From the Bench - How Do I Know It's Summer in Arkansas

[Robert Shields]

How Do I Know It's Summer in Arkansas?

Robert Shields

During the summer in the land of the Razorbacks, the sports call-in shows get slow and the topics get bizarre. Soon the Razorback baseball run will be over, and hosts, callers, and columnists alike will be left scrambling to find a good topic to discuss for the next two months.

When there is nothing to talk about in Razorback land, this is how you know it is summer in Arkansas. If you are looking for entertaining sports talk, now should be your favorite time of the year.

So here goes my elementary list of how I know it's summer in Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? When Drive Time Sports has a caller who wants to discuss soccer and the topic is punted to another sport like NASCAR and then ends with Schaeffer talking about what a beautiful day it is in northwest Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? When some know-it-all Notre Dame fan calls into Drive Time Sports to explain to Schaeffer and Rainwater how Knute Rockne actually pronounced his name and stays on the air for 20 minutes. Oh wait, Rainwater is hardly ever on his show during the summer so it would be some other lame host.

You also know it's summer? When Randy asks the caller when they go to the break if he wants to hold or fold (this is Randy nomenclature for staying on the line). This means there is nothing else to talk about right now in this Razorbacks-only state except how to pronounce names, so please hold so we can fill more time before Gentle Ben calls into the show.

How do I know it's summer? Wally Hall will write a column about some guest speaker speaking somewhere at some charity event. All for a good cause, but the chance of it being written about during the season is less likely.

How do I know it's summer? Matt Jones' playlist on his iPhone that is used for bumper music will have 50-percent more reggae.

How do I know it's summer? The scouting report from T. Biddy will be about some kid in the seventh grade. You will also get a call from some relative of a high-school player touting the kid like they don't know him explaining he is some super athlete and asking Biddy if he has heard of him. Biddy will then say he will look into it. Then the caller immediately gives the relative's high-light reel website address that they probably paid some outfit a bundle to produce.

How do I know it's summer? Some people are awaiting the arrival of Hooten's annual football magazine like it is the biggest day of the year. I halfway expect a marching band to lead every delivery of the magazines to Walmart. (This would actually be a good PR idea for the first delivery, Hootens.)

How do I know it's summer? Someone will bring up Arkansas and Arkansas State playing each other. During the season, this question gets dumped on the radio shows quickly. But it will get air time in the summer, and the hosts of call-in shows will tackle this issue with vigor from both sides ending with Schaeffer incredulously declaring that "nobody wants to see this game, Randy."

How do I know it's summer? When Bo Mattingly has someone on from Auburn on his radio show. I mean, Auburn? Oh wait, I can't hear Bo Mattingly in Central Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? The coach of the Petit Coat Dragons will be interviewed for three hours on Friday and it will be filled with gaffes and jokes. Wait, that happens during football season also.

How do I know it's summer? The hosts on the call-in shows take off frequently leaving you with guest hosts. This typically leads to a lot of yucking it up with the remaining regular host and the guest host that should have been handled before the "on air" light went on.

How do I know it is summer? When someone calls into a call-in radio show and explains how he played out the college football season on his PS2 and predicts that TCU or Boise State will win it all.

How do I know it's summer? At least every other caller is going to chime in with their prediction of how the Hogs are going to do. Right now, my unscientific survey seems to indicate it will be 9-3 from callers. My hunch is that is just the starting bid as expectations will grow by the first game in September.



How do you know it's summer? Send your ideas to fromthebench@yahoo.com and I just might make a column out of your mail, which is another sign it's summer.

[Inhogswetrust]

How do I know it's Monday........................Robert Shields posts gibberish...............................

[JIMMY BOARFFETT]

Maybe you should take off and let a guest writer take over for a while.  Let's say, Harry Rex Vonner, maybe?

[ricepig]

Maybe you should take off and let a guest writer take over for a while.  Let's say, Harry Rex Vonner, maybe?

Hear, hear.....

[Seebs]

Calendar?

[JIMMY BOARFFETT]

Calendar?

The calendar must be wrong. It says the first day of summer isn't until June 21st.

[ballz2thewall]

it's summer. waiting for for apple wwdc amid a desk of phone calls and emails.

plus, it's hot and i have to get a grudge run in.

[ZERO]

The last two summers have been pretty mild up in NWA. I don't think the temperature has broken 100 once without factoring in the heat index since 2012.

[Torqued pork]

You know it's summer in Arkansas when you see a funeral hearse veer to run over a snake.

[duckman]

The new Robert Shields book club has formed, this is the first reading assignment...

[Inhogswetrust]

The new Robert Shields book club has formed, this is the first reading assignment...

But you have to be a member of the Mysterious Girls Secret Bathroom Society to be in that book club.

[hogcard1964]

Not good.  Not good at all.

[GuvHog]

I gotta give credit where credit is due: Robert absolutely has Drive Timed Sports pegged!!  LOL!

[jrulz83]

Found another book for the RS book club:

[Piggage]

I gotta give credit where credit is due: Robert absolutely has Drive Timed Sports pegged!!  LOL!

Really? From the very little of DTS I've heard recently and regretted hearing, they need to rename it the LeBron James Show.

I skimmed the Shields article (and will now go post in the thread for admitting embarrassing things) and didn't see LeBron James mentioned, thus no peg.

I think Arkansas sports radio should spend the same amount of time talking about LeBron James that sports radio shows in Cleveland spend talking about the Razorbacks.

[tkhog]

Who is Robert Shields?

[LSUFan]

Who is Robert Shields?

Identical Twin Cousin of Panty Shields.

[Mulberry Squeezins]

When the swans fly in from Capastino?

[Porked Tongue]

Boomerang Bob strikes again.

[Calling All Hogs]

[DOGALUM]

Who the hell is Robert Shields?

"How do I know it's summer?" 

Shields has to "hang out" in places other than the girls bathroom to get "inspiration".

[King]

College World Series? Does that happen in the summer?

[Calling All Hogs]

[arkansasrazorback]

I feel sorry he has to listen to that garbage station.  Thank the Lord I get 104.3 up here.

[Hog N Bama]

It's 90 degrees outside?

[BPsTheMan]

How Do I Know It's Summer in Arkansas?

Robert Shields

During the summer in the land of the Razorbacks, the sports call-in shows get slow and the topics get bizarre. Soon the Razorback baseball run will be over, and hosts, callers, and columnists alike will be left scrambling to find a good topic to discuss for the next two months.

When there is nothing to talk about in Razorback land, this is how you know it is summer in Arkansas. If you are looking for entertaining sports talk, now should be your favorite time of the year.

So here goes my elementary list of how I know it's summer in Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? When Drive Time Sports has a caller who wants to discuss soccer and the topic is punted to another sport like NASCAR and then ends with Schaeffer talking about what a beautiful day it is in northwest Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? When some know-it-all Notre Dame fan calls into Drive Time Sports to explain to Schaeffer and Rainwater how Knute Rockne actually pronounced his name and stays on the air for 20 minutes. Oh wait, Rainwater is hardly ever on his show during the summer so it would be some other lame host.

You also know it's summer? When Randy asks the caller when they go to the break if he wants to hold or fold (this is Randy nomenclature for staying on the line). This means there is nothing else to talk about right now in this Razorbacks-only state except how to pronounce names, so please hold so we can fill more time before Gentle Ben calls into the show.

How do I know it's summer? Wally Hall will write a column about some guest speaker speaking somewhere at some charity event. All for a good cause, but the chance of it being written about during the season is less likely.

How do I know it's summer? Matt Jones' playlist on his iPhone that is used for bumper music will have 50-percent more reggae.

How do I know it's summer? The scouting report from T. Biddy will be about some kid in the seventh grade. You will also get a call from some relative of a high-school player touting the kid like they don't know him explaining he is some super athlete and asking Biddy if he has heard of him. Biddy will then say he will look into it. Then the caller immediately gives the relative's high-light reel website address that they probably paid some outfit a bundle to produce.

How do I know it's summer? Some people are awaiting the arrival of Hooten's annual football magazine like it is the biggest day of the year. I halfway expect a marching band to lead every delivery of the magazines to Walmart. (This would actually be a good PR idea for the first delivery, Hootens.)

How do I know it's summer? Someone will bring up Arkansas and Arkansas State playing each other. During the season, this question gets dumped on the radio shows quickly. But it will get air time in the summer, and the hosts of call-in shows will tackle this issue with vigor from both sides ending with Schaeffer incredulously declaring that "nobody wants to see this game, Randy."

How do I know it's summer? When Bo Mattingly has someone on from Auburn on his radio show. I mean, Auburn? Oh wait, I can't hear Bo Mattingly in Central Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? The coach of the Petit Coat Dragons will be interviewed for three hours on Friday and it will be filled with gaffes and jokes. Wait, that happens during football season also.

How do I know it's summer? The hosts on the call-in shows take off frequently leaving you with guest hosts. This typically leads to a lot of yucking it up with the remaining regular host and the guest host that should have been handled before the "on air" light went on.

How do I know it is summer? When someone calls into a call-in radio show and explains how he played out the college football season on his PS2 and predicts that TCU or Boise State will win it all.

How do I know it's summer? At least every other caller is going to chime in with their prediction of how the Hogs are going to do. Right now, my unscientific survey seems to indicate it will be 9-3 from callers. My hunch is that is just the starting bid as expectations will grow by the first game in September.



How do you know it's summer? Send your ideas to fromthebench@yahoo.com and I just might make a column out of your mail, which is another sign it's summer.

[BPsTheMan]

I gotta give credit where credit is due: Robert absolutely has Drive Timed Sports pegged!!  LOL!

[NaturalStateReb]

It's summer when every other call to DTS is, "Randy, I'd like to know who you think is gonna start as quarterback for the Hogs this season" and Wally writes a series of articles about adult softball games.

[Sir Oinksalot]

Bob, it was a better effort....you cracked on radio and the newspaper, always good for a letter grade, and you attempted to bring the readers
in with a question there at the end.  But, as you know your grade is based on reader imagination and a couple of tiny movies
this time were superb, even HVR, the people's choice, approved.  B--

[Vantage 8 dude]

And how do I know that whatever's written is going to be totally inane, summer or not? All I have to do is look at the author-one Robert Shields-which says it all. I don't even bother further wasting my time.

[aar0n]

I can usually tell it's summer by what time of year it is.  Say it's January, hypothetically speaking, that's not summer.  But then say it's July, once again hypothetically speaking, that is summer.  It gets pretty confusing in months like March or September, where one day you can walk outside and be like "dang it's summer out here!" And then the next day you can walk outside and be like "dang it's winter out here!"  For these type of times it's best to just use your discretion, or speak nothing about it for fear of being wrong.  Hope this helps!

[The_Iceman]

...

[Rzbakfromwaybak]

Who is Robert Shields?

Evidently it's someone that wants to be a writer when they grow up....

[Doug]

This is what Robert does to EVERY Hogvillian member every time he posts a FtB...

[Vantage 8 dude]

How Do I Know It's Summer in Arkansas?

Robert Shields

During the summer in the land of the Razorbacks, the sports call-in shows get slow and the topics get bizarre. Soon the Razorback baseball run will be over, and hosts, callers, and columnists alike will be left scrambling to find a good topic to discuss for the next two months.

When there is nothing to talk about in Razorback land, this is how you know it is summer in Arkansas. If you are looking for entertaining sports talk, now should be your favorite time of the year.

So here goes my elementary list of how I know it's summer in Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? When Drive Time Sports has a caller who wants to discuss soccer and the topic is punted to another sport like NASCAR and then ends with Schaeffer talking about what a beautiful day it is in northwest Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? When some know-it-all Notre Dame fan calls into Drive Time Sports to explain to Schaeffer and Rainwater how Knute Rockne actually pronounced his name and stays on the air for 20 minutes. Oh wait, Rainwater is hardly ever on his show during the summer so it would be some other lame host.

You also know it's summer? When Randy asks the caller when they go to the break if he wants to hold or fold (this is Randy nomenclature for staying on the line). This means there is nothing else to talk about right now in this Razorbacks-only state except how to pronounce names, so please hold so we can fill more time before Gentle Ben calls into the show.

How do I know it's summer? Wally Hall will write a column about some guest speaker speaking somewhere at some charity event. All for a good cause, but the chance of it being written about during the season is less likely.

How do I know it's summer? Matt Jones' playlist on his iPhone that is used for bumper music will have 50-percent more reggae.

How do I know it's summer? The scouting report from T. Biddy will be about some kid in the seventh grade. You will also get a call from some relative of a high-school player touting the kid like they don't know him explaining he is some super athlete and asking Biddy if he has heard of him. Biddy will then say he will look into it. Then the caller immediately gives the relative's high-light reel website address that they probably paid some outfit a bundle to produce.

How do I know it's summer? Some people are awaiting the arrival of Hooten's annual football magazine like it is the biggest day of the year. I halfway expect a marching band to lead every delivery of the magazines to Walmart. (This would actually be a good PR idea for the first delivery, Hootens.)

How do I know it's summer? Someone will bring up Arkansas and Arkansas State playing each other. During the season, this question gets dumped on the radio shows quickly. But it will get air time in the summer, and the hosts of call-in shows will tackle this issue with vigor from both sides ending with Schaeffer incredulously declaring that "nobody wants to see this game, Randy."

How do I know it's summer? When Bo Mattingly has someone on from Auburn on his radio show. I mean, Auburn? Oh wait, I can't hear Bo Mattingly in Central Arkansas.

How do I know it's summer? The coach of the Petit Coat Dragons will be interviewed for three hours on Friday and it will be filled with gaffes and jokes. Wait, that happens during football season also.

How do I know it's summer? The hosts on the call-in shows take off frequently leaving you with guest hosts. This typically leads to a lot of yucking it up with the remaining regular host and the guest host that should have been handled before the "on air" light went on.

How do I know it is summer? When someone calls into a call-in radio show and explains how he played out the college football season on his PS2 and predicts that TCU or Boise State will win it all.

How do I know it's summer? At least every other caller is going to chime in with their prediction of how the Hogs are going to do. Right now, my unscientific survey seems to indicate it will be 9-3 from callers. My hunch is that is just the starting bid as expectations will grow by the first game in September.



How do you know it's summer? Send your ideas to fromthebench@yahoo.com and I just might make a column out of your mail, which is another sign it's summer.

Hey Bobbie, I have a suggestion for you. While I realize you need a new New York Times best seller since it's been a while since your last mega hit (something about women's bathroom habits or some such), let's just k.i.s.s. (keep it simple stupid). Just inform your reading audience that the temps are in the 90s with humidity to match! I suspect that will give them all the clues they'll need to tell what time of the year it is. 

See there? Wasn't that much easier? BTW I didn't even need a bench to write this.

[Inhogswetrust]

When the swans fly in from Capastino?

Swans? Shouldn't you mean Swallows.

[Calling All Hogs]

Just arrived at Hogville and realized I was in the middle of a Robert Shields thread...

[zane]

Enjoyed this week's post, Bob!








Yeah right!

[RexMentor]

How do I know it's summer? Robert Shields continues to write poorly -- very poorly -- in his best Wally Hall imitation. Wait. That's not just for the summer. It happens every season of the year.

[Mulberry Squeezins]

Swans? Shouldn't you mean Swallows.

You are thinking about the soup made from the nest of swallows.  Has nothing to do with summer.

[Inhogswetrust]

You are thinking about the soup made from the nest of swallows.  Has nothing to do with summer.

You might want to Google Capistrano. Swans have no connection to it, Swallows do.

[Mulberry Squeezins]

You might want to Google Capistrano. Swans have no connection to it, Swallows do.

You serious Clark?

[Inhogswetrust]

You serious Clark?

Did you not Google it...................

[Mulberry Squeezins]

Did you not Google it...................

You might want to check my spelling of Capistrano.  What is it they say? if you have to explain it, it ain't funny. 

[JIMMY BOARFFETT]

You might want to check my spelling of Capistrano.  What is it they say? if you have to explain it, it ain't funny. 

Senses of humor come in all shapes and sizes.  Some folks were born without one altogether.

[Inhogswetrust]

You might want to check my spelling of Capistrano.  What is it they say? if you have to explain it, it ain't funny. 

OK I'm embarrassed to say I didn't catch the spelling.......So now I did the Google thing and still don't get it. Please enlighten me.............Thanks. I hope it's funny!

[Inhogswetrust]

Senses of humor come in all shapes and sizes.  Some folks were born without one altogether.

To your credit Boarffett I aways laugh at your jokes!

[LSUFan]

To your credit Boarffett I aways laugh at your jokes!

I always laugh at him.

[Mulberry Squeezins]

let's see if I can 'splain this Lucy.  The question, how you know it's summer in Arkansas?, seemed sort of clichéd and stupid, so I thought I would make a play off the swallows returning to Capistrano by using swans, going for the obvious visual gag, while playing the role of the know it all idiot who takes hinself a bit too serious, (sound like anyone we know?) and using the cliché for one if the signs of spring by using the wrong friken bird returning to some island somewhere.   Thus getting the season wrong, the bird wrong and the island wrong.

[DeltaBoy]

Is Summer time cause I spent 3 days at inservice.