Baseball quotes

[SPAL]

post your favorite or funniest baseball quote.


I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-0 count on the batter a rally.
- Rich Donnelly, minor league manager

"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry Mom, but nobody beats me."- Leo Durocher

[LVW]

When I was a kid I wanted to join the circus or play major league baseball, with the Yankees I got to do both- Graig Nettles

While playing 3rd for the Dodgers, in reply to what went thru his mind on every pitch:  Don't hit it to me and don't hit it to Sax- Pedro Guerrero

In response to being asked why attendance was down in San Diego: I don't know maybe a fat lady got caught in the turnstiles-Bruce Benedict

Response to being told to have the label facing you when you bat:  I ain't up here to read but to hit- Hank Aaron

[BradyHolzhauer]

"It's like de ja vu all over again." 
---Yogi Berra

[LVW]

not a Dodgers or cardinals fan but how can anyone not like these 2:

after kirk gibson's famous WS HR- I don't believe what I just saw- Jack Buck

after Ozzie's LCS HR- Go crazy folks- Jack Buck

[selfexplanatory]

Anything from Jerry Coleman - Padres playbyplay guy

[BradyHolzhauer]

not a Dodgers or cardinals fan but how can anyone not like these 2:

after kirk gibson's famous WS HR- I don't believe what I just saw- Jack Buck

after Ozzie's LCS HR- Go crazy folks- Jack Buck

Jack Buck > Rest of baseball announcers in history.
Although HC is a close second.

[LVW]

Jack Buck > Rest of baseball announcers in history.
Although HC is a close second.

I'd put Curt Gowdy ahead of HC.........speaking of HC- his son Skip had one of the funniest comments ever:

It was the weekend after 9/11, versus the Mets; in the 7th inning Caminiti left the game for a pinch runner and Liza Minelli sang God Bless America during the 7th inning stretch; when the Braves took the field for the bottom of the 7th, she and Wes Helms were having a conversation in the area of the 3rd base bag and Skip said:

Taking over at 3rd for the Braves will be either Wes Helms or Liza Minelli.

[selfexplanatory]

I know this thread is about quotes, but you guys are leaving out the man, the myth, and the legend, Vin Scully.  He calls the playbyplay and the color.  Scully is the man. 

[gutshot]

"There is one word in America that says it all, and that one word is, 'You never know.'" -- Joaquin Andujar



"I led the league in "Go get 'em next time."  --Bob Uecker



"I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it."  --Rogers Hornsby

[BradyHolzhauer]

"I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it."  --Rogers Hornsby

My new favorite quote, thanks for sharing, Gutshot! +1

[gutshot]

speaking of HC- his son Skip had one of the funniest comments ever:

It was the weekend after 9/11, versus the Mets; in the 7th inning Caminiti left the game for a pinch runner and Liza Minelli sang God Bless America during the 7th inning stretch; when the Braves took the field for the bottom of the 7th, she and Wes Helms were having a conversation in the area of the 3rd base bag and Skip said:

Taking over at 3rd for the Braves will be either Wes Helms or Liza Minelli.

Man, I'm going to miss hearing him. 

[Hogtropolis™]

Jack Buck > Rest of baseball announcers in history.
Although HC is a close second.

Speaking of Harry Carry,  I always liked this one.

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series?  No cubs.  ~Harry Caray

[LVW]

Speaking of Harry Carry,  I always liked this one.

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series?  No cubs.  ~Harry Caray

also by harry caray-- Galaraga spelled backwards is Agaralag

[Hogtropolis™]

also by harry caray-- Galaraga spelled backwards is Agaralag

I actaually remember watching that game.  Or at least have seen a clip of that before.  I can't really remember now.  But I laughed for a while after hearing it.

[gutshot]

"The bases are loaded, and I wish I was."  --Skip Caray

[bao187]

I hated to bat against Drysdale. After he hit you he'd come around, look at the bruise on your arm and say, 'Do you want me to sign it?-Mickey Mantle

You don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth. -Mickey Mantle

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.-Hank Aaron

If he raced his pregnant wife he'd finish third. (on catcher Mide Scioscia)-Tommy Lasorda

Aw, how could Jorge Orta lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico.- Harry Caray

[STLRazorback]

With those who don't give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace. But while the game is on, I can't think of anything to say to them. ~Art Hill

[SPAL]

The great Yogi Berra had some classics...some about baseball, others about life...

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

"He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious."

"I never said most of the things I said."




and the most legendary berra quote of all time....
"It ain't over till it's over."

[gettinpiggywithit]

Yogi is probably one of the most quotable baseball players of all time.  Here are some of my faves from him:
"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

[Pigonometry]

Baseball is simlpe but never easy.

                   ---- Roger Angel, sportswriter

[clifflee4mvp]

"I got this figured out, Pee Wee--He kisses her on the strikes, she kisses him on the balls.." -Dizzy Dean

[clifflee4mvp]

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base." -Dave Barry

[CORZRBACKFAN]

"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." -Rogers Hornsby

This one really rings true for me as I look out at Coors Field on this snowy day in the Mile High City. Under 30 days now, folks!

[Cosby]

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base." -Dave Barry

That's quality right there.

[Oklahawg]

How many times did Harry Carry make this call: "Popped up behind short, Dunston back, carrying well, at the fence, Home Run!"

[Oklahawg]

An all-time favorite:

"There are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary. And -- there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work otu between us...The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphsics to theology. You see, there is no guilt in baseball...and it's never boring.

Which makes it like sex."

--Annie Savoy's Soliloquy from "Bull Durham"

[Oklahawg]

Or:

"Any baseball is beautiful. No other small package comes as close to the ideal in design and utility. It is a perfect object for a man's hand. Pic it up and it instanly suggetss its purpose." -- Roger Angell, "On the Ball"

Or:

"Strikeouts, from my perspective, are boring things. Nothing happens. They are sascist weapons. I prefer the ground-ball out and view it as the perfect symbol of democracy. It allows everybody a chance to get into the game." -- Bill Lee, "The Wrong Stuff"

[SPAL]

How many times did Harry Carry make this call: "Popped up behind short, Dunston back, carrying well, at the fence, Home Run!"

I literally laughed out loud....

i remember HC calling a game against the reds i believe and a pop was hit to chris sabo at 3rd and HC said, "this one should be easy, hes never dropped one of these in his life..(sabo missed it), oh he dropped it".....all in one breath.

[LVW]

I literally laughed out loud....

i remember HC calling a game against the reds i believe and a pop was hit to chris sabo at 3rd and HC said, "this one should be easy, hes never dropped one of these in his life..(sabo missed it), oh he dropped it.....all in one breath.

you got it all wrong- AROD was in the stands that year and hollered at sabo.  haha

[stronguard]

"Ahhhh, Hay-Soos.  I like him very much.  But he no help me hit curveball."
"Are you trying to say that Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball!!"

I alos like that Church at Rock Creek commercial on the radio a few years back.

A reporter asked a 70 year old Ty Cobb what he though he could hit if he had been playing in the present day major leagues.  TC answered, "oh, I don't know, say .290, maybe .300"  the reporter assumed that this was because of night games, more travel, and specialized pitching.  TC said "no, its because I'm 70."

[Milton]

"Al deck is in the on Dark circle"-Earl Gillespie

[DizzyHawgFan]

"With a score of 6 0, two outs, two strikes, nobody on, only an average
batter at the plate, it is still possible, and sometimes necessary, to
believe something can still happen   for the simple reason that it has
happened before, and very probably will again. And when it does, won't
that be the day."         William Saroyan 1956

[IndyHog76]

Andy Van Slyke - my favorite ballplayer of all time - had some great quotes (not all necessarily baseball related).

www.baseball-almanac.com/quotes/quovans.shtml

It doesn't have a couple of his better ones listed, but there was one where talked about how he had such a bad game that "he couldn't have driven Miss Daisy home today" and one describing his 3B skills while in the minors "called him the Teflon glove because it was a no-stick surface".

[Milton]

 Baseball
"I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player."
-John Kruk

"Like they say, it ain't over till the fat guy swings."
-Phillies catcher Darren Daulton on stocky first baseman John Kruk.

"I'm rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?"
-Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players' union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike.

"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf."
-Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf

"I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, 'Dave Wehrmeister's got 11 letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?'"
-Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner

"Raise the urinals."
-Darrel Chaney on how management could keep the Braves on their toes

"The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play."
-Reggie Jackson

[Pigdiana Jones]

"Ahhhh, Hay-Soos.  I like him very much.  But he no help me hit curveball."
"Are you trying to say that Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball!!"

I alos like that Church at Rock Creek commercial on the radio a few years back.

A reporter asked a 70 year old Ty Cobb what he though he could hit if he had been playing in the present day major leagues.  TC answered, "oh, I don't know, say .290, maybe .300"  the reporter assumed that this was because of night games, more travel, and specialized pitching.  TC said "no, its because I'm 70."

LOL

[LVW]

Dizzy Dean- He's so fast he could hit a line drive to center and get hit by the ball sliding into 2nd.

Dizzy Dean(in dialogue form);
    Lady in stands: If I were your wife I'd give you poison
    Dizzy Dean: If I were your husband I'd take it.

Satchell Paige- Don't look back- someone might be gaining on you.

[Oliver]

"I'm happy with our current outfielders and bullpen."  - Omar Minaya (July 31st, 2008)

[Oklahawg]

"I'm happy with our current outfielders and bullpen."  - Omar Minaya (July 31st, 2008)

Kiss...Of...Death.

[Oliver]

Kiss...Of...Death.

If we're talking about his job security, I can only hope.

[bdubhog]

this poem is one i'll always remember:

JACK BUCK SOOTHES A GRIEVING NATION On September 17, 2001, the Cardinals played their first game after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Two things stand out about Jack Buck's participation in the pregame memorial service: his delivery, clear, resolute and familiar, voice cracking with emotion; and his words, a 164-word poem he had written himself.  It was Buck's last public appearance in the stadium he called home.


Since this nation was founded under God, more than 200 years ago,

We've been the bastion of Freedom...

The light which keeps the free world aglow.

We do not covet the possesions of Others, we are blessed with the bounty we share.

We have rushed to help other Nations...anything...anytime... anywhere.

War is just not our nature... we won't start, but we will end the fight.

If we are involved we shall be resolved to protect what we know is right.

We've been challenged by a cowardly foe who strikes and then hides from our view.

With one voice we say there's no choice today, there is only one thing to do.

Everyone is saying the same thing and praying that we end these senseless moments we are living.

As our fathers did before, we shall win this unwanted war.

And our children will enjoy the future, we'll be giving.

[gutshot]

I'm seeing lots of Skip Caray one liners since his passing a couple of days ago.  Some have nothing to do with baseball, but:

--"Nobody on and Nobody out as we come to the bottom of ANOTHER 5th."


--(To is broadcast partner who was set to head out on an upcoming road trip)  "When you get to Washington, say hello to my money for me."


--(As an attractive lady walked by just below the broadcast booth she's about to bust out of her low cut top, Skip looks at his partner with a grin and says) :  "Two are out in the bottom of the fifth."


--(The camera pans the crowd during a day game in the middle of the week and stops on an older business-man with his arm around an younger, attractive woman who is obivously not his wife, Skip says sarcasticly) :  "Well, it's good to see the businessmen brought their daughters to the game today."


--(when the Braves were on the bad end of a blowout) : "If you promise to partonize our sponsors, you have permission to go walk your dog."


--(The Braves had lost 12 in a row, and Skip was calling a game where they were getting beaten again. He was giving the American League scores, and reported the Baltimore score, where they were losing their 15th in a row. He commented,) : "I'm glad I don't work for a team that bad."

[gutshot]

More from Skip:

--(During a game where there were no more than 10,000 fans in attendance) :  "A partial sellout today."

--(Same scenario) : "Many fans have come to the park disguised as empty seats, tonight."


-- (One comment came shortly after Ted Turner forbid his newscasters on CNN from using the word "foreign" since his network had developed a global reach. Instead, they were to use the word "international." Being a loyal employee of Mr. Turner... Skip was calling a Braves game when the batter called time and backed of the batter's box, as Skip explained, because) :  "He had an international object in his eye."


--(Back when Keith Olberman was the anchor on Fox and there were billboards of him on the outfield wall, someone doubled off the wall and Skip said) : "He just got a chance to do what a lot of us would like to do——hit Keith Olberman in the face."




-- (referring to a young couple in the empty upper deck back in the 80s) :  "He kisses her on the strikes and she kisses him on the balls"

[dockwt]

Years ago I was watching a Brave game that was boring and there were a lot of empty seats.  Skip C was trying to fight through to the end of the game when the camera panned to a guy sitting deep in the outfield by himself.  He was wearing a turban. Carey says, "There's an Cleveland Indian fan."  It took me 5 minutes ot get off the floor from laughing. 

[Snort and Squeal]

I hated to bat against Drysdale. After he hit you he'd come around, look at the bruise on your arm and say, 'Do you want me to sign it?-Mickey Mantle

You don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth. -Mickey Mantle

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.-Hank Aaron

If he raced his pregnant wife he'd finish third. (on catcher Mide Scioscia)-Tommy Lasorda

Aw, how could Jorge Orta lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico.- Harry Caray

These are great....

[Snort and Squeal]

Years ago I was watching a Brave game that was boring and there were a lot of empty seats.  Skip C was trying to fight through to the end of the game when the camera panned to a guy sitting deep in the outfield by himself.  He was wearing a turban. Carey says, "There's an Cleveland Indian fan."  It took me 5 minutes ot get off the floor from laughing. 

Holy Sh*t that's funny.... oh my....