Great Aggie Joke Thread

[RonBurgundy]

why do aggies have flat faces?

        they chase too many parked cars

[SEdrhawg]

I had a physics professor that was a UT grad.... he would walk in every morning and tell an aggie joke first thing.

[Piggage]

Q: How many Aggie freshmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Get real, that's a sophomore level course. 

[reddogjcss]

No bonfire; leave that one alone

[RonBurgundy]

how do you know if an Aggie has been using your computer?

      there's white-out all over the screen

[ChemEHawg]

No bonfire; leave that one alone

Amen - I was hoping we on hogville would leave those jokes alone of our own volition, but I'll second this

[AirAttack0823]

Why don't Texas A & M fans use 911 in an emergency?

Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.

[Coach Obvious]

My dad used to tell this one all the time:

Q: Do you know what an Aggie Martini is?

A: Pabst Blue Ribbon with a booger in it.

I think it's only funny to five year olds, though.

[ChemEHawg]

An Aggie was down on his luck so he decided to go out and kidnap a child to get the ransom. He went to the park and snuck up on one of the kids. He grabbed him and took him behind a tree. He told the kid that he was kidnapped and pinned a note on the kid's shirt that read:
"I have kidnapped your child. If you want to see him again, put $20,000 in a sack and leave it in front of the tree at the park. --- An Aggie."

He told the child to make sure his parents saw the note and sent the child home.

The next day the Aggie went to the tree to find a sack. He looked inside to find the money he had asked for and a note that read:

"How could one Aggie do this to another Aggie."

[Hawgon]

No bonfire; leave that one alone

Yeah, but really that is the biggest joke of all in a really sad and ridiculous way.  It really makes you understand how ridiculous Aggies are, when you consider that this INCREDIBLY dangerous activity of stacking full sized logs in the form of a giant wedding cake and lighting it on fire by students in various states of inebriation, was not only tolerated by the Texas A&M administration, but officially sanctioned and allowed on campus by the Texas A&M administration and the Aggie community at large.

Those kids weren't even the first ones who had been killed doing that.  Those of us with a little age to actually remember the Aggies and who live around them a little bit, can look at that sad situation and truly remark, "Only the Aggies".   

The jokes about Aggies being stupid, aren't just jokes.

[The Boar War]

Why are the Aggie band uniforms made of polyester? 

Because you can't find virgin wool within a hundred miles of College Station.

[PennHOG]

An Aggie was driving down to Houston one day when we he saw a sign that said "Houston Left". 

So he turned the car around and went back home.

[GO]

The Arkansas Razorbacks were just about ready to leave the field assuming aTm was going to forfeit the game when finally the aggies took the field 3 hours late. When the aggie coach was asked what had happened to delay them this long he said "Well we had to make a lot of stops along the way to Fayetteville, you see it seems like about every 40 to 50 miles we would see one of those dang signs telling us clean restrooms ahead, so we did"

[Hog Fan n Tx]

Garbage trucks were disappearing in Houston every day.  Finally found them in College Station being sold as Motor Homes.

[hogfanvsnebraska]

So I wonder if an aggie was a dancing gay cheerleader himself

[phoggy]

My favorite.  :razorback:

+1 wow

[Count De Money]

Aggie Sex Manual has only one page of instructions.  "In.  Out.  Repeat IF necessary."

[Hawgon]

Aggie Sex Manual has only one page of instructions.  "In.  Out.  Repeat IF necessary."

No, you're talking about the old manual.  They used that one for a few years but after it had been out awhile, Aggie researchers decided they needed to make some revisions.

So, they added another page with an anatomically correct drawing and put big bold letters that said, "THIS SIDE FRONT".

[Pike1347]

Only those who work at Papa Johns

Well played! 

[HognVA]

Anyone unfamiliar with Aggie jokes, here is some back ground:
http://www.rockdalereporter.com/news/2010-05-20/Columns/Whatever_happened_to_Aggie_jokes.html

[hogatouille]

Can we tell dirty aggie jokes?

[Hornkiller]

Two Aggies were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night trying to consummate their marriage. The man being inexperienced fumbled for hours until his wife cried "take that thing you play with and put it where I pee."

So he grabbed his bowling ball and stuck it in the sink.

[Hornkiller]

How can you tell when an Aggie sends you a fax?

It has a stamp on it.

[RazorCraft]

My grandpa told me this when I was just a little kid and I still remember it.

There was an Aggie football player that couldnt pass his math class.  Since he was failing his class, he would not be allowed to play in any more games.  The coach asked the player why he couldnt pass the test and he said he liked to perform under pressure and that it would help if he could take the test in the football stadium infront of a bunch of fans.  The coach talked the professor into giving him another chance to take the test and the professor agreed.

So the next day, 50,000 aggie football fans filed into the stadium to help cheer the star football player on.  He sat at the 50 yd line and opened the test up as everyone cheered his name.  The first test question read

1.  2 + 2 = 

The football player thought and thought and thought for what seemed like 10 minutes as the fans waited in silence.  He finally wrote down his answer..... 4

At that time, all 50,000  aggie fans yelled in unison " GIVE HIM ONE MORE CHANCE!!!!"

[hogatouille]

Arkansas, LSU, and ATM were all assigned to find out why the peener had a head.  Arkansas came back with the results and said "it's to give the female more pleasure".  LSU came back and said "it's to give the male more pleasure."  A while later ATM came back with the response "it's to keep your hand from slipping off and hitting you in the face." 

[Inhogswetrust]

Yeah, but really that is the biggest joke of all in a really sad and ridiculous way.  It really makes you understand how ridiculous Aggies are, when you consider that this INCREDIBLY dangerous activity of stacking full sized logs in the form of a giant wedding cake and lighting it on fire by students in various states of inebriation, was not only tolerated by the Texas A&M administration, but officially sanctioned and allowed on campus by the Texas A&M administration and the Aggie community at large.

Those kids weren't even the first ones who had been killed doing that.  Those of us with a little age to actually remember the Aggies and who live around them a little bit, can look at that sad situation and truly remark, "Only the Aggies".   

The jokes about Aggies being stupid, aren't just jokes.

I knew someone wouldn't leave it alone. TAMU is an excellent university. If you are a student or graduate from there you are NOT stupid. Only a truly stupid person would not know that. I would ban you if I could.

[Hornkiller]

Did you hear that Coach Mike Sherman is only dressing 10 players for the Aarkansas game.

The rest of the team will get dressed by themselves.

[Hawgon]

I knew someone wouldn't leave it alone. TAMU is an excellent university. If you are a student or graduate from there you are NOT stupid. Only a truly stupid person would not know that. I would ban you if I could.

You obviously, don't know enough of them.  They are the wierdest frickers in the world.  They aren't stupid, but they are idiots.

[Snoutman]

What do you get when you cross an Aggie with a Razorbac?........................Nothing there are some things even a hog won't do. :razorback:

[hogatouille]

I knew someone wouldn't leave it alone. TAMU is an excellent university. If you are a student or graduate from there you are NOT stupid. Only a truly stupid person would not know that. I would ban you if I could.

lol

[phadedhawg]

It's an oldie and it's rather simple but still my fav Aggie joke from when I was a kid...

How does an Aggie spell "farm"

"E-I-E-I-O"

[sutter_cain]

Q: How do you get a one armed Aggie out of a tree?

A: Wave at him.

I know, kinda lame.  But, it was hilarious when I was 7     

[Inhogswetrust]

lol

That's the biggest Aggie joke of all! NO girl cheerleaders!

[BERLY_HOGMAN]

What do you call an Aggie with two brain cells???

Pregnant...

[Ex-Trumpet]

.

[RebelliousHog]

2 Aggies decide that they are tired of not finding their car after every big game. So they decide to ride a camel to the game, thinking it'll be easy to find the camel in the parking lot. Unfortunately every Aggie had the same idea. After the game they were trying to find their camel. suddenly one started looking under the tail of every camel. His buddy asked him what the Hell he was doing.

The other Aggie replied, "When we were riding through town I heard someone yell, 'Hey! Look at those 2 a$$holes on the camel!' ".

[Hoggy1]

A longhorn goes into the nursery, comes out 15 minutes later and says "I couldn't find my baby".

An Aggie goes into the nursery, comes out 15 minutes later and says "I couldn't find my baby".

A Razorback goes into the nursery, comes out 5 minutes later with all three babies.  "It was easy, I just went in there and yelled WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PIG SOIEEEEEEEE, my baby jumped up, dunked his bottle.  The longhorn s*** himself and the Aggie played in it".

[dc10x1103]

why does san fran have more gays than texas has aggies?   san fran got 1st choice.

[cerdomen]

A sports writer went into the locker room after an TA&M game and notice on the bottom of there shoes the letters TGIF. The sports writer asked the coach does those letters TGIF stand for Thanks goodness it's Friday.

The coach's says no. It stands for Toes goes in first.

[Blue35]

I knew someone wouldn't leave it alone. TAMU is an excellent university. If you are a student or graduate from there you are NOT stupid. Only a truly stupid person would not know that. I would ban you if I could.

Get a grip and let up. Aggies are not our friends. In the many years that I have had to associate with those people both in the military and the engineering field, I have found them to be arrogant, condescending, hardheaded and downright mean-spirited. They look down their nose at people from Arkansas. They see us as incestuous uneducated hicks who sell trinkets and jelly on the road side. The petroleum engineers that I had to work with were the laughing stock of the industry, yet they thought very highly of themselves.  We simply had to work around them to get anything done

[chaz]

The sad thing is there aren't any eggie jokes.  All these tales are true. :razorback:

I can barely remember the series when we were in the SWC and the jokes have been long forgotten.  I do remember that they always surfaced around game day. What's your best aggie joke you remember?

[Hawgon]

Get a grip and let up. Aggies are not our friends. In the many years that I have had to associate with those people both in the military and the engineering field, I have found them to be arrogant, condescending, hardheaded and downright mean-spirited. They look down their nose at people from Arkansas.
They see us as incestuous uneducated hicks who sell trinkets and jelly on the
road side. The petroleum engineers that I had to work with were the laughing
stock of the industry, yet they thought very highly of themselves.  We simply
had to work around them to get anything done

A friend of mine who works for TEXDOT had an idiot Aggie tell him that his engineering degree wasn't a real degree because it wasn't from A&M.  It took my friend off guard when he realized the dork wasn't kidding.  The Aggie dork was one hundred percent serious.  Then, after all that the Aggie wanted to fight my friend when my friend wondered how all those engineers with "real" degrees were at building bonfires.

[SC Hogman]

Did you hear about the Aggie that got trapped on a escalator in a shopping mall when it stopped?

[jfb_is_god]

An aggie fan and a Hog fan are standing next to each other in a restroom in JerryWorld. The Hog fan finishes his business and starts to head out. The aggie fan called out "Don't they teach you to wash your hands up there in Fayetteville?"  The Hog fan replied, " Naw, they just teach us not to piss on our hands."

[BirmingHam]

How about the Aggie Olympian that got kicked out for bringing barbed wire to the fencing contests?

[TheRealShark]

Two I remember my dad telling me as a kid:

Did you hear about the Aggie that found a 5 pound booger?  His head caved in before he could get it in his mouth.

Did you hear about the Aggie that drowned while getting a drink of water?  Toilet seat hit him in the back of the head.

[hogninja]

How many Aggies does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, one to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

[FANONTHEHILL]

A pilot was offering free rides in his two seat bi-plane to Aggie students in College Station .  Unfortunately the plane crashed into a cemetary just off of campus.  At this time universtiy officials are reporting that they have recovered 372 bodies at the crash site.

[Ex-Trumpet]

Get a grip and let up. Aggies are not our friends. In the many years that I have had to associate with those people both in the military and the engineering field, I have found them to be arrogant, condescending, hardheaded and downright mean-spirited. They look down their nose at people from Arkansas. They see us as incestuous uneducated hicks who sell trinkets and jelly on the road side. The petroleum engineers that I had to work with were the laughing stock of the industry, yet they thought very highly of themselves.  We simply had to work around them to get anything done

We all have our perspectives of different institutions of higher learning; I think the country sees aTm as that of being petroleum jelly engineers...








And, maybe aTm's most famous yell leader, Rick Perry!!

[pigture perfect]

Guys let's have a moment of silence, this is so sad. Newspaper headlines from the College Station Herald this mornings headline says that an A&M Student has died from eating Mountain Oysters. The article says the bull dragged him to him death.