Seems to be getting tougher

[H&D]

Well tonight I sat down and watched Blackhawk Down, I don't think I'll ever be able to watch it again after tonight. It was before my time in service, we studied the raid before deploying to Iraq. Knowing the real details made it really tough to watch.

I didn't watch American Sniper because the trailers made me anxious.

Hell it's too the point that I can't even watch the homecoming videos on YouTube without nearly breaking down.

Does anyone else have this reaction to the simplest of things?

[Ragnar Hogbrok]

Yes.  I tried to watch Blackhawk Down once after my first deployment to OIF I.  Made it through the first RPG strike and not a minute more. I haven't even tried to watch American Sniper.

I have become much more emotional at times than I ever used to be. It's strange.  I'll have days where I want to kill everyone that crosses me and days where love for my fellow man pours from my heart. Days I'm angry at everything and days I'm very relaxed. The older I become and further away I get from the traumatic experiences of my deployments the more emotions I feel.

I'm better than I used to be, but not as well off as I want to be.

[Großer Kriegschwein]

I have anxiety issues but doesn't manifest with movies. Real explosions like the EOD shoots they do here on Polk scare the darn out of me. Just for some reason movies don't have any effect on me except for extreme empathy.

Yes. I consider myself lucky.

[LSUFan]

Damn, I thought I was the only one that felt the way Chief does.

[Ragnar Hogbrok]

I have anxiety issues but doesn't manifest with movies. Real explosions like the EOD shoots they do here on Polk scare the darn out of me. Just for some reason movies don't have any effect on me except for extreme empathy.

Yes. I consider myself lucky.

I'm just the opposite.  When things go "boom" I get an adrenaline rush and feel more alive than I ever have felt.  It's why I miss combat. It's the stupid movies and stories where my body and mind can't react appropriately.  It's so hard to describe, but, it's there.

It's hard to say this, but I truly have never felt more alive than I do when I hear gunshots, bullets whizzing by, and explosions.  Since I became an aviator in 06, I have to temper my adrenaline while conducting CCAs so as to control the aircraft, employ weapons effectively, communicate with the ground pounders, and avoid fratricide.  But sometimes I just want to land, grab my M4, and start fighting with the guys on the ground.

My mind knows that's stupid, but my heart and my impetuous spirit wants to lay waste to the enemy in a more personal fashion.  But, I'll stick with 30mm, 2.75 in rockets, and Hellfires.  They're more effective and if I can help the ground pounders get out of a sticky situation, then I'll lay my head down at night and sleep like a baby.

I don't enjoy killing people, but I'm ok with it.  I used to enjoy it, but that wasn't healthy for me.  It was a defense mechanism.  Fifty-two men (confirmed) have died by my hand.  The real number is probably closer to 250.  I think constantly about the countless generations of people who will now never exists because of me.  I think about the families I've affected forevermore.  I don't regret it or hesitate to do it, but it is an awesome (not in the cool sense, but in the full of awe sense) weight to carry knowing that you have done that.

I didn't mean to get deep into this, but, here I am.  I'm sure some of you can understand.

[LSUFan]

I never shot a bastard that didn't deserve it.

[Old Tusk]

Craig, since I retired, I have worked with several veteran groups. You present the very clasic example of an adrenaline junkie. When adrenaline junkies crash they crash hard. This is a drug addiction with the only difference being you produce the drug. Be careful and look for help.

[Ragnar Hogbrok]

Craig, since I retired, I have worked with several veteran groups. You present the very clasic example of an adrenaline junkie. When adrenaline junkies crash they crash hard. This is a drug addiction with the only difference being you produce the drug. Be careful and look for help.

I do most of my therapy in the gym. I have been able to get that rush through working out. I don't do anything for a rush that is associated with risk. I don't speed, I wear my seat belt, I don't drink alcohol or use drugs.  I don't perform anything that would be considered an extreme sport. ,  My lord and savior Jesus Christ keeps me firmly planted in the realm of reality.

But I promise you I will seek help if I start looking for a rush in an unhealthy way.  Thanks for your concern, brother.

[Old Tusk]

I think the fact are willing to talk about issues is a great help. Back in the day, you couldn't admit to issues because they would label you as crazy.but the suicide rate for active and veterans is out of control. Craig, be safe.

[Squealers]

It is really strange with my situation....I can not watch any type of horror movie, or a violent non-military type of film.  If I do, I pay for it with horrible night terrors.  Well, my wife pays for it as I most often do not recall them.   Just know they are physical and vocal.

But I can watch battle films, and just watch American Sniper this past week....no issues.  Who knows what triggers we developed or harbor, and who really knows how we are wired after military service, especially when there has been mental trauma. 

Keep fighting the good fight men, and thanks for your dedicated service.

[southarkhog06]

Its POW movies for me, I havent seen American Sniper yet.

[SA Hog Fan]

I watched "The Fighting Season" with my wife. Found that about 10 min into the show I just starting talking about my experience compared to what was going on in the show. I had never really talked about it with my wife. I found it to be really therapeutic.

[H&D]

The only people I've ever really talked to where guys I was there with or my dad and brother, both veterans. I've got a buddy at work I talk to about things, we did a similar job over there.

There's no way my wife could handle much of a conversation about my deployments.

[southarkhog06]

I watched "The Fighting Season" with my wife. Found that about 10 min into the show I just starting talking about my experience compared to what was going on in the show. I had never really talked about it with my wife. I found it to be really therapeutic.

I can talk about parts of it with my wife but others, I dont want her to know details of how terrible humans can be to each other.

[hilljack]

When my wife and I went to see American Sniper, she noticed that I got really stressed during the CAS scenes.  So far, that's the only movie that's had an effect on me.  After hearing reactions from some of my bros, I'm afraid to watch Lone Survivor. 

[LSUFan]

I can talk about parts of it with my wife but others, I dont want her to know details of how terrible humans can be to each other.

This is what the libs don't get.

[Großer Kriegschwein]

The only people I've ever really talked to where guys I was there with or my dad and brother, both veterans. I've got a buddy at work I talk to about things, we did a similar job over there.

There's no way my wife could handle much of a conversation about my deployments.

My ol lady was the opposite... we had problems because I didn't give her an opportunity to understand, whether or not she could. Talked enough about it to where she gets it. Left out the gory details. She realizes that I did leave some stuff out, but was able to paint an accurate picture of the environment. Have had a few members of my platoon die since we've returned and she knows that was devastating.

At the end of the day, she's a woman that just wants to know that if all hell breaks loose I will be able to protect our children and our home. I have left no doubt.

[H&D]

My ol lady was the opposite... we had problems because I didn't give her an opportunity to understand, whether or not she could. Talked enough about it to where she gets it. Left out the gory details. She realizes that I did leave some stuff out, but was able to paint an accurate picture of the environment. Have had a few members of my platoon die since we've returned and she knows that was devastating.

At the end of the day, she's a woman that just wants to know that if all hell breaks loose I will be able to protect our children and our home. I have left no doubt.

My wife asked about my day once, she could sense I'd had a rough day. After telling her the basics of kicking a door in because a guy shot his wife with a 12ga slug and sucked one out of the tube himself....... the look on her face told me that we were no longer going to talk about my days.

Now when I get home and she ask, the answers are "good" or "not great." Not great means that she distracts our daughter long enough for me to take a shower and decompress for a few minutes.