Seattlehog - Sometimes... What I Know Week 9

[vector4dz]

Sometimes ...  What I Know Week 9 2015



"Well that was interesting."
Bill Murray in "Stripes"


Sometimes good stuff happens.  It just does.  This is why we keep coming back.

Sort of like the rats in an experiment that get cocaine randomly about 1 out of 20 times when they press a bar.  They just keep pressing that bar. Even as they starve to death. Because they know SOMETIMES the good stuff comes out.

Or like the old ladies with buckets of nickels at the slot machine.  They keep pulling and pulling even though they are playing against a computer algorithm that says they will lose over the long haul. Because SOMETIMES they don't lose. SOMETIMES it all breaks their way.

What I'm saying is we like gambling and we like crack.  It is our nature.  We shouldn't fight it.  We should just keep pressing the bar.  Because when the good stuff comes it feels SOOOO good.

There is something great about beating Ole Miss, I'm not sure why.

Maybe because it's like looking in the mirror.  They are a middle of the SEC pack team too.  Their national championship glory days are more than 50 years past. They are eternally on the cusp of something bigger and better, only to get knocked back down.  They are our cousins that way.

I don't think it's that though.  I think it's mostly that Chad Kelly has an extremely punchable face. Like, REALLY REALLY punchable.  So punchable that if I had to choose between sucker punching him or Marshall Henderson I would actually have to pause and think for a second before wailing away on good ole Marshall.

Seriously, what is it with Ole Miss and punchable QBs?  We just got rid of Bo Wallace who had the title of "Most Punchable SEC Quarterback Since Stephen Garcia".

I kinda like Hugh Freeze but he has that folksy dyspeptic uncle look on his face all the time.  Seeing him look like he just threw up in his mouth was almost worth the Toledo loss.  Almost.

Being a sports fan is a weird thing. It just is.

It involves coming to grips with the parts of ourselves that are not logical, that make no sense regardless of how much we contemplate them.  We have to accept that we are cheering for a 4-4 team against a good but fatally flawed 2 loss club and we are cheering successes like we won the lottery and cursing failures like our children have been assaulted.

We have to accept that the random bounce of an oblong ball, a fraction of a second of mass and inertia and spin and wind and the friction created by the lean of the blades of grass - a stray confluence of physics that can be described but not predicted - will completely determine how we view the preceding 3 hours, the earlier 120 or so plays.  It all comes down to that perfect bounce up into Alex Collins' hands.

I try to play the optimist, or at least the realist, when I write these things.  I am not actually that way when I am watching games.  I am as nasty and feral as every other fan.  I just try to avoid the nastiness when it comes to actually typing something that I can't take back.

I cursed the defense and actually looked up Robb Smith's salary bump after last year. (And wondered aloud if we could budget for a sub-defensive coordinator that specializes in the spread.) I griped loudly at Brandon Allen, a senior quarterback having probably the best, most dialed-in performance of any Razorback QB in my lifetime, when he missed Hunter Henry in the flat and we gave the ball back to Ole Miss.

I can't help it.  If I want to give in to the illogical joy of winning I have to embrace the dark side as well.  This isn't "Star Wars" where we choose the Light OR the Dark.  They are as one - one doesn't exist without the other.

So I was embracing it.

I pretty much quit on the team a half-dozen times.  I begged Bret to go for 2 at the end of regulation because I had ZERO confidence going to OT.  But I still sat there.


------------


Ellis was wandering around throughout the second half, taking orders for her imaginary restaurant (and saying she was out of all the imaginary dishes I ordered but still delivering a check at the end of the fake non-meal).  She shattered a bobble-head doll of Frank Broyles on the floor, staring at the still quivering head on the floor.

"If it was plastic it wouldn't have broken" she said with unimpeachable logic. (Bobble-head Frank was perched on the exercise bike having a conversation with stuffed Dora and a couple of lady bugs Ellis was hauling around.  Disaster was inevitable.)

Ellis wanted to go outside and hunt for more lady bugs. "These ones aren't very crawl-ly anymore" she said.

"That's because they are dead" I answered.

"Yeah - like bobble-head Frank" she said.

"Can I just watch the rest of the game honey?" I asked.

"Sure" she said and paused.  "Because I know you like watching the razorbacks more than you like playing with me." She said this with a head bow and a lower lip push.

"You know that's not true E. I like those things the SAME." I said.

"You like me as much as the Razorbacks? Really!?" she perked up.

"You bet" I said as Dominique Reed caught a perfect TD pass to tie the game with a minute left. "Pretty much."  And I did a little dance that she found frightening.

"Then let's compromise" she said in her grown up voice.

"Compromise" is a word that I wish we had never taught Ellis.  She badly misunderstands the concept.  To her a compromise happens when I ask her to do something and she refuses and announces she will do something else (as opposed to just standing there and crying).

"I think the word you are looking for is 'appeasement'", my father always says to her.

So we compromised.  Ellis painted my fingernails while we watched the last plays of regulation and overtime.



And I screamed and cursed as we seemed to lose once and then twice.  I hopped up and smeared my manicure when that ball popped softly off the turf into Alex's hands and the field opened in front of him.

When Brandon dove in for the conversion I screamed "Hell Yeah! Hell Yeah!" about a dozen times while pumping my fist.

"You need to let your nails dry, Daddy" Ellis said.

What can I say? I'm just a rat in an elaborate experiment.  And I will keep pushing that bar, glad to get the rush once in a great while.  And Ellis will wander around the house and her school for the next 2 days going "Hell Yeah! Hell Yeah!".  And everything will be good.




On to What I Know - Week 9


I know it seems like Drew Morgan is our best receiver since Joe Adams and the guys from Warren were in town.

I know the dichotomy between spread teams and traditional teams is one of the best parts of College football right now.  It is fascinating to watch.

I know, or at least think, that it is impossible to build a traditional defense while building a spread offense.  Maybe it's because of philosophy or because of the athletes that get targeted in recruiting or because practice time is limited and defenses will be shaped by what they face in practice - but spread teams get mowed over by power offenses and power defenses get destroyed by the spread.

I know Nick Saban and Kirby Smart are as smart as they come as defensive minds.  If you line up and try to slug with Bama you will lose.  Their athletes and scheme are too solid.

I know Robb Smith is cut from that same cloth.

But I know, or think, that the approach of Smart and Smith against spreads is simply wrong headed.  These guys want to prepare for every possibility, scheme their guys to the right places to contain everything, cover all contingencies.  But you can't do that against the spread because the routes and plays all depend on the reaction of the defense, they change in real time.  You go there then I go here.

I know the approach against the spread needs to we ball's out, wild aggression. Take every chance.  Attack quickly and decisively and accept you will get burned a lot.  But against those teams it doesn't matter.  All you need is a couple of stops, sacks and/or a turnover and you have them. Because their defenses just aren't built to stop people that don't take chances.

I know none of that applies to Ohio State.

I know while getting my manicure from Ellis she asked me to paint her face with the nail polish and we had the following conversation:

ME: That sounds like a very bad idea, but I'm not sure why.

ELLIS: C'mon Daddy

ME: Ok sure

I know about 3 hours later we had gone through a bottle of Acetone, many tears, and a Silkwood shower.  Ellis stilled looked like a neon kitty and my mom was saying "Jesus Christ Jay you are 47 years old! How do you NOT know that fingernail polish on a 5 year old's face is a bad idea!"

"It was her fault" I said and pointed at my teary-eyed kid.

I know I'm getting tired of being the last decent game A&M plays every year.  My gawd that team is a train wreck.  When do we get to see the Aggie juggernaut that has been predicted year after year?

I know Texas Tech was down 5 to West Virginia with 5 minutes left and just needed one stop to get the ball back with a chance to win.

I know WEST freaking VIRGINIA proceeded to run the ball down their throat for 5 minutes until time expired with the ball on the 1 yard line.

I know Kliff Kingsbury shouldn't abandon his philosophy but maybe he could listen to what other coaches are saying at conferences instead of getting mad that his poor daddy's feelings got hurt.

I know I don't like Kliff Kingsbury and I am pretty comfortable with that as a position.

I know we went to the basketball team's exhibition game on Thursday.  It was raining.  Ellis decided to wear goggles so she could "see in the rain".

I know I don't even argue about stuff like that anymore.



I know tackling high level D-1 athletes is hard.  But c'mon! Please! My 70 year old mom called our defense wussies in the second half.

I know Leonard Fournette is gonna be MAD and that probably isn't such a good thing.

I know I can't wait until we beat LSU and I can seriously start griping about the Toledo and Texas Tech games.

(Pics are on the blog)

Until Next Time

Seattle

Twitter: @seattlehog
http://seattlehog.org/

[wupigsuey]

I know I don't like Kliff Kingsbury and I am pretty comfortable with that as a position.

On the same page we are.

good stuff +1

[OS2 (SW) Razor Back]

Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.

Go Hogs!!!!!! Beat LSU!!!! :razorback: :razorback: :razorback: :razorback: :razorback: :razorback:

[Hog N Bama]

I know Hugh Freeze had that "We are in trouble" look on his face at the end of the first quarter, but the classic " I just threw up in my mouth" look after Allen scored the 2 pt conversion. 

[elksnort]

The board ought to be shut down. There is nothing left to say.

Good stuff

Thank you

JME

[MontanaHog]

My wife laughed out loud at the "You like me as much as the Razorbacks? Really!?" line. I think a lot of our loved ones share that sentiment.

[cowboy_hawg]

Seattlehog,

When I read your posts I always have a good laugh.  The way you tell a story and the descriptions you give allow me to "see" you and your daughter.  I get tickled, I guess because my girl and I have had some very similar situations happen in our lives.

Go HOGS Go!!!!

[ErieHog]

Aggression is exactly the wrong approach to take against a spread team, especially if you run a very traditional offense.   It puts far too much pressure on your offense to be perfect-- and they often won't be.

[SoCal Hog]

Seattlehog, I look forward to your post every week during the season. Wish you would do more during the off season. Having two daughters myself, who are now adults, I can relate to a lot of the stories you tell about your daughter.  :razorback:

[PonderinHog]

What I know.  This thread should be stickied so I can find it easier.

[Biggus Piggus]

I am reconsidering my opinion of Seattle after he put nail polish on his daughter's face. That's awful.

[vector4dz]

I am reconsidering my opinion of Seattle after he put nail polish on his daughter's face. That's awful.

I continue to maintain it was the child's fault.  She KNOWS I am an idiot.  (I will stick to this story if DHS comes by)

[BadHog]

Great post. I hope the nail polish was cardinal red!

[JIMMY BOARFFETT]

Seattle Hog,

Could you work with Robert Shields or just give him some tips? Ah, never mind.

[Biggus Piggus]

I continue to maintain it was the child's fault.  She KNOWS I am an idiot.  (I will stick to this story if DHS comes by)

The rule is - if she gets her way and it goes wrong, it's the parent's fault. That is the way it always works for me anyway.