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What is your best golf joke?

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HognitiveDissonance:

A man and his wife were playing golf. While waiting on the group ahead to clear, the wife scooted ahead closer to the ladies' tee box.
The man finally teed off and WHACK!....shanks a shot right off his wife's head. The wife drops to the ground and starts moaning.
Mortified, the guy had his wife rushed to the ER.
After a brief time, the doctor came out.

Man: "Is she going to be alright?"
Doctor: "Yes, luckily she'll be ok. You didn't really connect with the shot that well, so even though it caught her skull, it just rang her bell, but she'll recover."
Man: "Thank goodness."
Doctor: "I have a question, though. You said your tee shot hit your wife in the head?"
Man: "That's right."
Doctor: "Well, we also found a golf ball lodged in your wife's rectum. How do you explain that?"
Man: "Oh....that was my mulligan."

GolfNut57:


--- Quote from: HognitiveDissonance on August 01, 2017, 08:27:39 pm ---A man and his wife were playing golf. While waiting on the group ahead to clear, the wife scooted ahead closer to the ladies' tee box.
The man finally teed off and WHACK!....shanks a shot right off his wife's head. The wife drops to the ground and starts moaning.
Mortified, the guy had his wife rushed to the ER.
After a brief time, the doctor came out.

Man: "Is she going to be alright?"
Doctor: "Yes, luckily she'll be ok. You didn't really connect with the shot that well, so even though it caught her skull, it just rang her bell, but she'll recover."
Man: "Thank goodness."
Doctor: "I have a question, though. You said your tee shot hit your wife in the head?"
Man: "That's right."
Doctor: "Well, we also found a golf ball lodged in your wife's rectum. How do you explain that?"
Man: "Oh....that was my mulligan."

--- End quote ---


hahaha......good one.....

cosmodrum:

Lately?

My approach shots.

Iwastherein1969:


--- Quote from: HognitiveDissonance on August 01, 2017, 08:27:39 pm ---A man and his wife were playing golf. While waiting on the group ahead to clear, the wife scooted ahead closer to the ladies' tee box.
The man finally teed off and WHACK!....shanks a shot right off his wife's head. The wife drops to the ground and starts moaning.
Mortified, the guy had his wife rushed to the ER.
After a brief time, the doctor came out.

Man: "Is she going to be alright?"
Doctor: "Yes, luckily she'll be ok. You didn't really connect with the shot that well, so even though it caught her skull, it just rang her bell, but she'll recover."
Man: "Thank goodness."
Doctor: "I have a question, though. You said your tee shot hit your wife in the head?"
Man: "That's right."
Doctor: "Well, we also found a golf ball lodged in your wife's rectum. How do you explain that?"
Man: "Oh....that was my mulligan."

--- End quote ---
nice one !  the only one I could think of was from Duddy Waller, former Hogs basketball coach before Lanny Van Eman. My father in law and Duddy talking in a local 4-Ball in Stephens, AR when I was a kid.

John David (my father in law, RIP) says, "Duddy, you were a good coach of many sports what is it that I need to do to improve my golf game ?"

Duddy Waller (kicked back and sipping a brew in the club house) says with a stone cold face, "Well John David, having watched you play all day, I think you should take two weeks away from golf and seriously think about quitting the game."   

GolfNut57:


--- Quote from: Iwastherein1969 on August 05, 2017, 05:11:37 am ---nice one !  the only one I could think of was from Duddy Waller, former Hogs basketball coach before Lanny Van Eman. My father in law and Duddy talking in a local 4-Ball in Stephens, AR when I was a kid.

John David (my father in law, RIP) says, "Duddy, you were a good coach of many sports what is it that I need to do to improve my golf game ?"

Duddy Waller (kicked back and sipping a brew in the club house) says with a stone cold face, "Well John David, having watched you play all day, I think you should take two weeks away from golf and seriously think about quitting the game."

--- End quote ---

I think that joke/quote was originally by Jimmy Demaret.

Iwastherein1969:


--- Quote from: GolfNut57 on August 05, 2017, 10:04:05 pm ---I think that joke/quote was originally by Jimmy Demaret.

--- End quote ---
all jokes are stolen...never said it was original....actually, the story is true about my father in law and former Hog coach Duddy Waller

BillyHog53:

You know what the easiest shot in golf is? That fourth putt!

RazorWire™:

Me and my girl decided to stay in the other night and watch TV. I asked " Porn or Golf " ? She simply replied: " Let's watch Porn , you know how to play Golf .... "

PonderinHog:

Why do they call it "golf?"

Because "f$%k" was taken.

Jackrabbit Hog:


--- Quote from: PonderinHog on August 06, 2017, 02:06:18 pm ---Why do they call it "golf?"

Because "f$%k" was taken.

--- End quote ---

fsook?  That's five letters, you maroon!

onebadrubi:


--- Quote from: Jackrabbit Hog on August 07, 2017, 01:55:01 pm ---fsook?  That's five letters, you maroon!

--- End quote ---

Even if you spell it like Mcgregor pronounces it?

PonderinHog:


--- Quote from: Jackrabbit Hog on August 07, 2017, 01:55:01 pm ---fsook?  That's five letters, you maroon!

--- End quote ---
STOP STEALING MY THUNDER!   >:(  PERCENTAGE IS ONE LETTER!

EastexHawg:

The regular weekday foursome is making its way around the course when they get to the hole with the green alongside a highway.  Just as they get to the green, a funeral procession approaches.

Three of the guys proceed with their chips and putts, but the fourth walks to the back of the green, takes off his hat, and bows his head.  When the last funeral car passes he puts on his hat, walks back, and putts out.

On the next tee, one of his partners says, "You really made us look bad back there, but I'm impressed.  That was a really nice gesture."

As he takes a practice swing, the respectful one says, "I figure it's the least I can do.  Me and that old gal would have been married 47 years next week."

Dominicanhog:

The police were called to a house where a woman was found laying on the floor in a pool of blood, a 5 iron laying next to her.... upon examining they determined she had been beaten with the club..

An officer asked the husband how many times did you hit her?  The husband thought for a second and replied" Oh hell, give me a six"

My wife doesn't like that joke.. especially when I have a club in the house...

ResIpsaLoquitur:

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcnFbCCgTo4
NSFW!!

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