Texas joke

[RBLtoHOG]

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Arkansas jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Razorback fan and I would like this for Christmas". His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother". Off goes the little lad with the Arkansas jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an Arkansas fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks
him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Arkansas Jersey in hand and  finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an Arkansas fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The father is outraged and prmptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have." "Good son, what is it?" To which the son replies, "I've only been a Arkansas fan for an hour and I already hate you Texas bastards."

[Inigo Montoya]

 

funny

[junkyardhog]

That's funny as hell. I'm always in the mood for a texass joke.

[Mike_P]

What does the state of texas and a 100 year old womens [CENSORED] have in common?
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Everyone knows they're down there but nobody really gives a damn!!!

[junkyardhog]

This needs to be moved to the tavern now.

[The_Bionic_Pig]

An Arkansas student and an UT student have a head-on collision in Texarkana, Arkansas. Miraculously, neither is hurt. They climb out of their respective vehicles, survey the devastation of the BMW and the Ford Ranger (you can readily guess to whom each vehicle belongs) and trade information. Upon hearing the other driver is an UT student, the Hawg fan says, "I believe this wreck is signifying that we need to put aside our differences and become friends It could signal a renewed respect for each institution by countless future generations of students." The Texan agrees, and the Hawg fan looks into his car. "Well, what do ya know! Here's a full bottle of Jack Daniel's that isn't broken at all. I think we should each drink to our newfound friendship. Let us be the first to celebrate the detente between our two glorious institutions of higher learning. In fact, I'll let you have the first rink." The Texan is surprised, but quickly agrees and swallows several large gulps. He then offers the bottle to the Hawg fan, who says, "No thanks. I'll just wait for the cops to arrive."

An UT grad is driving home from work when his cell phone rings. He answers and his wife says "honey just wanted to warn you and let you know that I am watching the news and some idiot is driving on the wrong side of the interstate." The UT grad then replied " honey I am already on my way home, but your wrong it is not one idiot but hundreds of them."

An AR fan and a UT fan were both in the Cotton Bowl restroom...after getting through w/ their business...the UT fan washed his hands and the AR fan didnt. the UT fan couldn't help but notice and said....yea over in Texas...they teach us to wash our hands....the AR fan said...yea well in Arkansas...they teach us not to pee on our hands....and with that, he walked out.

Two boys are playing football at this park in a West Memphis, Arkansas when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend.
A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Arkansas Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'".
"But I'm not a Razorback fan", the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we're in West Memphis, Arkansas I just assumed you were", says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'Arkansas State Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"
"I'm not an ASU fan either", the boy says.
"Oh, I thought everyone in NEArkansas was either for the Razorback or the Indian. What team do you root for?", the reporter asks.
"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm a Miss. ST. Vols fan", the boy replies. "They're just the best!" The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Bulldog From Mississippi Kills Beloved Family Pet".


Stewie - I can do this all day 

[SultanofSwine]

Then don't stop now.

[OkieHog]

How do you give a Texan a funeral?Give him an enema and bury him in a shoebox.

[John Futrall]

What to UT grads do with their diplomas upon graduation?

Tape them to the front window of their cars so they can park in handicap zones




(Tenn)-->Why to Tennessee fans wear orange every day?

So they can go to the game on Saturday, go huntin on Sunday, and spend the rest of the week picking up trash on the side of the highway.

[Sbrokeski]

As a proud Texan I find the first joke pretty funny since I guess I've never heard it and the others just rip offs.  Oldies but goodies.  Glad I can laugh along at the t.u. jokes.  Save yourself if your thinking about running out all the old Aggie jokes.  Slacker has taken care of that in a previous post.  I swear when I go back to Texas this weekend to visit they aren't goin' believe ya'll know how to read, much less have the internet.  I guess its not that far-fetched.....Clinton is good friends with Al Gore after all.   
To the Tavern!

[junkyardhog]

I had a business associate up this week. He had a M.A. from A&M and his Doctorate from UT. Was a professor at A&M for 7 years.  He is a professor turned software developer.  Most professors aren't sports fans, but he certainly was. He got a good ribbing at lunch   He took it in good strides though.  The man drove all the way from Austin and the evening we put him up in a hotel, he drove 38 miles on his bicycle. He told me he was riding 78 the next day.  BTW- He is probably in his mid 50's.

I'm impressed by a 50 year old's stamina. I also work with a couple of Texas phd's. One from UT and another from TCU.  I've got to be diplomatic when I tease them    But, if you know me a little, you know I just can't resist every now and then

[Sbrokeski]

I think I've gotten the feel of a couple Hogville posters and you are one of them JYH.  I mean that in a totally heterosexual way. 
Good story, sounds like an awesome guy.  Glad to hear more people and/or Aggies can laugh at themselves.

[junkyardhog]

BTW- He is trying to convince his daughter to go to Yale not UT.