Dropping Dimes........... Dumbest Schtick You've Seen In the Military. (Comedy)

[Großer Kriegschwein]

Starting this here thread to get some good funny, stupid stories from y'alls service time.

This should get good.

[CPO Hog]

I was ASDO in an aircraft hangar at NAS Norfolk. My roving patrol called me on the radio and asked me to come out into hangar bay 1. I walked out into the empty bay and all I saw was the hoist control gently swinging back and forth. I followed the cable up with my eyes and saw my airman hanging from the hoist cable 20 feet up. That dumb chit hook the hoist cable on his belt and hoisted himself to the ceiling and dropped the control.

Same place, different soup sandwich. My duty driver was suppose to be picking up some of our guys at one of the Piers at 0700. The Chief called from the Pier asking where the @#$ the duty driver was. While still on the phone I saw security pull up in front of the hangar. My duty driver was in the back seat. He decided to stop by McDonalds (on the other side of the base). After leaving MD he was munching down on his egg McMuffin and missed the red light where aircraft taxi across the roadway. Anyhow, he ran over a Chief on a motorcycle twice, yes twice, forward and then backward to avoid the oncoming aircraft. The Chief only had minor injuries, the motorcycle was totaled.

[CPO Hog]

ANG story from the early 80's.
We were on maneuvers at Chaffee on night. Point A to Point B to an extract point. Our 1LT was very high stung and new to infantry. About midnight we stopped so he and the SSGT could look at the map. After a couple minutes the LT (LTD we called him) stood up and shouted "mount up" and blasted off south into the darkness. We just sat there thinking WTH. The SSGT told us to follow him. We went North 100 yards to the extract point. LTD was found the next afternoon walking down a road several miles from the LZ.

[Whiskeyhog]

We had a guy departing the ship on transfer.  He was catching a plane to a new duty station across the country.  While in berthing he left his carry on, on his rack.  Well we had a guy bring in a [CENSORED] wrapped in aluminum foil.  We had someone else call him upstairs so we could put it in the bottom of his carry on.  We got a call from him the next day cussing us because as he was going through airport security the alarm sounded on the foil and he had to pull this [CENSORED] out in front of everyone and explain it.