Great Aggie Joke Thread

[WFCall73]

An aggy farmer and an aggy corps turd were walking through the aggy farmer's field one day when they came upon a sheep with his head stuck through the fence.

"Look at that poor sheep, he's stuck!" said the aggy corps turd.

"No he's not", said the aggy farmer, " his head is caught in the fence for a reason."

"What reason?" asked the aggy corps turd.

"Well, let me show you" said the aggy farmer, who promptly pulled down his pants and began to have furious sex with the sheep.

When he was finished the aggy farmer further explained "We stick their heads through the fence so they can't get away."

The aggy corps turd responds by saying, "I see. Well, that looks really fun!"

The aggy farmer says, "Would you like to try?"

The aggy corps turd responds with "I sure would!" and promptly sticks
his head though the fence.

[staffhog]

The Hogs and Aggies were plying in Fayetteville in 1968.  It was a struggle.  When they blew the whistle at half time, the Hogs jogged off the field.  The Aggies scored 6 plays later.

That year may be wrong.

[14erHog]

Aggie Corn Maze

[Hootiethehog]

did you hear? a&m had to close down the campus library: someone stole the book

[clockwisehog]

Two aggie pilots were on final approach to an unfamiliar airport in their King Air.  As they got closer, the pilot in command told the second officer, "That looks like a short runway, better reduce speed and give me an additional 10 degrees of flaps", which the SO does.  After another minute or so, the PIC says "Man, that is a REALLY short runway, not sure if we can make, better reduce speed a bit more and give me another 10 degrees of flaps", which the SO does. 

As they get very near the ground, the PIC again says "Wow, not sure I've landed on this short of a field before, let's bring the speed down to the minimum and give me full flaps, this is going to be tight".  The SO drops the flaps all the way and pulls the throttles back approaching the stall speed of the King Air. 

Just at the moment, they touch down and come to a screeching halt.  The PIC exclaims "Man that is the shortest runway I've ever landed on" to which the SO replied "Yep, but look how wide it is."

[pigture perfect]

Aggie Computer Jargin: Some terms ya need to be familiar with to do bidness in Aggie country:

LOG ON - Make a wood stove hotter
LOG OFF - Don't add no mo' wood
MONITOR - Keeping an eye on the woodstove
DOWNLOAD - Gettin farwood ofn the truk
MEGA HERTZ- When yer not keerful gettin the farwood
FLOPPY DISK - Whacha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM - That thar thing whut splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE - Gettin home in the winter time
PROMPT - Whut the mail ain't in the winter time
WINDOWS - Whut to shut when it's cold outside
SCREEN - Whut to shut when it's fly season
BYTE - Whut them dang flys do
CHIP - Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP - Whut's left in the munchie bag
MODEM - Whutcha did to the hay fields
LAP TOP - Whar the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD - Whar ya hang the dang keys
SOFTWARE - Them dang plastic forks and knifs
MOUSE - Varmints that eats the grain in the barn
MAIN FRAME - Holds up the barn ruf
PORT - Fancy Flatlander wine
ENTER - Northerner talk fer, C'mon in y'all
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY - When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer yer rifle when yore wife asks
MOUSE PAD - Hippie talk fer a rat hole

This is good stuff right here.

[hawkhawg]

Two aggies walk into a bar
The third one ducks

[SPAL]

I was answering dispatch for the College Station emergency Department about 2 pm on friday afternoon. I got a call and answered exactly how I had been trained....

"Emergency Service, this is Sir-pigs-a-lot, what is the nature of your emergency?"

"Man, this is jim Bob and me and old man jack was out  huntin some gooses down to old man fishers pond and old man jack grab his chess and jist now he drop his gun and he go down. He not moving an inch, I think he dead, What I do man?"


"well, it sounds as if your friend has had a heart attack and may have potentially died. I need you to first make sure he is dead, help is on the way.

suddenly, I heard 3 shots ring out over the phone, followed by Jim Bob asking..."what next?"

[SPAL]

I was out fishin with a couple of aggie friends of mine about a month ago and we weren't having much luck so I asked if it was time to pull up for lunch. they said, "yeah, thats a good idea."

So we got to shore and one of the aggies pulled out a long red tube like object. The other aggie asked.."man, what you got there"

"This here is what they call a termis."

"A Termis?" the other asked....

Yeah, a Termis....you see, its pretty cool. You put something Hot in it and it stays hot. You put something cold in it and it stays cold. Its one of the coolest inventions this decade."

"Ill be dipped" the other one said...."well, what you got in that thing anyway?" He asked.

"well, I have a cup of chicken Noodle soup and 2 popsicles."

[SPAL]

An aggies wife had phoned the newspaper and asked for the obituary department.

"Obits, this is sally, how may I help you?"

"yeah, I need to place one of them death ads."

"Ok, what would you like it to say?"

"Jim Bob's dead, funeral Sunday."

"That's terrible, what else woudl you like to say..."

"Thats it."

"Ma'am there is no charge, you can say as much as you like..."

A brief pause...

"Oh, ok, how bout...Bass boat for sale."

[SPAL]

An Aggie man was traveling down an old road just outside of College Station when a man flew by him driving a truck full of pigs going about 100 mph. He noticed that one of the pigs fell out of the truck as he turned a sharp corner so the aggie man stopped and picked the pig up, put it in his truck and chased after the other truck.

After about 10 miles of chasing, a cop pulled the aggie over and asked what he was doing driving so fast and with a pig in the truck..

The aggie recounted his story and the cop told him ..

"That truck is long gone, why dont you just take that pig to the zoo."

"Ok", the aggie said, "thats not a bad idea."

few days later, same cop pulled the same aggie over and said...

"i thought i told you to take that pig to the zoo./"

"Oh I did. we had so  much fun, I think we are going to disney world next week."

[Ftsmithmike]

So back on track here.

What's the difference between an Aggie and a Boy Scout?

Well since we have no takers Ill give the answer myself.

A Boy Scout knows how to build a Bon Fire.

[HogFanInBryant]

#10


Did you hear about the Cessna airplane that crashed in a cemetery in College Station?

Aggie search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and are still digging.


#9

Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics?

He was so proud of the award that he decided to get it bronzed.


#8

Did you hear about the Aggie who got locked out of his car?

He spent two hours trying to get his wife and kids out.


#7

Did you hear about the Aggie that broke his leg raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.


#6

Did you hear about the Aggie whose wife gave birth to twins?

He wanted to know who the other man was.


#5

I think it's a shame the way everyone picks on Aggies. After all it was an Aggie engineer that invented the toilet seat.

Of course a UT engineer stole the design and cut a hole in the middle ...


#4

Did you hear about the Aggie at the stop sign?

He's still there.


#3

Did you hear about the skeleton they found in a closet in one of the dorms at A&M?

It was the 1963 hide-and-go-seek champion!


#2

Why do Aggies hate M&Ms?

They're too hard to peel.


#1

Why can't Aggie farmers raise chickens?

They plant the eggs too deep.

[cardinalandwhite]

This just seems appropriate somehow.

http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts-stock/baaaaaa-means-nooooo/

[dcrback]

And my favorite...
Letter from an Aggie father to his son, "I would have sent you the money you requested, but I had already sealed the envelope".

[Albie]

Why do Ags wear button fly jeans? Sheep can hear a zipper from a 100 yards away.

[PositronHog]

 

Why do Ags wear button fly jeans? Sheep can hear a zipper from a 100 yards away.

[Piggage]

Did you hear about the Aggie engineers who were building a spaceship to the sun? A visiting Arkansan said, "Don't you know you would burn up before you got there?"

One of the Aggies said, "What do you think we are? Stupid? ... We would go at night."

[Quito]

Always funny when another school does this.  UA telling Aggie jokes is the same as Snooky calling out Tim Tebow for being a drunk embarrassment.

You here the one that has A&M ranking #58 in latest US News and World Reports rankings...UA was #123.

You hear the one about A&M having a larger endowement than the entire SEC combined, sans Vandy?  Additionally, Ags have double the endowment of Vandy? 

What about the one where A&M is an AAU member and only Florida and Vandy currently in the SEC are? 

I love Aggie jokes as much as the next guy...all Aggies do.  Just ironic that you guys are telling them.     

[n5xm]

You know what you get when you cross a Mafia Don with an Aggie?  I don't know either, but he'll make you an offer you can't understand...

[hog49]

This just seems appropriate somehow.

http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts-stock/baaaaaa-means-nooooo/

That is great!!  LOL!!

[hoghart]

Always funny when another school does this.  UA telling Aggie jokes is the same as Snooky calling out Tim Tebow for being a drunk embarrassment.

You here the one that has A&M ranking #58 in latest US News and World Reports rankings...UA was #123.

You hear the one about A&M having a larger endowement than the entire SEC combined, sans Vandy?  Additionally, Ags have double the endowment of Vandy? 

What about the one where A&M is an AAU member and only Florida and Vandy currently in the SEC are? 

I love Aggie jokes as much as the next guy...all Aggies do.  Just ironic that you guys are telling them.     

Lighten up Francis

[jeramyaupton]

Always funny when another school does this.  UA telling Aggie jokes is the same as Snooky calling out Tim Tebow for being a drunk embarrassment.

You here the one that has A&M ranking #58 in latest US News and World Reports rankings...UA was #123.

You hear the one about A&M having a larger endowement than the entire SEC combined, sans Vandy?  Additionally, Ags have double the endowment of Vandy? 

What about the one where A&M is an AAU member and only Florida and Vandy currently in the SEC are? 

I love Aggie jokes as much as the next guy...all Aggies do.  Just ironic that you guys are telling them.     

= Butthurt

[hog49]

Aggies don't know the difference between here and hear ;-)

[atekido]

How do Aggies practice safe sex?
They get rid of all the animals that kick.



What's the definition of mass confusion?
Father's day in College Station.

[cessna8667]

Why don't the aggies have ice water on the sidelines?

The guy with the recipe graduated.

[Brand X Hog Fan]

Lol Aggie jokes! It's the 70's all over again. Keep 'em coming!

[DeuceHawg]

Always funny when another school does this.  UA telling Aggie jokes is the same as Snooky calling out Tim Tebow for being a drunk embarrassment.

You here the one that has A&M ranking #58 in latest US News and World Reports rankings...UA was #123.

You hear the one about A&M having a larger endowement than the entire SEC combined, sans Vandy?  Additionally, Ags have double the endowment of Vandy? 

What about the one where A&M is an AAU member and only Florida and Vandy currently in the SEC are? 

I love Aggie jokes as much as the next guy...all Aggies do.  Just ironic that you guys are telling them.     

You only have male cheerleaders.

[Catfish John]

So it was the morning after daylight savings time went out and I saw this Aggie rubbing black shoe polish on his crotch, and I said "you idiot, you're supposed to turn your clock back."

[Verge]

When I was in 3rd grade i found a joke book in the school's library. I remember thinking (as a 3rd grader mind you) that they were the lamest, stupidest jokes i had ever heard.





































Until now. Congrats.

[Dcace83]

When I was in 3rd grade i found a joke book in the school's library. I remember thinking (as a 3rd grader mind you) that they were the lamest, stupidest jokes i had ever heard.

Until now. Congrats.

This must be really rough for you. Then what happened?

[HoggyCat]

What's really funny is......these work for stAte too!!!

[kimjongsqUeAl]

Always funny when another school does this.  UA telling Aggie jokes is the same as Snooky calling out Tim Tebow for being a drunk embarrassment.

You here the one that has A&M ranking #58 in latest US News and World Reports rankings...UA was #123.

You hear the one about A&M having a larger endowement than the entire SEC combined, sans Vandy?  Additionally, Ags have double the endowment of Vandy? 

What about the one where A&M is an AAU member and only Florida and Vandy currently in the SEC are? 

I love Aggie jokes as much as the next guy...all Aggies do.  Just ironic that you guys are telling them.     

Did you HEAR the one about the Aggie fan who was a closet fag?? Yeah, well HERE he is, ^^^right here^^^

[Albie]

Aggies don't know the difference between here and hear ;-)

Don't you love how other fans get on here trying to make disparaging remarks about Arkansans intelligence and don't even have a basic grasp of grammar.

[GolfnHog]

Always funny when another school does this.  UA telling Aggie jokes is the same as Snooky calling out Tim Tebow for being a drunk embarrassment.

You here the one that has A&M ranking #58 in latest US News and World Reports rankings...UA was #123.

You hear the one about A&M having a larger endowement than the entire SEC combined, sans Vandy?  Additionally, Ags have double the endowment of Vandy? 

What about the one where A&M is an AAU member and only Florida and Vandy currently in the SEC are? 

I love Aggie jokes as much as the next guy...all Aggies do.  Just ironic that you guys are telling them.     

see, just like an Aggie....We deal with our endowments as it relates to our women. You, not so much.

[HogShanks]

Don't you love how other fans get on here trying to make disparaging remarks about Arkansans intelligence and don't even have a basic grasp of grammar.

This. ourKANSAS Wildcat anyone? I wish we could merge this thread and the K-State payback one...

[Quito]

Always funny when another school does this.  UA telling Aggie jokes is the same as Snooky calling out Tim Tebow for being a drunk embarrassment.

You here hear the one that has A&M ranking #58 in latest US News and World Reports rankings...UA was #123.

You hear the one about A&M having a larger endowement endowment than the entire SEC combined, sans Vandy?  Additionally, Ags have double the endowment of Vandy?  I'm Ron Burgundy?
What about the one where A&M is an AAU member and only Florida and Vandy currently in the SEC are? This is just freaking terrible structure. 
I love Aggie jokes as much as the next guy...all Aggies do.  Just ironic that you guys are telling them.   

I find it ironic you had so many mistakes in your post about how it's "ironic" that we are making the Aggie jokes.

Good points...hence I was a Parks and Recreation major!  Just don't tell my Mom...she has taught Sr English for over 40 years.   

[Tusks]

QT you must be about 14 because the hogs have been telling aggie jokes since about 1940.  They have been on hiatus since the hogs joined the SEC.

Well guess what......a tradition like no other....returns to the halls of the UA campus.

I was just telling my kids about aggie jokes....I remember being in the big auditorium where you took astronomy and guy passing around a couple of aggie joke books during class.  "keep it down up there people".  That used to be a right of passage for attending the UA during aggie week.

One of the other fun things....we own the aggies in football and basketball.

[Wayne Watson]

You can tell when you're close to College Station...all the sheep are backed up to the fence.

[HogFanInBryant]

How do you get a one armed Aggie out of a tree?  Wave at him!

[Oklahawg]

Good points...hence I was a Parks and Recreation major!  Just don't tell my Mom...she has taught Sr English for over 40 years.   

And one of these days one of those Aggies will pass that rascal!

BTW, takes courage to show up in a thread like this. Enjoy your stay and try not to rattle many cages on your visit.

PS: not only am I a UA alum AND a taxpayer residing in OK, but I spent a year at UT working on a PhD. That was about as close to College Station as I could stand

[cardinalandwhite]

Aggies are special, special people.



Sadly, this is probably just a store that was closing, but it's still funny.

[Sir Oinksalot]

so, what the hell was A&M thinking...?

they are mediocre in the Big 12 and they think,
they are going to do anything in the SEC West...?

now THAT is funny...


Bubba and Couder were talking and Bubba say, "Couder, if we are going to amount to anything
we gots to get us some of that College", Couder says, oooKa...

So they loaded up the pick-up and rolled onto the campus of Texas A&M...

When they got there, Bubba jumped out and went in and got with his advisor...
His Advisor said "Bubba, you must take Math, English and Logic..."

Bubba said, what on earth is Logic...?  His advisor said "Bubba, let me explain it to you this way--
Now Bubba do you own a weed eater...?  Bubba said, Yeah...

The Professor said well now Bubba, if you own a weedeater chances are you have a yard you take care of,
and Logic says if you have a nice yard you must have a house...Logic would infer that if you have a nice yard
you take care of and a house, you must have a wife and Buibba said YES...!

Then, Logic would dictate you are heterosexual rather than homosexual...

Bubba was so elated he ran from the building and onto the street where Couder ran up to him and said,
"What did he say..."

Bubba told Couder he had to take math, and english and logic...Couder said what the heck is Logic?"

Bubba said Couder let me explain it to you this way, now, Couder, do you own a weed eater...?

Couder said, Naw...

Uh huh, Bubba said, you are a queer aint, ya...?

[plumbhog]

A Hog fan walks into a bar and asked the bartender if he wants to hear a good aggy joke.
The bartender says, see those 5 big ole boys sitting at the table behind you? They are all starting D-linemen for the current aggy football team. So now Mr Hogfan do you still want to tell your aggy joke?
The Hogfan looks back at their table and sees all 5 giving him the evil eye, he then looks back at the bartender and says, naw I guess not, I really dont want to have to explain it 5 times!

[cessna8667]

How much does it cost for an Aggie to get a haircut?

$4, $1 for each corner.



How many Aggies does it take to paint a house?

2,763.   1 to hold the brush, the rest to turn the house.

[Hootiethehog]

I've used this one before, but it's still one of my favorites:

I just heard that Texas A&M had to shut down their library. Seems someone stole the book.

[Inhogswetrust]

You only have male cheerleaders.

That is the biggest Aggie joke of all time.

[Fanofthegame]

So it was the morning after daylight savings time went out and I saw this Aggie rubbing black shoe polish on his crotch, and I said "you idiot, you're supposed to turn your clock back."

^^^Gotta go get something to clean my computer screen. That was great.

[JethroB.]

We might get it handed to us saturday..but..ef it, i'm still supporting the team and figure we might as well have a little fun at the #aggies' expense.

Did you hear the Texas A&M library burned down? The saddest part was that half the books weren't colored in yet.
The OU library burned down too. They lost their book.

Two Aggie football players were down in College Station partying. They were hootin' and hollerin' when a bartender
asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it
only took two months. "Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender. The Aggie replied, "Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years."

Q: Why do Aggie cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

Q: How do you get an Aggie cheerleader into your dorm room?
A: Grease her hips and push.

[GoHogs1091]

I am not trying to be mean to the Texas A&M Aggies (just good natured fun).

A Texas A&M Aggie went to the local city swimming pool, climbed the fence, went to the high diving board, climbed up, dove in and got out and said "I will be glad when it is Friday."  He went back to the high diving board, climbed up, dove in and got out and said "I will be glad when it is Friday."  Well at that time, another Texas A&M Aggie came up to the fence and asked him, "what do you mean you will be glad when it is Friday?"  The other Aggie answered "well Friday is when they fill up the pool."