Post Your Best Alabama Jokes Here:

[Eric Cartman]

Why did Alabama change their field from grass to artificial turf?
To keep the Bama cheerleaders from grazing at half time.


How do you get an Alabama cheerleader to go into class?
Greese her hips and push.

[BassPro]

Why did Alabama change their field from grass to artificial turf?
To keep the Bama cheerleaders from grazing at half time.


How do you get an Alabama cheerleader to go into class?
Greese her hips and push.

HAHAHAHA!!!  Here is a pic of one of their cheerleaders!

[ErieHog]

What's the difference between the Bama defense and a dollar?

You can get 4 quarters out of a dollar.

[drummerhog]

Billy Bob and his family moved from Alabama to Maine to so his Paw could find better work picking potatoes. The next day Billy Bob started his first day of kindergarten. When he got home he rushed to tell his Paw, "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today en Ah wuz the onliest one that could!"

His Paw replied "That's cuz you's from Bama, son!"

The next day he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to count as high as we could en Ah counted the highest!"

His Paw replied, "That's cuz you's from Bama, son!"

The next day, he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, today, when we wuz all in a line, Ah noticed Ah wuz the biggest of all! Ah bet that's cuz Ah'm from Bama, huh Paw?"

His Paw replied, "No son, that's cuz yer 17 years old."

[drummerhog]

A friend of mine and I were trying to figure out why Bama fans wore toilet paper on their heads. The only thing we could figure out was that they must have s*** for brains.

[Junkyard Hog]

How do you get a bama graduate off of your front porch?

Pay for the pizza.

[ErieHog]

You know why they glue the toilet paper rolls to the detergent boxes?

They think everyone else is allergic to these things too.

[drummerhog]

How do you get an Alabama cheerleader to go into class?
Greese her hips and push.

Thanks for helping me figure out why they have an Elephant for the mascot, it is not a school mascot, it is the Bama cheerleader mascot!

[Faithful Hog]

What does a maggot and an Alabama fan have in common?

They can both feed on a dead Bear for 20 years!

[drummerhog]

Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa...he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!

[drummerhog]

What does a maggot and an Alabama fan have in common?

They can both feed on a dead Bear for 20 years!

Cold As Ice!!! I Like It!

[ErieHog]

What do you call a 12 year old Alabama virgin?

Faster than her brothers.

[John Futrall]

What do Bama students do with their diplomas when they graduate?

Tape them to the corner of their windshields so they can park in handicap zones..

[PolishPigPower]

What do Bama students do with their diplomas when they graduate?

Tape them to the corner of their windshields so they can park in handicap zones..

Hmmm... I always thought that was what they taped to those detergent boxes... learn something new every day...

[Bucksnort]

Best thing that ever came out of Alabama?

Interstate 35.

[Eric Cartman]

What do you call a 12 year old Alabama virgin?

Faster than her brothers.

that is absolutely awful.... but sooo funny.

[Eric Cartman]

Alabama sent a guy up here to kick our ass...

their plan failed, because they sent Leigh Tiffin.

[PAHog]

They're playing at Alabama because Auburn didn't offer.

[biggiepiggie]

If you have a hurricane in Florida, a tornado in Kansas, and a divorce in
Alabama, what do you have?  Somebody is fixin to lose them a trailer
house.

[zorbacks06]

How do Alabama males practice safe sex?

They place a black mark on the sheep that kick.

[Nutts and Bolts]

An very large Alabama family (Mom, Dad and 11 kids) won tickets to an Alabama football game.  They lived wayyyyyyyy out in the sticks and were so excited because they had been bama fans all their lives.... When they got to the stadium they were all walking among the croud and somehow the kids got separated from the parents... Mom and Dad became frantic because they knew their kids had never been out of the woods and they might get hurt.  The game was about to kick off and mom and dad still could not find the kids... The were walking completely around the stadium but still no sight of the kids..... They then heard the roar of the croud and they knew they were missing the game but they still had to find the kids.... Then, a policeman came over to Mom and Dad and said, "Are you looking for your kids"?  Mom and dad got excited and said, "Yes, have you found them" ?  The policeman said yes, They are inside on the football field kicking the Alabama football teams ass up and down the field. 

[Nutts and Bolts]

How do Alabama males practice safe sex?

They place a black mark on the sheep that kick.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

[arkfanchip]

I told one last year and got banned for a week, after tiffin missed those kicked

[hogfan68]

"ALABAMA"  Thats were the men are men, and the sheep are nervous.

[FWF79]

Why cant they solve a homicide in Alabama?
They have no dental records and the the same DNA.

[Hook 'em Hogs]

+3/-8 on the karma before I posted this . . .

I've only lived in Arkansas (NWA) for 5 years and I love it, but . . .

How many of these jokes were "Arkansas" jokes and not "Alabama" jokes the first time you guys heard them?  I mean, come on "Faster than her  brothers," "No dental records and same DNA," these scream Arkansas jokes!

[FWF79]

Whats 30ft long with two teeth?
The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair.

[VRaptor]

12 National Championships.  Now who's the joke?  Arkansas fans, like you, of course. 

You forgot the Mythical part. Besides anytime it is split Alabama claims half of it even if they aren't ranked.

[turbo2000]

Billy Bob, the starting QB for the Alabama football team, is home for the weekend after the season. His sister, Sarah, the captain of the Jr high school cheerleader team, comes home from school. Upon seeing her brother she smiles and starts taking off her clothes. She leads Billy Bob to her bedroom and they spend the next 1/2 hr having hot unbridled sex. After they finish and still breathless, Sarah says to Billy Bob, "I forget how much better you are than Dad." Billy Bob with a grin on his face says, " Yea, Mom said the say thing about an hour ago."

[slopinhogs]

just proves that when you can pay off you win. :razorback:

[VRaptor]

12 National Championships.  Now who's the joke?  Arkansas fans, like you, of course. 

You forgot the Mythical part. Besides anytime it is split Alabama claims half of it even if they aren't ranked.

Mythical?  At least Bama wins enough games to make it interesting before making their claim.  Arkansas hasn't had that luxury since the '78 Orange Bowl.

There is no playoff system just opinions hence Mythical. Bama sure won a bunch last year

[big dread hog]

a TN boy comes home excited and tells his family he has met his ideal woman and bride to be. He tells his dad how smart she is, how beautiful she is and tops it off by proclaiming her virginity. Hearing that last part, his dad shook his head no and told him to leave her in Alabama becauase he could not let him marry someone who was obvioulsy not good enough for her own family.

[fiend]

Q: What do you call a menage e trois in Alabama?

A: ...having sex with your sister with a cock roach in your mouth.

[ErieHog]

12 National Championships.  Now who's the joke?  Arkansas fans, like you, of course. 

Not my own work, but quite succinct in debunking the '12 MNCs'

Note:The Associated Press Poll has been active since 1936. The AP took their final poll prior to bowl games from 1936 - 1964 and in 1966 and 1967. They took their final poll after the bowl games in 1965 and from 1968 - Current.

Debunking the Alabama National Championship myths:

1925 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with Dartmouth. Who awarded the NC? Houlgate and Helms. Houlgate started his system in 1927. So Bama won their 1925 NC using a formula that didn't exist until 1927? Helms Athletic Foundation started in 1941. Another incredible retroactive NC.

1926 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with 3 other teams with equal or better records! Once again it is the Helms Athletic Foundation in 1941 that awards it, 15 years after the fact.

1930 National Championship- The Davis poll says that Bama tied Notre Dame for NC this year. This was the only one to award it to Bama. Notre Dame was named NC in 6 polls! Parke Davis is another retroactive system! He (an individual, not an organization) did his in 1933!

1934 National Championship- Alabama says they share this with two other teams. The awarders are Dunkel, Williamson, and Football Thesaurus. Dunkel was an individual who came up with his own system. Williamson was a geologist who came up with his own system. Football Thesaurus first appeared in 1946! Neither Dunkel or Williamson was a national standard, and another 14 year waiting period to determine a 'champion' is just silly.

1941 National Championship- This is a complete joke. The AP ranked Alabama 20th in the nation with 14 teams with better records in the top 20. Once again it is the Football Thesaurus that retroactively awards it. Alabama finished 3rd in the SEC that year.

1961 National Championship- Finally a legitimate NC. One poll didn't give it to Bama though.

1964 National Championship- While the AP did award the NC to Bama (10-1-0), Arkansas had the better record, 11-0. Alabama played Texas in their bowl and LOST. The AP final poll was before the bowl.

1965 National Championship- The AP gave this to Bama. That year there were three teams with better records than Bama. Bama 9-1-1, Michigan St 10-1-0, Arkansas 10-1-0, Nebraska 10-1-0.

1973 National Championship- AP puts Bama 4th after their bowl game loss. Bama claims a NC from the UPI poll that was taken before they met Notre Dame in the bowl game and lost. There were 3 teams with better records than Bama that year. The embarrassment of naming Alabama number one caused the UPI to name champions after bowl games.

1978 National Championship- AP gives this to Alabama(11-1-0) even though USC (12-1-0) had the better record Guess who Alabama lost to that year? USC!!!!!!!!!. UPI gave the NC to USC.

1979 National Championship- Their second legitimate NC. Their first Unanimous NC.

1992 National Championship- Their third legitimate NC. Their second Unanimous NC.

You can see why people ridicule Bama fans when they talk about 12 NCs. The early ones were awarded by individuals years after the games were played. These weren't consensus polls but NCs awarded by people that had their own formula for determining champions. Some NCs where given before bowl games that Bama lost. Using Alabama logic, Auburn could claim four national championships. But when Bammers brag they like to say they have twelve and Auburn has one. How silly. The NCAA recognizes 6 NCs for Bama and there are only two NCs that Bama has unanimously.

[RazorNick]

12 National Championships.  Now who's the joke?  Arkansas fans, like you, of course. 

Not my own work, but quite succinct in debunking the '12 MNCs'

Note:The Associated Press Poll has been active since 1936. The AP took their final poll prior to bowl games from 1936 - 1964 and in 1966 and 1967. They took their final poll after the bowl games in 1965 and from 1968 - Current.

Debunking the Alabama National Championship myths:

1925 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with Dartmouth. Who awarded the NC? Houlgate and Helms. Houlgate started his system in 1927. So Bama won their 1925 NC using a formula that didn't exist until 1927? Helms Athletic Foundation started in 1941. Another incredible retroactive NC.

1926 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with 3 other teams with equal or better records! Once again it is the Helms Athletic Foundation in 1941 that awards it, 15 years after the fact.

1930 National Championship- The Davis poll says that Bama tied Notre Dame for NC this year. This was the only one to award it to Bama. Notre Dame was named NC in 6 polls! Parke Davis is another retroactive system! He (an individual, not an organization) did his in 1933!

1934 National Championship- Alabama says they share this with two other teams. The awarders are Dunkel, Williamson, and Football Thesaurus. Dunkel was an individual who came up with his own system. Williamson was a geologist who came up with his own system. Football Thesaurus first appeared in 1946! Neither Dunkel or Williamson was a national standard, and another 14 year waiting period to determine a 'champion' is just silly.

1941 National Championship- This is a complete joke. The AP ranked Alabama 20th in the nation with 14 teams with better records in the top 20. Once again it is the Football Thesaurus that retroactively awards it. Alabama finished 3rd in the SEC that year.

1961 National Championship- Finally a legitimate NC. One poll didn't give it to Bama though.

1964 National Championship- While the AP did award the NC to Bama (10-1-0), Arkansas had the better record, 11-0. Alabama played Texas in their bowl and LOST. The AP final poll was before the bowl.

1965 National Championship- The AP gave this to Bama. That year there were three teams with better records than Bama. Bama 9-1-1, Michigan St 10-1-0, Arkansas 10-1-0, Nebraska 10-1-0.

1973 National Championship- AP puts Bama 4th after their bowl game loss. Bama claims a NC from the UPI poll that was taken before they met Notre Dame in the bowl game and lost. There were 3 teams with better records than Bama that year. The embarrassment of naming Alabama number one caused the UPI to name champions after bowl games.

1978 National Championship- AP gives this to Alabama(11-1-0) even though USC (12-1-0) had the better record Guess who Alabama lost to that year? USC!!!!!!!!!. UPI gave the NC to USC.

1979 National Championship- Their second legitimate NC. Their first Unanimous NC.

1992 National Championship- Their third legitimate NC. Their second Unanimous NC.

You can see why people ridicule Bama fans when they talk about 12 NCs. The early ones were awarded by individuals years after the games were played. These weren't consensus polls but NCs awarded by people that had their own formula for determining champions. Some NCs where given before bowl games that Bama lost. Using Alabama logic, Auburn could claim four national championships. But when Bammers brag they like to say they have twelve and Auburn has one. How silly. The NCAA recognizes 6 NCs for Bama and there are only two NCs that Bama has unanimously.

Preach it brother!

[RazorNick]

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"

The guy says, "Nah."

To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?"

The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."

[Spiral_cut]

What does an Alabama girl say on her wedding night?

Carefull Pa, you'll crush my smokes...

[CPL HOG]

A first grade teacher explains to her
class that she is an Alabama fan.
She asks her students to raise their
hands if they are Alabama fans too.

Not really knowing what an Alabama fan
was, but wanting to be liked by their
teacher, their hands fly into the air.

There is, however, one exception. Susie
has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided
to be different.
"Because I'm not an Alabama fan" she reports.

"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm an Arkansas Razorback fan" boasts the little girl.
The teacher asks Susie why she is an Arkansas fan.

"Well, my Dad and Mom are Razorback fans, so
I'm a Razorback fan too" she responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says.
"What if your mom was a moron, and
your dad was an idiot? What would you be then?"
the teacher asks..

Susie smiles and says, "Then I'd be an Alabama fan!"

[kitshicker]

What do you have when you have a crowded bar on Ladies Night in Alabama?

One full set of teeth.

[Hawgustus Maximus]

How do you get an Alabama cheerleader to go into class?
Greese her hips and push.

Thanks for helping me figure out why they have an Elephant for the mascot, it is not a school mascot, it is the Bama cheerleader mascot!

Do they ride their mascot? On the field, I mean on to the field?

[freebird1]

BUBBA'S GRADUATION....

Bubba had been going to Alabama for 11 years and just couldn't graduate.




   One day, the dean of students calls Bubba in to his office and says, "Bubba, we're going to give you the opportunity to graduate. In a month, at half time of the homecoming football game, we are going to bring you out on the field and ask you one question. If you get it right, you get your degree. If you get it wrong, you have to go home without it and not come back."
Bubba agreed to this and ran off to start studying. He studied night and day for a month. Finally the day came. It was a special day with

homecoming and Bubba's shindig. The whole stadium was packed with Alabama students and alumni, all waiting to see how Bubba would do.
The dean stepped up and said, "Bubba, are you ready for your question?"




   Bubba   said he was. The dean said, "Bubba, what is 3 X 3?" Bubba thought about it for about ten minutes and then finally stepped up to the microphone and said, "9?".
Before the dean could respond, thousands of the students, alumni and faculty jumped up and yelled .....


"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!"

[El Puerco Grande]

How do they seperate the men from the boys in Alabama?  With a water hose.

[Hawgustus Maximus]

How do you get an Alabama cheerleader to go into class?
Grease her hips and push.

Thanks for helping me figure out why they have an Elephant for the mascot, it is not a school mascot, it is the Bama cheerleader mascot!

Do they ride their mascot?

12 National Championships.  Now who's the joke?  Arkansas fans, like you, of course. 

;
The last qtr. of a century (that's 25 years if your from allah-bama) it's 1 to 1. and let's not forget where your only serious coach came from. Can you say AR CAN SAW.

[ErieHog]

The last qtr. of a century (that's 25 years if your from allah-bama) it's 1 to 1. and let's not forget where your only serious coach came from. Can you say AR CAN SAW.


How do you get an Alabama cheerleader to go into class?
Grease her hips and push.

Thanks for helping me figure out why they have an Elephant for the mascot, it is not a school mascot, it is the Bama cheerleader mascot!

Do they ride their mascot?

12 National Championships.  Now who's the joke?  Arkansas fans, like you, of course. 

If you saw the women at Alabama, you would probably give an elephant a second look.

[clifflee4mvp]

what's the difference between cheerios and the Crimson Tide?

Cheerios belong in a bowl!

[Hawgustus Maximus]

Well I went to Alabama with a banjo on my knee
Soon I had a bama cheerleader on her knees
Now I'm leaving Alabama and it burns to pee.

[The Marmot]

Alabama's State Motto:

Get off me, dad, you're crushing my damn cigarettes!

[Porkem]

An Alabama fan walks into a doctor's office.  Tells the doctor, "Doc...I need to git some of them thar birth control pills fer my daughter." 

The doctor asks, "Is she sexually active?"  "Naw," says the Alabama inbred, "she jes just lays thar like her ma!"

[Porkem]

How do you tell who the groom is at an Alabama wedding?
He's wearing the cleanest shirt.

What's the difference between an Alabama wedding and an Alabama funeral?
There's one less drunk at the funeral.

[RazorCraft]

Two rednecks from bama, Bubba and Cooter,
decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should
go to college to get ahead.

Bubba goes in first, and the professor
advises him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" asked
Bubba.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you
own a weed-eater?"

"I sure do," answered the redneck.

"Then
I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard." replied the professor.
The professor continued: "Logic will also tell me that since you have a
yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted,
"GAWL-LEEE!!"

"And since you own a house and a house is tough to
take care of by yourself, logic dictates that you have a
wife."

"Sally Mae! This is incredible!" (Bubba is obviously
catching on.)

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can
assume that you are heterosexual rather than homosexual" said the
professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most
fascinatin'  thing I ever heerd of. I can't wait to take this here
logic class."
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked
back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.

"So what
classes are ya takin?" he asks.

"Math, history, and logic," replies
Bubba.

"What in tarnation is logic?"

"Let me give you an
example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"

"No."

"You're queer, ain't
ya?"