A Spoof by way of introduction

[cinghiale06]

Life long fan, Lifer at the UofA. Go Hogs!

Recruiting is a 'Beach"
(Fayetteville)
In joint announcement today by Athletic Director Frank Broyles and Head Football Coach Houston Nutt, it became obvious that the University of Arkansas is soon to be a serious force in recruiting top quality football prospects. Weary of losing prospects to Florida schools and losing games at the hands of Florida blue-chippers, Broyles and Nutt have devised what they assure their loyal fans will be the failsafe recruiting tool for the ages; coastlines. Arkansas, a landlocked state of approximately 52,000 square miles, with 600,000 acres of lakes and nearly 10,000 miles of streams and rivers, lies, from its southernmost border, 400 miles, much of it over secondary roads, from the nearest popular beach. "It's a no-brainer," said Broyles, "Those of us who have traveled the world love the small-town atmosphere of Fayetteville, but our recruits like South Beach and Panama City. The new East and West Beaches of 'The Natural State' are sure to win them over." Asked who devised the original idea Nutt answered, "Gosh, in a recent meeting we had with the Chancellor, Dr. White opined as to how tired he was of commuting to his other house in Hilton Head and Coach Broyles just kind of slipped in that he wouldn't have to for much longer. At that point Coach spelled out his idea. He had obviously been thinking of it for some time." Amazingly, given past high-profile disagreements between the two, White seemed to have backed Broyles idea from the moment he heard it.
   Work will begin immediately on the project even without all the necessary private funding in place, much as occurred in the renovation and enlargement of Don W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium. "Logistically we have a few issues to resolve," said Broyles. "We expect the mountainous western border of the state will result in a more California-like coastline. At first we were concerned about this but Coach Nutt reminded me that we are interested in attracting West Coast prospects as well and this might keep us from having to sign home and home deals with Pac 10 powerhouses for exposure." Broyles indicated that forming the eastern shore is easy and comes with, in his words, "a bonus. Our engineering school has devised a means to flood all of Mississippi and Eastern Tennessee save for Memphis (where the U. of A. has traditionally recruited well). In the near future when you stand in the Delta, you will see nothing to the east except the rising sun, seagulls, charter boats, and tides, none of them Crimson."
   Nutt added that the beaches themselves will be, "special". In a parallel to many collegiate athletic programs' fickleness, seemingly choosing every few years to replace natural turf with the newest artificial playing surfaces or vice versa, usually for 'recruiting purposes', the two coasts will initially be comprised of the latest artificial sand product. "This is better than real sand because it will not stick to you or blow in your face. Heck, we took some down to the locker room and our entire kicking team tried to kick some in the equipment manager's face but it never went high or far enough. And it is whiter than the sand at Destin. This really gives us the edge we need."
   The mention of Destin spurred Broyles into yet more positive takes, the possibility of holding the yearly Southeastern Athletic Conference meeting on, "our turf, be it artificial, for once. We have already booked the "Girls Gone Wild" crew for a new movie. They are going to call it 'Delta Dawn'.
Anyway you look at it this is the right move for the State. It will spawn all sorts of other industries which will benefit our citizens. The Delta will finally have an alternative to farming and the West, well it just going to be beautiful, I mean just beautiful."

[Broken Trigger]

Welcome. 

[Hoglicious21]

Welcome to Hogville :razorback:

[Thunderhog Jr]

 :razorback:

Welcome to Hogville.......

:razorback:

[PigPusher]

Welcome indeed.

[BigPapaHawg]

Welcome to Hogville!

WPS!    :razorback:

[Tomhog™]

Welcome to Hogville!

[Candon Bolinger]

Welcome to Hogville
Welcome to Hogville
Welcome to Hogville
Welcome to Hogville

[Big Daddy Hog Nuts]

Nice post, welcome