hiring him? We scored the same, he said well... on question 11 the Arkansas man answered "I don't know" and you answered "me either"

Piggage

The Agriculture Department is glad that Daylight Saving Time ends this weekend. They were starting to get concerned that the extra hour of sunlight might be bad for the crops.

huntindoc

A contractor was meeting with the soon to be owners of the house he was building.  As they were going from room to room he would ask them what color they wanted the walls to be painted  After they responded he would walk to the window and yell outside, "green side up"!  After several rooms with this exchange the couple could not contain their curiosity.

They asked, "why do you yell green side up every time we tell you what color we want the room painted?"

The contractor replied, "Oh that has nothing to do with paint colors.  I have some Texas Aggies outside laying sod!"

HogBreath

A couple of aggies came up to Hope and bought a truckload of watermelons for $3 a piece, they drove back to the Dallas area, put their stand on the side of the road, and sold every watermelon...for $3 a piece. 

So they counted up their money, and discovered they hadn't made any.  They were very perplexed and trying to figure out what to do.  Finally the smart aggie spoke up and said he'd figured it, he knew what to do.

He said they'd need to buy a bigger truck.
I said...LSU has often been an overrated team.

That ignoramus Draconian Sanctions said..if we're overrated, why are we ranked higher than you are?

Razorbackers

College Station is a great town, and lots of fun to be in.


tophawg19

There was a Dumb aggie .......the end
if you ain't a hawg you ain't chitlins

East Clintwood

Why do Aggie graduates keep their diplomas on the dash of their car?





So they can use handicapped parking.
Any dog can be a seeing eye dog if you don't care where you're going.

          Like  blows - Bring back Karma

verticalhog

A Longwhorn fan ordered a custom Tesla with the horns of a longhorn mounted in front.  The car finally arrived and he excitedly went for a drive in the barren landscapes of Texas.  On a long straight road as he approached an intersection, he saw an old beat up car waiting at the stop sign.  Just as the Whorn approached, the beat up car pulled out and t-boned him.  His brand new pride and joy was totaled but the junker car had practically no damage.  After gathering his wits, he exited his wrecked Tesla to check out his car.  He looked over at the bumper of the junker and, sure enough, it had an aTm bumper sticker!  This made him really furious!  On the side of the road, he drew a circle in the dirt.  He said, "Hey, Aggie, get over here and stand in this circle and don't get out until I tell you that you can!!!"  The Aggie complied and the arrogant Whorn proceeded to completely dismantle the Aggie's only worldly possession, the junker car.  After the 30 minute ordeal, the sweaty Whorn fan was pleased that he had destroyed the Aggie's car.  He looked over at the Aggie who was still standing in the circle but was perplexed by the big smile on the Ag's face.  He said, "Aggie, I've just completely destroyed your only worldly possession and you're standing there with a big grin on your face!  Are you nuts?"  The Aggie proudly replied, "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!!!"

HogBreath

A Texas mom was pregnant and on the way to the hospital to deliver when she and her husband were in a horrible car wreck, killing the husband and knocking her unconscious for several days, during which time she delivered twins, one boy and one girl.

It's a Texas law that newborns have to be named within 24 hours of birth, and the ladies' only living relative was her brother a Texas Aggie.  So he had to name the babies.

When the mom came to she was told about her husband, but the good news was the children were fine, and had been named by her brother.  She cried out ..oh no..he's a stupid aggie, no telling what he named my babies.

The nurses said well, he named the girl Deniece, the mom said that's not too bad, what did he name the boy?

The nurse said Denephew.
I said...LSU has often been an overrated team.

That ignoramus Draconian Sanctions said..if we're overrated, why are we ranked higher than you are?

 

Biggus Piggus

The Texas A&M library collapsed, but thank goodness, they saved the books. One was torn but readable, but good news is the other book hadn't been colored in yet.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

After being rebuilt, the Texas A&M library had a power outage. Forty students almost starved to death on the escalator.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

Texas A&M this week decided that it was tired of being known as the Aggies, for obvious reasons, and held a poll to choose a new mascot.

The winner: The Opossums. Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

Texas A&M University shocked the science world by announcing that it was sponsoring the first manned spaceflight to the Sun.

NASA was concerned about the spacecraft burning up before it reached the Sun, but Aggie scientists were confident in success, as they plan to go at night.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

A Piper Cub crashed in a College Station cemetery. Aggie investigators have been working all day to recover the fatalities. The Aggies have found 300 dead and are still digging.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

What does the average Aggie football player get on his ACT? Drool.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

College Station put in traffic lights at every intersection around the Texas A&M campus. Cars were lining up as far as the eye could see, because the stop signs would never change.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

October 27, 2020, 02:18:48 pm #931 Last Edit: October 27, 2020, 09:56:55 pm by Biggus Piggus
The Texas A&M-Arkansas gavme had to be moved to College Station because when the Aggies' plane tried to land at Highfill International, the pilots complained that the runway was too short: only a couple hundred feet long but a mile wide.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

A devastating tornado swept through the Texas A&M campus. Caused $2 million in improvements.
[CENSORED]!

Biggus Piggus

Texas A&M and Arkansas were playing in College Station. A fierce thunderstorm rolled up in the first quarter, and the officials suspended play. The Razorbacks left the field. Sixty plays later, the Aggies punted again, and the game ended in a scoreless tie.
[CENSORED]!

HogBreath

Coach Dumbo Fisher gathered his aggies up and announced to the squad he'd heard there were 20 cases of gonorrhea in the locker room. 

The aggie team captain spoke up and said he was really glad to hear that, he was about sick & tired of gatorade.
I said...LSU has often been an overrated team.

That ignoramus Draconian Sanctions said..if we're overrated, why are we ranked higher than you are?

Biggus Piggus

Quote from: Razorbackers on October 27, 2020, 11:47:57 am
College Station is a great town, and lots of fun to be in.



Subtle but effective.
[CENSORED]!

The Royal Ham

2 aggies were deer hunting a somehow managed to bag their first ever buck. As they were dragging it through the woods the first aggie said "Moving this deer is harder than I thought it would be. His antlers keep getting stuck in the mud. How much further do we have?" The second aggie replied "We've probably got about a mile before we get to the truck". About that time another hunter happened along and noticed they were struggling in getting the deer out of the woods so he told them if they would pull the deer the other way it would be easier. So they took his advice and off they went again. After quite a while the first aggie said "You know that hunter was full of crap, it isn't  any easier to pull the deer this way". The second aggie responded "Yeah and now we're 2 miles from the truck".
January 05, 2024, 07:00:13 am
Thanks Hammer....I'll post another Saturday drank thread tomorrow...in the meantime, post anything you want here or ignore it.

Rev

Piggage

Q:  How many Aggie freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:  Freshmen don't change light bulbs. That's a sophomore class.

Piggage

An Aggie's wife gave birth to twins. He immediately grabbed his shotgun and ran out to find the other guy.

Count De Money

Last year it took aggies 12 hours to drive to Dallas.  Every time they passed a Clean Restroom sign they stopped and cleaned them.

Bogghawg

They can't serve ice water at the cafeterias at aTm anymore. The guy with the recipe for ice graduated.
Never Attempt To Teach a Pig To Sing; It Wastes Your Time and Annoys the Pig

sw403

The aggies are replacing the turf in their stadium with cardboard because the team is always better on paper. 

Bogghawg

Two aggies were out on the lake fishing and they found a sweet spot.  They were pulling in fish as fast as the could cast.  When it was time that they had to come in, one of them bent over the outside of the boat and made a giant red X with a magic marker on the outside of the boat.  "Why'd you do that?"  asked the other one.  "I'm marking the spot so we can come back here tomorrow!"  "You idiot, that won't work", the other said. "We might not get this same boat".
Never Attempt To Teach a Pig To Sing; It Wastes Your Time and Annoys the Pig

Swestwill66

Once the Aggies were playing Texas. Right before halftime an aggie accidentally fired off their cannon. Texas, being bored with the game leading 24-0, thought it was halftime. They ran to their locker and the refs ran after them and finally got them stopped from whacking each other on the backsides and back to the field. Unfortunately for the horns, while they were gone the Aggies had narrowed the gap. They had scored a touchdown and three field goals. Only punted twice.

farfromgroovins

The Hog, Texass, and Aggie football teams got summer jobs driving light poles in the ground for the electric company.
After the first day the company asked how many poles they set.

Hogs: "We set 50 poles"
Whorns: "We set 20 poles"
Aggies: "We set 3 poles"

Electric company asked, "Only 3 poles?  Why only 3?"
Aggies: "The other teams left theirs sticking out of the ground"


Svrdhd

The aggies originally moved away from natural grass on Kyle field in 1970 because the homecoming queen and her court would not stop grazing at halftime. In 1996 they went back to grass and sodded a strain of Bermuda that the bevy of A&M beauties really don't care for.
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

Swestwill66

Two Aggies went deer hunting. One accidentally shot the other. He finally got him to the hospital. The doctor comes out and say I'm sorry, he's gone. Heartbroken the aggie asks the doctor if there were something he could have done to save his little buddy. The doctor says well if you hadn't field dressed him.....

greenEGnHAWGS

Quote from: East Clintwood on October 27, 2020, 11:59:53 am
Why do Aggie graduates keep their diplomas on the dash of their car?





So they can use handicapped parking.

Now that's funny...
Did they get you to trade a walk on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage...?

Swestwill66

Two razorbacks went into a diner and sat at a table next to an Aggie. The waitress asks the first razorback what he would like. He says " I would like some sugar,..sugar ". She giggles and asks the second razorback what he would like. He says " I would like some honey,..honey ". She giggles again. Well, the Aggie watched and learned. She asks the Aggie what he would like. The Aggie says " Give me some bacon,..pig ".

Hogbauski

Four Aggies wrecked their pickup, flipping it into a creek. The two in the cab made it out okay, but the two in the bed drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate open.